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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun062014

Ode To Honest Wreckers

We've all seen it.

So.

 

Many.

 

Times.

Bakers with delusions of competency.

Yes, these professionals lure in clients with pretty pictures and promises, only to shatter their pastry pipe dreams with poor planning and pathetic, um... skills.

 

That's why I'd like to thank all the bakers out there who proudly let their wreck flags fly, showing us exactly what to expect when we order from them.

In fact, I wrote you a poem, honest bakers.

[ahem hem hem]

Thank you for your honesty
In building your display

Your heap of melty sugar
Should scare us all away

 

And thanks for making it easy
To choose another store

Not that I don't appreciate
Some good ol' fashioned gore

 

Thanks for guiding blushing brides
With wisdom past their years:

That any wedding cake from you
Will only end in tears.

 

And thanks for being straightforward,
I expected nothing less.

You put it all right out there
With your drippy race car mess.

 

Thanks to you for having
the courage to admit

That when you try to decorate
It's going to look like... really, really bad.

 

Thanks to Lesley B., Laura S., Anony M., Tiffany M., Martha C., & Jenna M. for dropping a load of truth on us.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (41)

You used my photo! Yay yay yay :)

Awesome post as usual!

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Sung to "Honesty"

If you search for wreckiness
It isn't hard to find
You can find a cake you can't forgive
But if you search for truthfulness
You'll learn some bakers are blind
And that they bake cakes that you just can't give

Honesty should always be preferred
Cupcakes looks like shite, it's true
Honestly, your cakes are all absurd
The truth is what I need from you.

I can always find someone
Who won't believe their eyes
When you say that cake's "Under the Sea"
And I don't want some drippy cake
To upset blushing brides
'Cause the tears are coming, please believe

Honesty should always be preferred
LIghtning's fleeing from the goo
Honestly, your cakes are just absurd
Nobody wants a cake with poo.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Once upon a time I happened upon the most gross bathroom stall I'd ever seen. Thanks for reminding me. Seems the trauma sits deeper than I thought, if that is my first association seeing the last wreck. I'm going to sit in a corner hugging a pillow now. brb.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLcP

I didn't think this day could get much better, but then you showed me the colossal sh*te cupcake and it went up a notch.
That last one looks like some kind of dirty protest by the baker. We have kids at work that do that up the toilet walls...

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Picture number 4. Wow. Thank you so much for making me laugh so hard that my keyboard now has tears on it. Someone has just wandered into my office & asked "what's wrong?" as she spotted my tear streaked face & dribbly nose. Well played Jen.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMinkybink

The seventh one could be Pinkie Pie's wedding cake. And it looks like intestines. Cheery intestines.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Viewing the cakes on a smaller laptop screen, as I scrolled down I thought the top 2 tiers of the racetrack cake were some sort of melting dragon. After I saw the bottom tier, I still think it looks like a melting dragon, but that somehow the dragon was responsible for a car wreck.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

Is that Carrie's wedding cake?? O_O

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKelly B

My mind totally made the last part of your poem rhyme, but then you kept it clean and I had to "wait...what?"

Thanks for the laugh once again. This site is the first thing I do before getting to my actual job!!

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRuthie

There has to be a Red Wedding joke in there somewhere for cake #6.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather A

I am snapping my fingers in your general direction.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlisadh

I'm right with you LcP. That last cake made me more than a little bit nauseous. In this case it was while babysitting a "fingerpainting" 1 year old.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterms anthrope

I actually kinda like the second one (under "Many") - while it doesn't resemble the original photo at all, it *does* strike me as a decent Flying Spaghetti Monster wedding cake!

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGoryDetails

Funny post today.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTed C

Hahaha :D. Is it bad that the 2 tier cake still looked tasty to me? O_o

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Now, now....that gore cake might have been for The Red Wedding, you never know...

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

Sometimes it's best not to be so honest...

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

So I have been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to figure out just what they were going for with the drippy car race wreck. Did they MEAN for it to look like that? Was it a really hot day and the frosting melted in perfect formation pretty much all over? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO SAY??? Ahem.. sorry about that.

