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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Jun182014

The Princess Bridal Cakes

"Mawwiage!

(Oooh, aaahhh.)

 

Mawwiage is wot bwings us togevaaah...today."

(Ewww! Awwww...)

 

"Mawwiage: that bwessed awangement...."

 

"That dweem..."

"Wivin...a... dweem!"

("Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground!")

 

"So tweasure your wove."

And your airbrush.

 

Skipping to the end...

"The chocolate coating makes it go down easier.
But you shouldn't go swimming after for at least a good hour."

 

Stephanie M., Anony M., Amanda C., Ann B., & Jennifer, are there Wrecks ahead? If there are, we'll all be fed! 

*****

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Reader Comments (66)

HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!!!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

"Wreckerators, I do not think those cakes look like you think they look..."


"But what about the WOUSs?"
"Wrecks Of Unusual Scope? I don't think they exist..."
*SPLAT*

"Have fun storming the bakery!!!"

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Boo, Boo, Boo!! Bow to the baker of slime, the cake of filth, the decorator of putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Compared to other wedding cakes you've "featured", including in this post, I don't know that that first one is so bad - the layers are straight, the fondant is smooth, the wrap is reasonably recognizable as a ribbon. Or maybe you've just set my wrecky expectations too high. :)

As for that bride-snagging-groom cake topper, I will never understand that humor; it paints neither gender in a flattering light.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbennet

"You keep saying that word...I do not think it means what you think it means" "INCONTHEIVABLE!"
Every time you use a Princess Bride quote, it totally makes my day. BEST. MOVIE. EVER.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWell, Maybe

INCONCEIVABLE!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBW

Jen, you have a gift. An incomparable gift.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteralex

Squeeeeee!!!! I love The Princess Bride!!! I am with bennet, however, in that the first "wreck" really didn't seem all that bad...Not that I'd want to build a summer home there, but the flowers are actually quite lovely...

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

Dear God what is THAT thing???? That is what to the pain means, that the wreckers leave you wallowing in freakish misery forever.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Two weeks ago, my niece had a magical meeting with Cary Elwes at Comic Con in Phoenix. After viewing the Youtube video 7,312 times, we had to watch the movie 315 times and we were just winding down from a week of Princess Bride quote competitions so I'm looking forward to coming back to read all of the references here tonight. Then I'll go back and watch the Youtube video again...

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Hello. My name is enraged bride. You killed
my cake. Prepare to die.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAna

Why did I 'wead' this in Kwipke's voice?

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Well, Wrecks #1 and 4 could have turned out a lot worse. They could have turned out like Wreck #2. Aaack!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I started to grin just as soon as I read the word "Mawwiage!

(best movie EVER!)

However these cakes leave a little something to be desired

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAddie

I think the problem is that most of these cakes were made by a six-fingered baker.

I brought four cake stands in case we found the wreckerator. Hello wreckerator!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

If that gold one wasn't airbrushed, it actually would have been o.k. The rest belong in the Pit of Despair.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandi

Maybe a little head jiggle would make me happier about these cakes...

*shakes head*

Nope.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Oh, c'mon, guys, the bakers were only mostly dead! The first cakes are the ones they ordered; the second shots are the ones they got. Looks like the Brute Squad got to them...


LOVE!!! Princess Bride forever, ftw!

Classic :D

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Jodi- I heard it in Fezzik's voice!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

Are people really defending the 1st wreck? Really? Take a closer look, folks. The draping could have been done better by a two year old on a sugar trip and the flowers, though pretty, are REAL flowers not exible ones so zero credit there. Absolutely deserved its' wrecky status.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJess

As you wish....NOT!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Honestly on the scale of wrecky wedding cakes, most of these aren't that bad. Obviously the wreckorator wasn't as skilled as the original decorator, but it looks like they at least tried and to some extent succeeded to get the general idea. The first one especially is pretty darn close to the mark. Yes the draping didn't work out, but the fondant is smooth, layers even, flowers look good. If they'd left the draping off when it wasn't working and then finished the bead transition instead, it would be a perfectly servicable if a bit plain cake. There's no awesome tiers-sliding-so-we-stuck-a-tree-branch-in-it in this lot.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I have no pity for the bride that ordered the cake with the runaway groom topper. None.

