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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Aug292014

Fade to Wreck

Just when you thought Fridays couldn't get any better, along comes...

WEDDING WRECKS!


Molly S. ordered this lovely ombré design for her wedding cake:


But instead, she got this:


Molly paid $500 for it.
It was still frozen solid in the middle.
And it left a giant puddle on the tablecloth.

NEXT!


Stephanie R. tells us the bride wanted a combo of these two cakes:


Oooh. Aaah.

So, a blue ombré fade on a smooth tiered cake with a monogram?

ROGER THAT.


o.0

***

ROGER, KILL THAT.


And finally, not a wedding cake, but Michelle tells me they wanted this for Madisyn's birthday:



I guess the baker didn't feel like making all those strands of fondant, though - which would probably be ok, provided the aforementioned baker can pipe even lines of oh who are we kidding.


Mmm. Finger-y.


Thanks to Molly, Stephanie, & Michelle for reminding us maybe it's time for a new trend. I'm thinking... chevrons. Eh? What could go wrong?

*****

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Reader Comments (64)

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'finger food'...

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

OK, since these were all *supposed* to be ombre cakes, and the wrecks most definitely induced feelings of indignation and displeasure in the buyers, I'm coining a new phrase:

Take ombrage: To become indignant or offended when someone wrecks your multi-toned cake.

(I've got to hand it to you, Jen. "Fingers" was the first thing I thought, too...)

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

$500 for that wreck? I would have walked away.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

Is it just me or do the vertical pink piped whatevers look like fingers, down to having fingernails? Now I have the mental image of hands bursting out of the bottom layer...

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

They were okay with a name wreck...

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

There's something off about that last cake, but I can't put my finger on it.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDominic

Seriously? Did the buyers not confirm that the bakers could work with fondant, or did they blithely assume "fondant, buttercreme, it'll look the same?" That first cake is so, so shiny, and not in a Firefly kind of way.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

The first cake is needed to be frozen to counteract the heat emanating from sea of tea lights that was supposed to surround the cake.

I cannot believe that the baker of the second cake missed the opportunity to stick whole bunches of fake flowers on there.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSwirlydoodle

Cake 1:

500 Dollars (with apologies to Peter, Paul & Mary and their haunting song, “500 Miles”)

If you see that I am crying, you will know the cake is here
You can hear my sobbing sound a hundred miles
A Hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles, a hundred miles

You can hear my sobbing sound a hundred miles

I paid one, I paid two, I paid three, I paid four
I paid 500 dollars for this cake
For this cake, for this cake, for this cake, for this cake
I paid 500 hundred dollars for this cake
A leaning, frozen wreck, and it even left a stain
Oh, I want to make this day go away
Go away, go away, go away, go away
Oh, I want to make this day go away

If you see that I am crying, you will know the cake is here
You can hear my sobbing sound a hundred miles

* * * * * * *
Cake 2:

Combo Mash (with apologies to Bobby “Boris” Pickett and his “Monster Mash”

I went into the hall, I was feeling all right
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
I saw my cake on a plate, and to my surprise
I saw a wreck before my eyes

It was a mash, it was a combo mash
A combo mash, it would not be a wedding smash,
It was a mash, I saw it in a flash
It was a mash, it was a combo mash

I wanted a cake for my wedding feast
To combine the best features from two cakes at least
They said they could make it in their humble abode
But I found out that was just a load….

It was a mash, it was a combo mash
A combo mash, it would not be a wedding smash,
It was a mash, I saw in a flash
It was a mash, it was a combo mash

* * * * * * *

Cake 3:

Let’s just say…OMG…he nailed it!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

That very first one looks like they couldn't remember what color the bride wanted the cake and then mixed so much cake they had some leftover icing.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Seriously baker of the last cake? Even I could do that one! Well, sure, I wouldn't have even rolls of fondant and they'd be placed crookedly, but still...

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

So on that last cake did Michelle ASK for it to be buttercream? If she did, then really the baker didn't do so terribly bad...if she did not, then that baker has absolutely no excuse whatsoever!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDrockbox

I guess that's what she gets for spelling her daughter's name "creatively." The baker felt s/he had the right to do likewise.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

Oh my dear goodness.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

The bride said "ombre" the baker heard "hombre".

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

The baker probably figured he or she would "embellish" Madisyn's cake, since someone obviously already embellished her name, like plain ol' everyday "Madison" isn't good enough.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Ombre...not a good trend on cake, obviously.

Happy Ammervisary/Annicorv/Anufersuri Jen and John! Wait...we should totally mix the two and go with Happy Ombraversary!!

I hope you guys have a good one, regardless of how you spell it.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRuth

$40 cake
into $500!
Sandra Lee caters.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

The only thing I've got is.....
Fingers -------- OF DOOM!!!!!!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Hannibal L. says,
It is a shade too pink, but
Finger lickin' good

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

A laugh followed by a terrible fright. I my laugh ("finger-y") came to a sudden end when I scrolled down and found...NO COMMENTS!!! I'll check back later for the rest of my fix.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkjo

I am glad that I am not the only one who sees fingers on the last cake! I very much dislike odd spellings of names, though...

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmie Collins

Perhaps better fingery than penisy?

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

OMG those cakes...especially the first oneI really hope she got a refund.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

God, how I love this blog. Sometimes I laugh so hard I can't breathe.

There are just SO MANY unanswered questions. And I love imagining the exchange between the purchaser (sucker) and the baker (blind, with an over-inflated ego) when the cake is picked up.

