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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Apr072015

Drink Up, Me Hearties, Yo Ho!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy National Beer Day, everybody!!!

Or, yeah, that.

Please decorate responsibly.

 

A toast to Lisa Q., Bambi W., Haylee H., Nancy M., Hayven, Amy J., Kathy B., Leah P., & Yenni, the best wreckin' buddies a guy could ask for.

*****

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Reader Comments (38)

The next Cake Wrecks book has to have John's cartoons in it for sure!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Champ
Ion
.
.
.
stolen!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

Hahahaha!! Well done, Jon (thoj)! Thanks for those drawings. Those wrecks are truly awful.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I like the first one.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSally Jo

I'm digging the discrepancy between arm lengths :D

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJareth Palmer

Am trying to decide if the last cake is featuring olives or gooseberries. I'm so sad about all of these cakes.

There once was a baker who made
A cake for which he was paid.
But the decorative icing
Was hardly sufficing;
Making customers all very afraid.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

That explains so much.....

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

As Homer Simpson would say...."MMMMMMMMMMMM.....Beer..GGGLLLLLLLL
LLAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH........"

Waffle Cone cake?!?

LOL-LAFO!!!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

LOVE it!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNata

john, you old so-and-so...(or is that "sot"?)...I wanted to say "Leave the piping bag.Take the beer.." (I thought #5 might be cannoli, but the photo credit says it's a "smashed ice cream cone", and there's already enough "smashed" going on here...) =^e.e^=

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

If I were Lisa, I'd be trying to escape too. Is it too early for a Margarita?

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

As Flo from Progressive says, "Sprinkles are for winners."

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

A powerful behind the scenes exposé of how wrecks happen.
Thanks John!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterA.

Don't drink and pipe.

And I agree with Sandy: next CW book definitely got to have John's cartoons in it.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

Yeah...I thought the last cake straight-up had piping tips on it. Did a triple take and realized they are mini champagne bottles as viewed from above.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFostersu

The icing on that cookie is definitely whipped!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

It's a damn shame about that first one, cause the bow is pretty decent.....

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

I like to think that the 2015 Champ- Ions cookie cake is for a group of Ions who are just killing it this season. They could just be super positive Ions! You don't know! Don't judge!

Although I am wondering what was written before the 2015 was put down. That's the problem with red frosting. It stains.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNagzilla

I knew this was a John post! That picture of the drunk wreckorator throwing sprinkles...spot on.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTori

I love john (thoJ) posts! Every time I sit at my computer at work and do the typical "I can't believe I have to read this" pose, I think of Fu Man Chu john and it makes me giggle.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@drgns4vr - they are miniature bottles. Took me a few looks before I realized it myself as I was also leaning towards the olives explanation.

And I agree with @Sandy - we definitely need Jon's illustrations for the next book!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLady Kal

Unlike the wrecks, this post makes so much sense!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Those little cartoons explain the cakes perfectly! No guessing what was going on in the decorator's mind......you nailed it!!!!!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne Dargie

@ Bigg3469

Explanation of waffle cone cake: At an unknown point in the not-to-distant-past an unknown baker used an ice cream cone & some clever frosting work to decorate a cake to look like a cone of ice cream was on the top of it. This design was soon adapted by others to look like a dropped, melting ice cream cone on top of a cake.

When done well, these cakes are actually pretty good looking. The example shown here of course is the current, degenerated form of the "ice cream cone on a cake" idea, as made by incompetent/lazy (& apparently drunk) grocery-store decorators.

It's that copy-of-a-copy-of-a-copy quality, where each generation of copy is slightly worse than the previous one until the picture is entirely unrecognizable next to the original; one decorator understands what he's trying to make it look like, but makes it poorly, the next decorator just copies the poorly made one with no idea what it's supposed to look like & makes it look worse, the third decorator copies the second's work, but is too lazy to care what it looks like & so forth, until you have the example above.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterNerfbomb

oh, sure, the LAST one is cute! LOL! I love these cartoons!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

That icing on the cookie cake wasn't just whipped, it was beaten to death! It looks as if it was decorated with Silly String. (Please, don't anybody get any smart ideas!)

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Loved the URK cake. Classic!

Add my vote those who think John's cartoons should be in the next book.

And @SuBee, it's NEVER too early for a margarita. It's 5 o'clock somewhere!

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

That urk cake might be trying to look like a fire opal. Some things just weren't meant to be.

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMark in SF

XD

What occasion calls for rainbow hairball?

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKing Josiah

Thank you Jon, for this cautionary tale about the dangers of drinking and decorating. Now will someone please hold my hair while I "hurk"?

April 7, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

I love the waffle cone jammed into a cake lol. At least they got giant sprinkles to go with it. As for happy drunk day at least the flowers were nice lol. Loved the illustrations. Nearly choked laughing so hard.

April 8, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

A rainbow hairball is clearly celebrating someone's beloved cat safely regurgitating the Tom Baker scarf it ate. Personally, I don't order a cake for those occasions; I just clean up the mess and ask the cat, "What is WRONG with you?"

Yes! Another vote for Jon's cartoons to be included in the next book of Wrecks.

April 8, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCatTrampoline

haha...LOVED this...thanks for the laughs, I needed them :)

April 8, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

Furball? I thought the dog ate crayons again.

April 8, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEoin

I had to laugh when I saw this post! Being an amateur, I make my cakes in my own kitchen, and there has not been any cake I have made that I have not had at least one liquor drink. I am proud to say that none of my cakes look like they belong on CakeWrecks!

April 26, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterwildduck

The waffle cone cake -- that 122 is the wreckster's blood alcohol level.

May 21, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterOLUT

I've been silently chuckling my way through the archives, but this post made it really difficult to not guffaw so loudly that my co-workers could hear.

More please!

June 4, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterToni

@j CatTrampoline--I am owned by a couple of cats, so your post really got me!

John--I loved the cartoons and the progression here. Excellent pacing and I was howling (so much that one of my cats fled in a big hurry).

Keep up the great work!

July 14, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

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