Confessions Of A Master Baker

Welcome to another installment of...

Confessions of a Master Baker!

"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."

[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]
"I guess I got a bit carried away with the chocolate drizzle -- you know, it's always a bit of a crap shoot..."

"I made my mother-in-law deliver it."

[whispered]

Confessions...

"...and then I found myself smashing a disco ball on top of it."

[small sob] "I figured the lights would blind anyone who got too close!"

[whispered]

Revelations...

"They loved skiing. Nothing says 'skiing' like giant plastic pickles and shredded Parmesan, right?" [hiccups]

"I didn't realize how bad it was 'til the bride threw it at me."

[whispered]

Disclosures...

"They said they wanted 'steampunk,' so I googled it. Gears, tentacles, balloons - I was all, 'Hey, I got this.'"

"And, boy, did I get it."

[sound of pages flipping]
Uh... ah!
[whispering]

Formal professions of guilt...

"So then I said, 'hey, you know what'd be cute? Camouflage butterflies."

"But the bride just didn't see it."

Next week... on Confessions of a Master Baker:

"So I figured, put the babies ON the carrots..."

[light behind figures fades to black]

Thanks to Jessica W., Michelle B., Melanie J., Stella P., & Natalie S. for the delicious divulgences.

*****

P.S. Quick Butterfly Chaser to remind you they CAN be super lovely:

I made this rainbow wreath for John's room using this 84-pc butterfly set, which I know you crafters are gonna love:

(3D Butterfly Wall Magnet Set)

They're double-sided and come with both magnets and stickers. Definitely browse the projects in the reviews, there are so many cool ideas - and the set is on sale right now for $9.99!

Underwhelmingly Bad Wedding Cakes

You ever see a cake and have one of those reactions like: "Ooooh, that's not good. I mean, it could be worse, I guess, but still, really not good. What was it for? ... A wedding?! OH THAT POOR BRIDE."

That's today's cakes.

They're all a bit sad...

A bit lumpy-bumpy...

A bit, "Oh. OH. Um, how... nice?"

When your wedding's "cupcake tower" looks like something you made during the slumber party for your 14th birthday:

Or when there's more wire in your wedding cake than the average 14-year-old's braces:

o.0

You know how in movies when the bad guy lets loose with a machine gun on a wall somewhere, leaving lines of bullet holes that the light shines through?

Imagine the gun shoots roses:

BAM.

(Yes, I know otherwise it's fine. JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.)

And finally, whatever you do, don't think about stretched skin.

Or parsley.

STOP IT.

Thanks to Carrie B., Deanna H., Jimena, Dawn D., Shannon, Britton E., Helen, & Pat J. for lifting our saggy, saggy spirits.

*****

P.S. Speaking of ways to prevent sagging (oh yeah, nailed that segue), this saved my butt during a long painting day recently, so I have a random product recommendation:

No Buckle No-Show Stretch Belt

This is my new favorite belt, y'all. It basically turns anything with belt loops into an elastic waist. So comfy I forget it's on, slimline so it doesn't show under my t-shirts, and NO BELT BUCKLE to dig into my belly or unbuckle for bathroom breaks. Woohoo!

You know how stretch jeans are forever sliding down when you sit or bend, so you have to keep hitching them back up? No more! I wear this with all my jeans now. It's entirely elastic, so it moves and stretches with you, zero painful digging. I HIGHLY recommend for anyone well endowed with squish in the belly area.

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: