My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Basket Case

John here with a wrecky collage of cakes which are “near and dear” to my heart: sports cakes.

I like to think one of the reasons Jen was first attracted to me (besides my devastating, Kiefer-Sutherland-before-he-got-too-skinny-on-24 good looks*, of course) is my natural affinity for sports. Sure, I don't like to watch them much, or talk about them, or really play any, but I am way more knowledgeable on the subject than Jen is. (Granted, Jen thinks 4D chess deserves its own Olympic category, so that's not saying much, but still...)

Anyway, I've been asked to shed a little testosterone-fueled light on some of these here basketball cakes. Here goes.

The first thing to know is that the ball is round. Like so:

(In the decorator's defense, it is really hard to make a round cake. It’s not like they make pans for that kind of thing.)

This baker solved the round problem with a classic "spinning rug of poo on a bed of scrapple" approach:

Then again, maybe it's not spinning so much as it is sprouting ear hair... which raises a bunch of other questions I won't get into right now.

(Oh, and this is probably a good place to mention that it’s never a good idea to change tips and/or Wreckerators mid-cake. Nobody likes mismatched balls.)

Next we have the ever popular basketball-flower-with-an-obligatory-face cake:

What’s with all the faces on balls anyway? Is there a rule that says that all round objects on a cake have to be looking at you?

And if so, what kind of occasion calls for a nauseous basketball, anyway?

"Ug, I think I'm about to dribble, if you catch my drift..."

At least this last one looks happy, if a bit demented.

Aaaand we’ve come full circle with the round thing again. Given that they're both dreaded CCCs *ptooie* , that's not much of a surprise.

So in conclusion, sports are an inspiring blah blah blah full of life lessons blah blah blah, funny joke that showcases my wit and charm... blah blah.

Jessica S., Hallie S., Tara M., Erin K., and Ann Marie W., try to contain yourselves, please; I'm happily married**.

- Related Wreckage: Have a Ball!

* Jen wrote that, not me. (I would have gone with a Matt Damon/Brad Pitt mash-up.)

**And by "happily" I mean "ecstatically overjoyed with every passing day" - er, did I get that right, Sweetie?

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Reader Comments (81)

For the "nauseous" ball, I didn't see the tongue and thought the black triangle was his mouth. Which gives him a look as if he's in the locker room while Shaq is changing.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBillDarryl

Googly eyes on a demented basketball... that's... bizarre.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBilby P. Dalgyte

If you look past the nauseous face on the sick cake, that's actually quite a good basketball. I know it's not the most difficult thing in the world to make, but given some of these other attempts, credit should be given where credit is due.


July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think the first one was originally intended for the hysterectomy cakes you featured recently.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGhoul Friday

Why do people say you can't make round cakes, or that they're too hard? I do them all the time, no special pan needed, and no, I don't use the Wilton ball pans either. I use moms good old caserole's from the 50' & 60's. These cakes are just so, so bad.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEvelyn

heeh-heeh, you said mismatched balls

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I clicked the scrapple link. Dude. Thanks for ruining my breakfast.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersarah k.

Wow, those are awful. Although for the sick-looking one, at least it's round and kind of cute... though I don't get the white border with sprinkles or whatever on it.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

LoLz...those facial expressions are "basket case" to be sure...

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBelle Epoque

That last one looks like the offspring of a basketball and a football!!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWide Awake Wife

Life cannot be boring with you too John! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! It's 3.45 pm here in Brussels, Belgium, and I've been hitting the refresh button for the last half hour waiting for my daily bit of laugh! Yet again you have not disappointed me!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAna


I think even a sports-hatin' lounge lizard like me could make better basketball cakes than that!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

John, you're an awesome stunt double. Great post. And who doesn't love Kiefer Sutherland?

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

Hahah... Scrapple. You just gave me horrible memories of my childhood. My grandma fried that crap up for breakfast like some sort of delicacy, as you couldn't buy it in Ohio -- like, "ooooh, look what we brought back from PA!!"

I would have rather had the case of Tastycakes. LOL

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMel

The fourth cake looks like something you'd get for a team that's locked in a bottom-of-the-chart ranking.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergamingkitty

That happy demented one reminds me of Herman from the Munsters.

Nice post!

Angie (from over at

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

The little black swishy marks on that one basketball look like mole claws.

wv: crerl (v.) : What it appears that one face-d basketball is about to do. "Oh no, I think I'm gonna crerl! *hurkk*"

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMuninn

yeah! i am the first comment?!?! that never happens to me!

i have never seen faces on the basketballs before!

have a great day!


July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucia

I actually kind of liked the "dribbling" cake.

Loved your conclusion.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPam

If there's nothing I hate more, it's mis-matched balls ;)

At least they're not blue...

Just sayin', is all.

My mother would be so disappointed in me. If she new what any of that innuendo meant.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGilsner

And the best part of picture #1 is that there is a round cake right next to it that was obviously made using one of those hard to find round pans.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

"(In the decorator's defense, it is really hard to make a round cake. It’s not like they make pans for that kind of thing.)"

