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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Dec132016

The 5-Word Phrase Every Baker Should Know

Bakers, we need to talk. Please, have a seat.
[waits while 15,000 bakers find chairs]

I thought we might try something new today. It's called "refusing an order," and it's made up of 5 simple words: "Sorry, I can't make that." Easy, right?

Let's practice. I'll be the customer.

 

Hi there! I'd like you to make this peppermint candy cake, please! I'm VERY enthusiastic, and I have money!

Now you say, "Sorry, I can't make that."

 

Frank: "I could TOTALLY make that! Look!"

Aaaand stop. Can anyone tell me where Frank went wrong?

Judy: "Frank accepted the job?"

EXACTLY. Let's try again.

Excuse me, I'd like you to hand pipe this picture of Madonna on a cake. How much?

Now YOU say...

[whole room murmuring] "Sorry, I can't make tha..."

Judy: "On it!"

Oh, Judy.

Judy, Judy, Judy.

Who knows what Judy should have said?

[all murmuring together]: "Sorry, I can't make that."

Right! Let's try a lightning round.

Barb! Quick! You can't make me this Spider-Man cake, can you?

 

Barb: "Dang right I can! WATCH THIS!"

[rubbing temples] Come on, bakers, remember your five words!

How 'bout you, Phil? Think you can make this flaming skull cake?

Phil: "Gosh, I don't know, that's pretty hard..."

Good, good! Recognize your limitations! Now you say, "Sorry, I can't..."

 

Phil: [interrupting] "Oh, what the heck! Gimme ten minutes!"

You're monsters, all of you.

 

Well, that's our time. Let's meet back here again tomorrow for a new installment of Don't Fear The Dictionary. You monsters.

 

And thanks to Gena M., Christine T., Lea T. & Marisol L. for today's object lessons.

*****

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Monday
Dec122016

Let's Have A Peek At You

I admit it, I don't know much about Pikachu. I'm a grown man, darnit! So when I watch cartoons, there better be turtles who eat pizza and use nun-chucks, is what I'm saying.

Also ponies. Big fan of ponies.

Still, even I know Pikachu is an adorable yellow... thing... that kinda looks like this:

Only with less mold.

 

Or like this:

"Kiiiiill killkillkillkill..."

Only with less homicidal eye-glinting.

 

You know what? Here. This is what Pikachu looks like:

 

And with such a handy reference, I'm sure your baker will have NO PROBLEM... er...

Never mind.

***

 

[Dramatic Narrator Voice] "Meanwhile, in Japan..."

o.0

 

Thanks to Lynae, Betsy M., Anony M., & Lauren S., who I hear has a compunction to capture the entirety. (LOOK GUYS I MADE A POKEMON JOKE!)

*****

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