Rear View Wreckage

Loyal henchpersons, I won't lie to you: today's post scares the bejeepers out of me.

You see, if ever a Wreck was cursed on this blog, it is the Baby Butt Cake:

By Anything Artistic

I first posted one waaaay back in the infant days of Wrecks, but I soon had to pull the photo when I learned the baker was not a pro. So, I replaced it with a different butt cake. This time the baker was a pro, but was also none too pleased at having her creation be the butt of my butt jokes. So, I pulled THAT photo. (To date, I've only had about 8 or 9 bakers ever ask me to remove a photo. Not a bad record, for all that.)

At that point I decided the post was cursed, and left it.

However, today, dear readers, I face my fears. You see, the butt cake phenomenon has been growing unchecked, and is now threatening to overrun the world's baby showers. My friends, we cannot let this happen. Even if the cakes are well-executed,* I ask you: where is the sense? Where is the "cute?"

[*Heh. "Well-executed." Heh.]

Where...is the other half of this baby?

Aha! You see, most pro-butt bakers won't show you *this* angle.

Instead, they prefer to showcase their creations by the light of the full moon:

For many of these designs, the angle is such that it appears the baby is stuck head-down inside the cake - thereby answering the "where's the rest of him?" question, but raising several more of the "who buries a baby in a cake?" variety.

Other bakers unashamedly go with the Bisected Baby approach, figuring that a little fondant draping over that waist jutting off the side somehow makes the whole thing "work."

And since we're obviously not letting a trifling thing like anatomy get in the way, why NOT have Gumby knees?

Ouch.

This one almost looks like a head and hands popping up:



While this one makes me really....uncomfortable.

[looking left and right] Um...

Ok. Yeah. I'm just going to go ahead and say it:

The "Barely There Censor Bear" is really earning his money today.

And finally, let's end with something so hilarious that I have no choice but(t) to believe the baker is mocking the entire Baby Butt genre:

Yes!!
If you must have a butt cake, then this is the one to have.
(Always go for comedy over cute with body part cakes. It's safer that way.)

Thanks to Tina, Anony M., Carolina, Jamie, Marilyn W., Angie & Kim, Ashley D., Lisa E., & Jillayne, who are all bottom-feeders. In a good way. (Kind of.)

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Sunday Sweets: Your Holiday Happy Place

By now many of you are no doubt in that stress-filled haze of pre-Christmas panic - the one that results from too much shopping and too little eggnog. (Because, seriously, EGGNOG FIXES EVERYTHING.)

So listen, I want you to just sit back, relax, and let allll that holiday stress go. Because this, my friends, is your happy place.

See? LOOK HOW HAPPY:

(By Karla's Little Bakery)

Is this not the sweetest, artsiest bit of edible quilling you've ever seen? So perfect! Now I want to try quilling again just to make this pattern into next year's Christmas cards.

And speaking of cards, doesn't this remind you of all those vintage-styled pretties - the ones on thick cream paper with embossed lettering?

(By Alliance Bakery)

I think it's all the handpainting; it's just SO perfect it looks printed.

And now, ruffly goodness:

(By Inspired by Michelle Cake Designs)

See that pattern on the white? I love that pattern. I want it covered in crystals and made into wrapping paper - which I will then hoard, Smaug-style, along with thousands of rolls of sparkly Christmas ribbon, because I seriously can't stop buying that stuff.

Ahem.

You may have heard that the Three Wise Men brought the baby Jesus gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, but did you know they also brought something a little more festive?

(By Yuma Couture Cakes)

Because it's not a birthday party 'til there are balloons, dangit.
(That silhouette is too, too cool.)

This one makes me hum "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" - and with the right words, even!

(By Chanata sweets 'n Decoration)

That pop of lime green in the middle with the teal is just about the cheeriest thing ever, and I love the dusting of powered sugar snow on the chocolate pinecones. And did you notice this is an anniversary cake? SO SWEET.

This next one is as cozy as your favorite Christmas sweater:

(Photography by Simone van Den Berg, cake by Evelien Keijer)

It's also baffling the heck out of me, since I have no idea how the baker did it. She couldn't have individually piped every single "stitch," right? Right?? Please, someone tell me; I may lose sleep over this.

Another handpainted beauty with a vintage vibe:

(Found here, anyone know the baker?)

I'm digging the "snow" dripping off those berries and branches.

And this one manages to be modern and classic at the same time:

(Artwork by Illustree and cake by Three Little Blackbirds Cakes)

Black, white, and sparkly red glitter will never go out of style, people. NEVER.

And don't underestimate the power of a little red accent on a soft gray palette, either:

(By Of Cakes and Cupcake (and Apollo too))

Airbrushing done right makes me all happy inside.

You know, I've seen a lot of cakes, and I generally pride myself on being able to spot what's edible and what's not. This next one, though? Completely fooled me:

(By Gateaux Inc.)

I thought those were stacked hat boxes, but nope; it's cake, and everything on it is edible. The bells, the silky gold robe, and of course the sheet music sides. Plus the solid side has this gorgeous shimmer you can really only see up close:

Wowza.

And if you thought that was stunning, then hold on to your giant pearly antlers:

(By Cake Heart)

[gasp]

OooooOOOOoooooh.
And just like that, blue is my new favorite color.

Well, I hope you enjoyed, my friends, because your happy place is now closing. So get on out there, and go drink some eggnog. [lifting cup] Cheers!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.