Then I got to the last one. I'm so very glad I remembered the first rule of CW and put the coffee down first.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

As usual, I am in tears of laughter in the break room while co-works just smile & explain to newbies that I'm just looking at "that website" again. :).
I must say the 2 tier cake is something my 97-year-old grandmother would find "just lovely". But then, being of the Great Depression generation, she would then balk at the $88 price tag. To quote a saying from that time era... "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." Think I'd do without. ;)

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

Hey, you're getting a wedding cake for $88.00, what were you hoping for? And the "Under the Sea" cake, am I wrong or has the mermaid been cleaved in half, leaving only the poor, sad, skinny tail all alone on the top of that cake ? Maybe it's just seaweed, yeah, let's go with seaweed. And I know that the poop cakes were really gross, but that red tiered cake reminded me of a Vampire TV show on a premium channel, or (like was pointed out) the cake for the G.O.T. Red Wedding. Both really distressing images to conjure while looking at cake. Thanks for the laughs and groans as usual Cake Wreck team. Between the poems, cakes, songs and other comments I leave this blog a happy girl:)

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

I learned about the Dunning-Kruger effect the other day. One manifestation is as follows:

Unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than is accurate. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their ineptitude.

It seems to apply quite frequently to wreckers.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJ. Rose

I think I could manage to eat a slice of all of those cakes except the colossal shite cupcake. Even knowing that the brown goop was frosting, I still don't think I could try it.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterC.R.A.P. Rachel

@TheCreepyTribble: Congratulations. "Cheery intestines" was not a phrase I'd ever think I'd hear (see), and it made me giggle more than the post.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

The last one looks like a dog drug their butt across it.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGenevieve

I LOVE the drippy race car mess! It's the best one out of that whole display of disasters!

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDolphin

@LcP, that last wreck looks pristine compared to the worst bathroom stall I've ever seen! I was worried I had caught hepatitis of the eyeballs just from looking at it. It would be more of a cross between the last cake and the red wedding cake if you get my drift. My mental block of that memory was holding pretty strong until I read your comment and it all came "flooding" back. Thanks for that! Is there room in your corner for me and my pillow too?

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Cake #2 is my wedding cake but mine came out correct :)

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjenn

@TheCreepyTribble_I lost it at "cheery intestines." BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStrawberry

That last photo...it's not often you see a cake that puts you in mind of the 'dirty protest' at Long Kesh.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlice Shortcake

Thanks to everyone who pointed out that cake no. 5 was an Under the Sea cake. I laughed so hard when I saw it I missed the details.

I'm wondering if the highway cake was made in Germany. My son and I were there two weeks ago and drove on the autobahn. Some of the road striping on the highways looked like that -- in some places, it veered in and out of the grass on the side of the road. Maybe the wreckerator's husband was on a German road striping crew and taught her everything he knows.

June 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Well at least they let us know that cupcakes they made were all just piles of poo. Truth in advertising helps me to run away from bakers like these lol.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

The $88 wedding cake wouldn't look all that bad... for someone who's into Election Day bunting in wedding shower colors.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBea

Do I see a bit of Wilton in some of those wrecks?

My nephew's wife wanted red "trim" (her favorite color) on her wedding cake, but I convinced her it was more of a 40th anniversary color. We settled on red velvet cake, with fondant icing. The first - and God willing - last fondant cake I ever did. And I knew my limits enough to NOT use the scalloped pans for the bottom tier.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Obviously the drippy red cake is the George R.R. Martin wedding cake.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSunnie

J. Rose, understanding the Dunning-Kueger effect has transformed how my husband and I view other people. He even keeps a printout of its definition near his desk.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Ugh, it's OBVIOUS what the problem is! These bakers didn't even ASK themselves if they could turn a fondant design into buttercream for their displays. Clearly, they were just being cheap and trying to cheat themselves out of money. *hair toss* So sad, since this is definitely the ONLY time bakers have ANY culpability in a wreck. *model stomps away*

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJ

@TheCreepyTribble-BWHAHAHAHA

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFuwaFuwa

The road goes ever
on and on, down like a striped
floppy Fruit Roll-Up.

June 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

That 6th cake could be a Sweeney Todd wedding cake. Just sayin.

June 8, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFuchsia70

I’m less horrified by the actual cake in #7 than by the presence of Comic Sans in the display sign. That’s enough to keep me away!

June 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMike

You know what's more disturbing to me than the vampire vibe on that red-drippy monstrosity? It's the fact that the Silly String look that has passed for "decoration" on birthday cakes has now graduated to the big time, wedding wreckery. :P

June 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMoonrabbit

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