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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jun202016

World's Greatest Cake Wreck Gets Drop-Kicked In Our Lap

You may have heard about the Michigan woman who allegedly "drop-kicked" a Kroger birthday cake last week. Apparently she "was not satisfied" (ya think?) with the Batman vs Superman cake she ordered, and tried to go behind the bakery counter to fix it herself.

Of course this is a big no-no, so when employees intervened the women decided the cake was better served as a football. The resulting kerfuffle “caused pieces of cake and frosting to be strewn about,” police said. A witness reported the woman “threw the cake to the ground, stepped on it several times, and yelled, ‘They (expletive) ruined my 7-year-old’s birthday cake!’”

On her way out, the unhappy patron also allegedly kicked over a “wet floor” sign.

Guess which of those lines was my favorite.

Now, I think we can all agree this kind of behavior is reprehensible, but let's be honest: the real crime here is NO ONE TOOK VIDEO.

But don't you worry, we are here to help.

So please enjoy this helpful recreation:

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED.

And lest you think we here at Cake Wrecks are condoning public cake destruction, minions, allow me to present:

5 Reasons NOT To Drop-Kick A Cake

#1 Jeremy has to clean it up

And Jeremy has finals this week, so give the guy a break, okay?

 

#2 You can still eat it

Does this cake look like disease?
Yes.

But just scrape off the most tumor-y lookin' stuff, and it's good to go!

 

#3: No One Likes A Cake-Kicker

Would you kick a puppy?
Of course not.
So why kick something that tastes so much better?

 

#4 You could hurt your foot

And if you think Mr. Hunky Fireman/EMT is going to sweep a cake-kicker off her feet, fuggetaboutit.

 

#5 The cake could always be worse

Please. Have you read this blog? It could ALWAYS be worse.

 

 

 

Always.

So remember, minions, the next time you want to kick a cake, take a picture and send it to us instead. It'll be cathartic. Promise.

 

Thanks to Andrea T., Jennifer A., Christina B., Brandy R., Atala, Brenda J., Kid F., Naomi J., & the hundreds of people who sent in the drop-kick story. It warms our cockles to know rampant cake destruction makes you guys think of us.

*****

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Sunday
Jun192016

Sunday Sweets For Dear Ol' Dad

 

How do you capture the essence of every dad in 11 Sweet cakes?

Well, you don't.

But this is a great excuse for me to post some pretties I think a lot of guys would like - and a few that I know my own Dad will dig.

Like a big steak dinner...

(By Debbie Does Cakes)

That's actually a cake!

(No, really!)

 

And when it comes to dream cars, you'd be hard pressed to find any lovelier than a classic red Ferrari:

(By The White Ombré)

Admit it: if that slice wasn't cut out, you'd think these were models, right?

 

My Dad introduced my brother and me to everything from ABBA to Louis Armstrong growing up, so to me music and fathers go together like chocolate cake and marshmallow icing. Which is to say they should ALWAYS go together.

(By Isbilya Cakes)

Classic Beatles is classic. I still love Octopus' Garden best.

 

Not every father is a Mr. Fix It, but for those who are...

(By The Royal Bakery)

How cool is this green and purple color scheme? And the "oil drip" lettering?
(This makes me like to think the Joker tinkers in the garage in his spare time.)

 

You regulars know my folks are reeeally into motorcycles now, so this one's for MY Dad:

(By Cakey Bakes Cakes)

That's a sunset I could ride into, right there.

 

Continuing our theme of cakes that don't look like cakes:

(By Melanie Judge)

...how much fun could you have with this cake remote control? I'm imaging an elaborate set-up with a new big-screen box and plenty of hidden cameras. (Just me?)

 

I have vague memories of my Dad teaching me to catch in our tiny suburban backyard. I think that's another Dad requirement, right? Even when your kids are about as adept at sports as a three-humped camel doing the limbo?

(By Delicia Designs)

Maybe if you'd offered me more cake, Dad, I wouldn't have run away from the ball so much. (OK, yes I would have, but the cake still would have been a nice gesture on your part.)

 

Aha, another one for my Dad:

(By Sweet Element)

GUINNESS. Not so much the Star Wars LEGO figures. Those are more for me. :D

 

But lest you think my Dad isn't a geek, oh ho! YES HE IS.

(By Cake Révol)

He and Mom brought me to my very first sci-fi convention: a traveling Doctor Who exhibit held in the parking lot of our local PBS station. I got to play in the TARDIS and meet John Pertwee and it was GLORIOUS.

 

Now, I could have featured more sport cakes here, but let's be honest: dads also love video games.
Am I right?
OF COURSE I'M RIGHT.

And here's a Pip-Boy from one of John's favorite games, Fallout:

(By Designs By Angela)

It fits around your arm, for easy snacking. :D

 

And finally, for every guy who dreams of being James Bond:

(By Dolce Arte)

Here's to the dads who are never shaken, always stirred.
MWAH.

 

Happy Father's Day, everyone!

*****

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