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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Aug172016

6 Wedding Wrecks That Make Me Glad I'm Already Married

Now here's a couple who really loves their Fruity Pebbles:

I don't know what the groom's supposed to be doing, but whatever it is, I'm pretty sure he's doing it wrong.

 

I am a HUGE steampunk fan. Ask anyone. They'll probably back away slowly and call the authorities, but still, go ahead and ask them. 

 That said...

No. 

 Just...no.

 

Look, nobody said ordering your wedding cake would be a bed of roses. 

If they were honest, though, they might have insinuated it'd be a lumpy tower of them:

What is...How...I don't even...

 Oh, never mind.

 

Then there's this:

Whoah, whoah, hang on, there! You're not allowed to just scroll down here like nothing happened! No, you march your virtual self RIGHT BACK UP THIS SCREEN and take a GOOD HARD LOOK at that wedding wreck. You hear me? And then you THINK ABOUT what that wreckerator has done. And how your six-year-old cousin could have done better - you know, the one with the late-blooming spatial awareness. And then maybe SNICKER a little more. And then - THEN - you be GRATEFUL for what you have and you move along.

 

 I'm a cat owner, so I know first hand that sisal rope - which is the stuff on their favorite scratching posts - has tiny sharp fibers that stick out all over and snag everything that gets near it.

 Which is why it's an EXCELLENT idea to wrap your wedding cake in it. That's right; go ahead and smoosh that snaggly hairy stuff right on down in the icing! People will love it!

MMMM.

 Also, is that loop on top a love knot, or a noose? YOU DECIDE.

 

 Saaay, I didn't know airline baggage handlers did wedding cakes, too!

Just look at that consistent quality of care! So realistic, your guests will be queuing up to file a claim!

(Watch out for the delivery fees, though; I hear only the first tier is free.)

 

Thanks to Katherine, Rainna A., Anony M., Brenda J., Alli B., & Sara for helping me continue to strike terror in the hearts of brides-to-be everywhere. MUAH-HA-HAA!

Tuesday
Aug162016

The Giving Spree 

It's been six months since Valentines day, minions, so CLEARLY you need a refresher in romance.
And CLEARLY I am the one to give it. Because CLEARLY I am a giver. (Shush, John.)

So.

Maybe try one of these?

 

- Play some sexy music

When in doubt, go with the classics.

 

- Recite a romantic poem

Why are there only 2 ducks? I'm so glad you asked.
Because you put the 3rd somewhere... wet.
Like the bath tub.
Sicko.

 

- Wear something daring to bed

Like clown pants.

 

- Play Doctor

AW YEAH PASS THE BLEACH BAY-BAY.

 

And finally, if you're feeling really adventurous....

- Try picking up hot chicks together

Mmm. Melty.
Now, let's go spark some romance, peeps!

 

Thanks to Jan B., Katie C., Jillian I., Jude M., & Liberty for discovering true poultry in motion.

Note from john- Jen assures me that the kitty simply had a booboo and the nice vet was making it all better so it could frolic with its friends.

*****

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