I expect that maiwwage to last about 10 days. Likely annulled by now. ;-)

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDebbyJG

Fezzik: I did that on purpose. I didn't have to make a wrecktastic cake.
The Man in Black: I believe you. So what happens now?
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended - sportsmanlike. No tricks, no fondant, skill against skill alone.
The Man in Black: You mean, you'll put down your curling ribbon, I'll put down my flotsam, and, try and decorate like civilized people?
Fezzik: [Holds up rolling pin] I could frost you now.
The Man in Black: I must say, I think you might have a slight advantage at decorating.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. [smirks] I don't even exercise.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

The problem was that these wreckerators were obviously NOT left Handed!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJeneric

Enraged bride: "You mock my pain, Jen"

Jen (Supreme Queen of Awesomness and teh Interwebs): "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling wedding cakes"

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkittynurse

To anyone who thinks the first wreck isn't that bad, I suspect you've spent the last few years building up an immunity to wreckery.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLisa S.

I think that the crack in the white ribbon on the bottom tier of wreck #2 really brings the whole thing together, don't you? Hello? Hello?

And the wreckorator of wreck #4 needs an airbrush intervention. That and a clear understanding of what the word "subtle" means.

And to all those defending wreck #1: while yes it is better than a lot of wrecks that we have seen here that does not in any way make it a good cake. It does not need to be an epic fail to be a fail.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoeMama

"Kill me quickly" "I would sooner destroy a stained glass window as an artist like yourself...wait...on second thought."

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRhonda

Wreck #4 isn't actually bad at all if taken on its own merits. It's just a failure as an imitation of the model. But if I was looking for a fancy cake and saw that in the baker's display case, I might very well buy it.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLee

A Princess Bride Post! Exactly what I needed to make my day much shinier. (It was starting to look like the Pit of Despair around here).

I'm with Bennett, I'll never really understand the humor of the run away groom cake topper.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterYota

Bride: first things first -- to the cake!
Wreckerator: no, to the wreck!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Why does cake replica #1 have bandages on it? Was it wounded in the construction process?

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenternanalettie

Why did I read it as "aiwbwush", I wonder.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPFlamingo

Didn't realize the second photo was a wreck. Guess I thought it was just showing a different style of draping.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKels

I was all ready to start watching GoT on Netflix tonight. Guess I'll be pulling out my Princess Bride DVD instead.

@mel ~ Make sure you add a Mawwiage in those vows for me ;-)
@SuBee ~ I'm most jealous of your niece. How cool is that???

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

4 is not bad in workmanship; just not like the sample. heavy on the gold for sure.. maybe should be for a 50th anniv. What do the brides do when they first see their cake? Cry, scream, demand money back.. I cringe for them.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Get used to disappointment.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

I am prepared to die (after seeing those wrecks)

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWannek

There's a shortage of perfect cakes in this world. It's a pity they damaged yours.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

"I see you are using buttercream against me!"

"I thought it appropriate, given the draped fondant."

"Naturally, you must expect me to counter with a cake-topper!"

"Yes, but I find that overenthusiastic airbrushing cancels out toppers, don't you?"

"Not if the enemy has studied his star-flower piping... which I have!"

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStarknight

"Has it got any sports in it?"
"Are you kidding? Fencing, fighting, torture, wrecks, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles..."
"Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake."
"Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."

The battle of cakes has begun. It ends when you decide and we both decorate and find out who is right... and who is wrecked.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Valerie: You think the bride will be happy with her cake?
Max: It'll take a miracle!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterIndigo

Of all the wrecks in this bakery, Highness, the one you should be most worried about is your own!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

"What did this do to you? Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel?"

*bride whimpers and cries in pain*

"Interesting."

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraV

It occurs to me Jen, that you have the BEST bunch of fans on the interwebs. Everyone used a different quote or two from the movie. We have our own little Princess Bride loving community here!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

These brides fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is never get involved in a land war in Asia. And only slightly less well-known is this: Never buy a budget cake when your wedding is on the line! Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *clunck*

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMalia

miss_paper your comment had my LOLing very loud... subtle but brilliantly executed!!

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAdi_Wish

I ordered a cake for my wedding from a photo. I hope it looks the way it's supposed to; if it is otherwise, I shall be very... put out.

June 18, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLindarella

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