Tell The Doctor To Bring His Sonic Screwdriver

I understand, bakers. Sometimes it's an innocent mistake!

Maybe you really tried to make a basketball court:

And it turned out a little wangish.

We get it.

Maybe this was literally the 327th cake you've made today, and maybe your space shuttle...

...came out more like a shuttlecock.

(HEYOOOO)

And so WHAT if your baseball bats lean a little to the left?

Sure, they're reminiscent of some other types of wood, but chalk that up to a swing and a miss!

HOWEVER.
I'm not buying it with these next ones, bakers.
Because these...

...are NOT bunny feet.

This...

...is NOT a candle.

And no matter how much you grease my palm, bakers, THIS:

...is NOT a TARDIS.

Seriously.

Let's get a grip here.

Everybody knows: if you're not up to the task, then you call in the Master baker.
Otherwise you're just gonna blow it!

Thanks to Amelia B., Christa L., Katie G., Nicole, Sara W., & Catherine B., who agree that light bulb thing on the tip looks... uncomfortable. And that it must be really cold in there.

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World's Greatest Cake Wreck Gets Drop-Kicked In Our Lap

You may have heard about the Michigan woman who allegedly "drop-kicked" a Kroger birthday cake last week. Apparently she "was not satisfied" (ya think?) with the Batman vs Superman cake she ordered, and tried to go behind the bakery counter to fix it herself.

Of course this is a big no-no, so when employees intervened the women decided the cake was better served as a football. The resulting kerfuffle “caused pieces of cake and frosting to be strewn about,” police said. A witness reported the woman “threw the cake to the ground, stepped on it several times, and yelled, ‘They (expletive) ruined my 7-year-old’s birthday cake!’”

On her way out, the unhappy patron also allegedly kicked over a “wet floor” sign.

Guess which of those lines was my favorite.

Now, I think we can all agree this kind of behavior is reprehensible, but let's be honest: the real crime here is NO ONE TOOK VIDEO.

But don't you worry, we are here to help.

So please enjoy this helpful recreation:

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED.

And lest you think we here at Cake Wrecks are condoning public cake destruction, minions, allow me to present:

5 Reasons NOT To Drop-Kick A Cake

#1 Jeremy has to clean it up

And Jeremy has finals this week, so give the guy a break, okay?

#2 You can still eat it

Does this cake look like disease?
Yes.

But just scrape off the most tumor-y lookin' stuff, and it's good to go!

#3: No One Likes A Cake-Kicker

Would you kick a puppy?
Of course not.
So why kick something that tastes so much better?

#4 You could hurt your foot

And if you think Mr. Hunky Fireman/EMT is going to sweep a cake-kicker off her feet, fuggetaboutit.

#5 The cake could always be worse

Please. Have you read this blog? It could ALWAYS be worse.

Always.

So remember, minions, the next time you want to kick a cake, take a picture and send it to us instead. It'll be cathartic. Promise.

Thanks to Andrea T., Jennifer A., Christina B., Brandy R., Atala, Brenda J., Kid F., Naomi J., & the hundreds of people who sent in the drop-kick story. It warms our cockles to know rampant cake destruction makes you guys think of us.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.