--HILARIOUS! Thanks for my morning chuckle...these all had me going, esp. the nauseated basketball.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

Way funny. "Mismatched balls." That had me rollin'.

Thanks Jen's happily married Pitamon (pitt/damon) husband!

Do the two of you ever have "who's the wittiest of them all?" matches? I mean hands down Jen is gonna win, Every time. But still.

Just sayin'.
Wreck On!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCALpumper

Perhaps the nauseous basketball could be used by someone that was upset that their team lost.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

Will someone please explain the concept of the dreaded CCC to me? They're weird, they're ugly and they involve WAY too much frosting in a (failed) attempt to make them look like a single cohesive unit.

If I'm of a mind to make cupcakes, I at least respect their individuality by decorating them separately.

And if I'm of a mind to create something that doesn't look like Craft Day at the Asylum, I go with an actual cake.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Luxuries

I actually like the flower cake. It has a lot of balls.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstudiorose

I think the first one looks more like a mangled ice cream cone.

BTW, I'm not Dutch, but the daughter of a man with a gift(?) for nicknaming people. (Tinkerbell, Peanut, Frigglesnitz; which one would you pick?)

WV- Yersess- The large bodies of water that you own, or your assessment of a situation, depending on pronuncation.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterfrigglesnitz

Pure hilariousness.

Thanks for the laughs each morning!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeanna

I love the faces on the basketballs -- they take the wrecks to a new level

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commentervegetable music

HAHAHA!The link is Hilarious! As is the demented cake. Oh Jen, you will get there some day when it comes to sports knowledge... Maybe start with Tennis?

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think the one with ear hair is aspiring to be a golden snitch.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStraw

Are CCC's really that popular? I have never seen one in real life...
My theory: CCCs are probably like 10% of the total cake population, but since they are almost all wrecks they make up a disproportionate 60% of all cakewrecks.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think it is wonderful that John "guest comments and posts" on Jen's site. Each morning I can't wait to privately have a great laugh at others expense! Keep up the great work!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Where you being sarcastic about round baking pans? I see them all the time in publix. These cakes for some reason aren't the most appetizing in appearance.
But I give them credit for effort and an otherwise nice variety of display and information. Thanks.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwristbands

Those are possibly the two worst CCCs I've ever seen.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdeckardcanine

Real basketballs get bumpy like that when they are over inflated...I use to have one growing up and when I bounced it on its bump it went a whole nother direction.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFor the Love of French

The last one looks more like a rugby ball than a basketball.

Oh and @ Evelyn regarding the difficulty of making a round cake...
(sigh!)just try to stay with us honey. Can I get you a glass of water? Maybe if you just sit down for abit....

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

dear jen's hubby:
oops, sorry about the profanity in my (previous) comment

didn't notice the "no profanity" clause at first

it may be hard for me to avoid using profanity when my good judgement and self-editing skills are compromised by (your) incredible hilarity

gosh-darn-it-all, i may never be able to comment again

of course you could always allow a little good-natured profanity (mine) slip through every once in a while!

great blog! i like it a lot

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterredpencil

Note to self: Do not look at horrible bright un-round basketballs while under the influence of a migraine.

Holey moley.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterchelle

LOL. "To start off, the ball is round." I guess we're supposed to use our [spongebob]imaaaaaaginaaaation[/spongebob].
*rolls eyes*

I sort of like the happy basketball. *g* The nauseated basketball...not sure I'd actually want to EAT it. Is it for a team who got spanked? "Dude, we lost 15 to 105. Here's our cake."

And hey, I liked Kiefer before he was skinny! =D

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa (& Billy)

The "ear Hair" one looks like it's trying to be a spider on a Hallowe'en cake!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSuzanne Dargie

The first cake is a CCC, hence its complete failure to be round. I think you can have a round circle or you can have cupcakes in formation, but you cannot have both.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAli

That first cake looks like my flabby stomach when I'm wearing my mesh undies...TMI???

@Mel: Thanks, now I'm craving (kraving?) Krimpets and Kandy Kakes and Texas is about 1000 miles from the nearest retailer of such Kwality Komestibles :(

wv: aphantra-Pass the aphantra, these cakes are giving me a headache!

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristina

No references to Charlie Brown's head?

My husband regularly sends me the links to these; I loved the hockey summary as well.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

The first one looks more like underwear. Apparently I'm not the only one to think this.

I've yet to actually see a cupcake cake, too, in person. I'm sure it will be worth waiting for in its pure wreckiness.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJael

I featured a polymer clay artist on my blog and I have been encouraging to get into cake decorating. I think she would work good with fondant and marzipan. :)

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertwinklescrapbooks

So many mentions of balls, so few double entendres. Well done. I wouldn't be able to do it.

On another note, I think that because John posts as "John (husband of Jen)", Jen should start posting as "Jen (wife of John)." That way she'll sound all biblical and stuff.

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Occasion for nauseous cake?
"Congradulations on your pregnancy!!!!"

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGAMZu

You two really crack me up and make my day! Seriously, these cakes wouldn't be so funny without your great posts about them. Okay, maybe they'd still be funny, but you get what I'm saying! ;)

July 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatrina

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