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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jul032009

...and so fourth

With Jen currently sprawled on the couch surrounded by remotes and souped up on Darvoset, I figured it would be nice of me not to make her write a post today. She still has to make dinner of course - hey, it's not like it's gonna make itself! - but sometimes sacrifices like these are required to make a marriage work. ("Hey babe? Those potatoes are looking a little lumpy...Just sayin'.")

But seriously, *heh* we've gotten a whole bunch of Fourth of July cakes and it would be a shame not to share them. "Would you say we have a plethora of cakes?" you ask. Si, Elguapo, si.

Allow me to start with what I like to call a "wait...what?" cake:

Let's take it step by step here:

1. Start with an airbrush. 'Cuz ya gos ta show off yo mad skillz.

2. Realize you don't know how to do anything but wonky lines with said airbrush.

3. Pull out trusty icing bag and try to fake us all out with hastily splooged border and stars.

4. Add red, white and blue sprinkles to distract viewers from step #2.

Next we have donuts:


Yes, doughnuts. Because they were feeling left out of all the patriotic splooging. On a side note, I've seen my share of brightly colored icing before but this stuff makes me want to chuck it in a lead barrel and bury it in a mountain somewhere.

Remember the days when decorators would at least try to make a CCC (hwok...hwok...snort...ptooie!) look like something?


Yeah, those were the days. I particularly like the blue over spray on the cake board here for that extra special "Meh, who gives a flying squirrel?"* touch.

And finally,

If you think I'm going to touch this with a ten-foot pole, you've got another thing coming.**

Thanks, all, for bearing with us on Jen's day of woozyloopytudeness. She should be back soon - same bat time, same bat channel - so stay tuned.

*See? Look how family-friendly I am!

**Ok, never mind.

Thanks to Sarah C., Lesli W., Gilian, and Amy G. WRECK ON!

Thursday
Jul022009

Taking Liberties

As we gear up for the fourth of July, it's nice to see bakeries celebrating the freedom our brave men and women in the armed forces have afforded them.

Namely, the freedom to unleash Wreckage of this caliber on the unsuspecting populace:

'Cuz if you've got it, flaunt it, right?

The star of Irving, David's rarely-mentioned younger brother.

I think this is either an umbrella or a pair of scissors. John sees a hand making the peace sign. And to be honest, the fact that all of those are options is oddly impressive.

This last one looks like one of those cartoon steam whistles, like in Steamboat Willy:

Since whistles don't usually say "Bang!", though, I guess I have to agree with Tara M. that this is a firecracker. Which makes about as much sense as a steam whistle saying "Bang!", come to think of it.

Shelley B., David K., Kelly B., did you notice that ALL of today's Wrecks are cupcake cakes?

NOTE: Thank you all for the many kind comments and e-mails yesterday. I'm in surgery today at 1PM EST, but should be back tweeting and snarking away by this evening. You've reminded me once again that I have the best readers any blogger could ever hope for, so thanks again.

UPDATE: The surgery went great! And y'all weren't kidding about the drugs...I almost wish I needed to take more, but I'm feeling surprisingly little pain. Your well-wishes and prayers were very much appreciated and felt, so thank you all again!