Hunker Down, and WRITE IT OUT

Sometimes I feel like a cake archeologist, minions. I inspect the clues, sift through the remains, and try to figure out what happened in the past.

For example....

Something terrible has happened here.

Some events are pretty straightforward:

The old "ran out of icing" story.

There's also the classic "Too lazy to change the icing tip after piping the border":

Or its variation, "Too lazy to change the icing tip after piping the roses":

Here we see evidence of significant toothpick scraping, often indicative of the "I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here" dynasty of the Mid-Graduation era:

Ahhh. Magnificent.

You know that thing in restaurants where everyone is singing Happy Birthday to some stranger three tables over, and you all just mumble your way through the name part?

This is that, in cake form:

Sadly some mysteries will never be solved. Instead we'll be left to forever wonder... the 5th what?

I think I've cracked the code on this next one, though. Here's a recreation of the ACTUAL EVENTS, as played by hired actors in my head:

"What do you mean, 'last minute?' Of course we custom-ordered your cake, Miranda! Weeks ago! This was totally planned!"

While we'll never know for sure what happened to wrecks of the past, one thing is certain: the longer you look at this one, the funnier it gets:

Seriously.

I'm crying.

(I wonder who did the bigger spit-take: me or the baker.)

Thanks to Tex, Betsy P., Diamond, Philip L., Allison P., M.R., Lauren P., Miranda, & Kelsie L. for digging these up.

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Top 12 Cakes To Bring To Your Family Reunion

The Top 12 Cakes to Bring To Your Family Reunion:

(Assuming your family has an excellent sense of humor.)

(Or you just don't like them.)

With this many grammar errors, you can always blame it on your younger cousins.

Make sure you insist everyone sing to him, too.

Works best if your last name is Trumpet. Or if you have a bunch of sentient squabbling horns around.

(No, I don't know the back story. Feel free to imagine your own.)

And this one works best if you there are either a bunch of teenage girls in your family, or none at all.

Just like there's no place like the back seat for carrying home an ROUS and a giant ... log?

("Anybody want a peanut?")

I *think* this was supposed to say "Lordy Lordy, look who's forty." I like the vaguely ominous portent-of-death vibe, though. And, hey, conversation starter!

Because a little honesty can go a long way... towards getting everyone to leave early so you can go back to playing LEGO: Harry Potter.

Mom always said to be positive. Or possibly "possitive."

Serve with copious amounts of alcohol. Then:

... set this one out while no one's looking, sit back, and watch the accusations fly.

This is another one I don't have a back story on, but I like to imagine it was ordered by that Debbie Downer relative who's always going on about "kids these days" and how "we'll all belong to China in a few more years - just you watch."

Also, yes, that relative might be me. WHAT.

And finally:

SO CLOSE to "family ruin," and yet ... so far. Drat. 

WAY TO GET MY HOPES UP, BAKERS.

Hey Shelly G., Krissy M., Amy S., Lisa C., Judi D., Laura B., Lisa V., Nicole S., Susan S., MJ, Vanessa S., & Laura S., I think I speak for us all when I say, "what's that supposed to mean??"

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot: