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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Feb132017

Mostly Armless

John and I are celebrating Valentine's day a little differently this year, minions.

See, John's having surgery this afternoon, so tomorrow he'll be trussed up sleep-drooling in the recliner, while I eat chocolate and plan elaborate scenarios to convince him the zombie apocalypse happened while he was unconscious.

 

If you're wondering how this is different from any other Valentine's, then clearly you know us well and we should hang out sometime. (I could use fresh zombie faces.)

Yep, our Valentine's day will include lots of complicated straps and ice cubes and... hang on, that sounds kinky.

 

What I mean is, we're going to be trying out some new machinery in the bedroom.

But not like that.

 

Look, I'm just going to be restraining John in a loving manner and force-feeding him heavy narcotics along with macaroni and cheese, but DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA.

 

We're both consenting adults.

 

And I'm sure John will be fine.

Eventually.

 

Anyway, just didn't want to give you guys the wrong idea.

Also, I just realized I never mentioned John's surgery is on his shoulder, so my BRILLIANT title pun has gone unappreciated this entire post. Curses.

Ah well.

 

Thanks to Jen K., Jennifer H., Joan J., Alessandra V., Maggie L., Chenoa C., & Elisabeth W. for reminding us that sometimes, love hurts.

*****

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« The Anti-Valentine | Main | Sunday Sweets Hearts Valentines Day »

Reader Comments (36)

You two clearly belong together. I hope John feels better soon. And I think those cakes are beyond redemption. D:

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMindy1

I was laughing so much at your commentary, I almost didn't notice the typos on the cakes themselves.
BE MIEE

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLynne

Best wishes of recovery to John, , and yes, to you too.

Sincerely,
[seriously disturbed by the"mouth" cake],
Tere

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTere

Jen and John - Hope everything goes very well with John's shoulder surgery.
Now down to business.
All the cakes are troubling in their own way, but as for #3:
It's either a bed bug traveling straight across a red-confection mattress, OR
those lips need some SERIOUS chapstick. (Yuck.)

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNeeta

Wishes for a flawless recovery to John and Jen. Yes, Jen too. I was armless for 9 months, while my humerous bone fracture healed. Arm in cast and sling, in constant traction position, which meant no showering without help, or dressing myself and sleeping in a reclined position. Hint to John and Jen: A good recliner to sleep in works wonders. So, I can completely sympathize with you both. Enjoy the pain meds John! That's the fun part of recovery.

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCookiemama

If I could, I'd send a get-well cake. Speedy recovery John.

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Best of luck to John. :)

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

Praying for a smooth and non wrecky convalescence for John.

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterZeenia

That last one is no wreck in my book. A bit gooey, but yummy-looking.

The first, however, made me think of a sphinx. Those black lines meant to separate the toes resemble lion claws.

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Brilliant post Jen...and you just reminded me of one of my favorite jokes.

Where does the general keep his armies?

In his little sleevies!

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDonnaB

Take care you two! I I would send you a wreck, but laughing might be painful. It's good medicine, but not as much as pian meds.

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKnittedbooties

I like Number Four. Although Number Five, with all that bright red icing, is good too!

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAlicia

"Bee Mine, and spell it with two 'E's."

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterR3test

Your brilliant title wasn't lost on those of us who faithfully read EPBOT too. ;) Seriously, prayers for a fast recovery and... cakes that don't look like these. Also, clearly I know you well and we should hang out sometime. Um...I don't suppose you happen to have plans to visit Maine once his shoulder has healed? Or, I don't know, givean all-expenses paid hang-with-John-and-Jen Disney World trip? Not sure how that "hanging out" thing will happen otherwise. ;)

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKay S

I'm ordering a cake just like the last one for Hubby this year! "Love you to death" in drippy, blood red icing. PERFECTION!

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

I want to second the sleeping in a recliner during the recovery. Also,make sure the TP is easy to get to and easy for a one armed guy to tear off. I hope the surgery and the recovery are quick and painless. And I will be laughing about those zombie eyes all day.

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMsanthrope

OK - the wrecks - I got nothing. But Jen, I will be praying & thinking positive thoughts for you. I know Jon had the surgery, but it is my experience that the wives experience pain, too! :-)

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJudyBeth

Mostly Armless? is that Cockney Vogon Poetry?

and here's best wishes to John for a quick and eventless recovery!

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTrystan

What maniac put a diaper on that poor camel in the first picture?

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

Best wishes, John, for a smooth surgery and a quick recovery!

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermel

Hope the surgery goes well.

Jen, while jthoj is on pain meds, show him some of the wreckiest of the wrecks and record his impressions. Like a Rorschach test.

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

If showing John these cakes won't be enough to convince him of a zombie apocolypse, I can't imagine what would.
Wishing you (yes, you,Jen) a quick recovery, and hoping thoj is especially strong, unlike some of the whiny males that I've both known, and/or been told about! Lol! Just kidding! =^~.-^=

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Sending John lots of healthy vibes. I'm sure he'll come through the surgery swimmingly! People on narcotics sometimes say interesting things. I know I did when taking Percocet after double wisdom teeth removal. Yeah.

Anyways will be sending BOTH of you good thoughts.

These pre- Valentine cakes have me ROTFLMAO. 😂

MaryO1230

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaryo1230

So you won't be tying John down to all the bedposts spread eagle and going on a spending spree while he's drugged up...(not that you could with hospital bills nowadays)

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNathan R.

Is the "Happy Valen-tine Day" cake a pen*s pan cake with a football helmet? Or a pen*s pan cake with a stork bundle? I have looked and looked at it and I see nothing else. Please! I need to know what the heck that's supposed to be! Why is the wang wearing a hat?!?

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCBushLite

I am sitting in my husband's hospital room as I write this! Sadly, hubber is in no laughing mood sine his surgery was this afternoon. I however, am snorting!

February 13, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLee Ann

Well at least there isn't a happy vd cake in here.. yet lmao. That will show up tomorrow I am sure since the wreckerators love doing that every year. Bleh lol.

February 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I'm still trying to figure out what the heck the red and white blobby thing is. The best I can come up with is a fire hydrant, wearing a stocking cap, with a spurting headwound.

February 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKrysten

I second JudyBeth and sendingtheclown's comments. My man has had shoulder and knee surgeries. Jen, you might want some meds (or at least some cake) yourself! Take care, both of you!

February 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

CBushLite-- I think #5 is supposed to be a 1? Maybe for their 1st Valentines day together? Not sure, sometimes a penis cake is just a penis cake-

February 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterZoe

Hope all goes well with the surgery. FWIW, you both have an arm-y of well-wishers trying to help you (virtually) shoulder the stress....

February 14, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Can I just say that I love you guys? Your website has made me,laugh for years. Again..thank you.

February 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStaci

LIPS? I thought #3 looked a lot like those hats the Women Marchers wore ... Have your "cake" and eat it, too!? Good luck, Jen, on a recovering hubs...could test your marriage, so have lots of cake handy -- to eat, or throw!

February 14, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterQueenRae

Damn, Trystan beat me to the Hitchhiker's joke! Well, hope you packed your towels, and John's recovery is speedy!

February 15, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

Had to check the posting date with that title. Too bad it wasn't 2/11.

February 15, 2017 | Unregistered Commentergonnhirrin

Am I the only one seeing "Love yow to death" on the last one? Who's yow? Why does s/he deserve to die?

Hope you're healing well, and staying sane!

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAbi

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