AND I love imagining the baker, mid-project, at the moment when he/she realized that he/she cannot possibly come anywhere close to the cake in the photo, but begins a long litany of rationalizations until he/she truly BELIEVES that he/she has created a cake that is worth every penny of $500. In fact, it's a steal at $500! I should have charged more! This is BETTER than the photo. IT IS!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRebecca

I'm kind of mad at that girl for actually giving that baker $500.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

In what alien language is that blue-green cake? I knew I should have gotten a Ph.D. in exolinguistics!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Re the last one...well the flowers turned out... smh

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

In defense... Aw heck. Sheesh.

I'm not a pro baker and I could have done the first one better. Give me the $500!!

The second one... Um... Did the bride ask for much less cake? Just wondering. It's amazing how many people ask for something, change it five ways from Sunday, and still expect it to be 'just like the original'.

The third one... Well, the flowers look pretty darn close.

That's all I got. As to defenses.. Nope. Nada. Nothing.

I'm enjoying your Sunday Sweets more and more. These in between things...most of the time I belly laugh, but when it comes to the wedding screwups, I find I'm sadder and sadder. I just want to cry.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDi F

Am I going to hell because I squeeeee with delight at wedding wrecks? Probably. Don't judge me. :/

On a somewhat related note...Madisyn should be thankful her cake wasn't brown with pink flowers....

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

I hope Madisyn wasn't terrorized by the monster fingers on her cake!!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie

Please, please tell me all of them got their money back!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSjF

Just so long as you get the RIGHT chevrons. After all, there's no place like λ.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

Also, last but not least...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, JEN & JOHN (thoj)!!!!

I'd tell you to eat your favorite cake, but...you know. Perhaps you're better off sticking with π.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

If the first cake was not frozen in the center, it probably would have fallen apart. I'm assuming there are no posts in it, and it is already leaning. Hoping Molly S. got some of her money back.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

At least the wreckerator spelled Madisyn's name correctly. They get points for that, right?

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterIndigo

But why is it slimy? Is that the ice melting? I need the pink cake to not be slimy. The puddle is hilarious!
The blue cake was obviously out of the wreckorator's wheel house and the bride should be forced to display that cake in front of all of her loved ones for making the wreckorator make that much blue icing. Oh... Yeah, well now that sentence seems a little harsh. (Why does no one remember the blue teeth and tongue that comes from that much dye? Don't they still take expensive photos at weddings?)
Is rolling fondant hard? Isn't it just like making a play dough snake and cutting it at the lengths you need? I also see fingers in the wreck, and they aren't pushed through the cake like they could still be attached to magic hands, they have clearly been lopped off, which is somehow worse.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

So little Madisyn got a cake with dozens of little penises on the middle layer.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

On the blue "ombre" cake, WHAT are the initials in the monogram? Is that first one a Z or an L? I know the middle one is an F, but I have no clue what the last one could be!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristy

Cake 1: Can someone please explain how this cake ended up frozen solid in the middle? Or why it was in the freezer at all? I mean, I can see keeping it in the fridge overnight to keep the frosting intact. But freezing? Why, oh why?

Cake 2: Where did the square come into this request? I saw two round cakes.

Cake 3: The mother asked the baker, "Can you do this cake?" And the baker replied "Yes!" without adding, "however, we are going to put in the least effort possible to duplicate what you have here, so it will probably look like crap with creepy fingers."

Happy anniversary to Jen and John!

BTW everyone, we had the memorial service yesterday for my friend Kay, and everything went really well. It even stopped raining for the day. The woman who was supposed to bake the cakes for the lunch backed out Tuesday afternoon. With less than 36 hours notice, my local baker agreed to make and beautifully decorate two 1/2 sheet cakes for us. When I picked them up, she said she'd read Kay's obituary and discovered she used to be a social worker, just like the baker was, so she had to make the special for her. I'm calling her my "cake hero." The cakes were very delicious and beautiful. The world needs more cake heroes like this!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

Wedding wrecks are my favorite. In the first one, it's the slimy gleam that really makes it a standout wreck. The others just look incompetent. That one looks disgusting (and partially digested.)

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie Bittner

Did they spray that pink cake with oil?

My youngest cupcake just came out of the bathroom with his trousers still around his ankles, so I'm not thinking fingers any more...

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

TLC - I'm so glad you had a positive experience with the baker. Sometimes you get to work with the kind people in the world, and I'm so glad that happened for this event.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpagopago

Definitely for a child's cake, Sue W!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Happy Ombraversary, Jen and John (thanks, Ruth!)
Sharyn, "take ombrage" - love it.
Mel and Haiku Joy - a standing "O" (that's "O," as in "ombre!"

TLC, (((( hugs )))) - so grateful you had a cake hero on such a sad day.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjuice318

Hapi Ambiworsery, J&J - hope you celebrated with a non-wreck.

TLC, glad to hear things went well with your friend's service.

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

@ mel- aaaa-ooooohhh, wop wop waaahooooo, wop wop wahooooo, it was a combo mash....

Allison- Firefly reference...YAY!!!

Sharyn- to take ombrage...indeed, I'm going to have to work REALLY hard to find a situation when I can use that phrase, because...IT...IS...AWESOME!

Lhappy Arricorz Jen and John (thoJ)

Keep it up and love you guys, you do a great job here... Thanks for all the laughs and the work you put in to make our lives shiny everyday!

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

@TLC: I'm glad the memorial service for Kay went well; my thoughts are with you and Kay's family.
@juice318: thank you (and clever)....

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Been a while since I've posted! (probably at least seven months, since that's how long it's been since my baby was born!) I got my three-year-old standing beside me saying "Pretty! Boring. Pretty! Blech. Pretty! Boring."

When even my THREE-year-old can tell that it's an epic fail.........

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMommy24Melody

The reason Molly's cake left a puddle on the table is that it was crying....big fat wet cake tears.....it was so ashamed of itself.......

August 29, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterwinnie

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