My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Phonics Phailures

When "sounding it out" goes horribly, hilariously wrong.

"Good By Kathleen."

As opposed to 'Bad by Wreckerator,' I guess.

"Don't Techno For An Answer"

Especially when Polka is much more effective.

Aw, they always were joined at the hip.

"Ay, lass, nao A'm off to tend me wee bairns!"

(Don't worry; I have no idea what I just wrote, either.)

Hey, just for fun, try adding in a bad connection to your Phonics phone order. Why, you never know WHAT you might get!

Can you guess what the order was?

[humming Jeopardy theme]

Give up?

It was supposed to read, "Goodbye, farewell, now get out!"

And finally, a Wreck that pays tribute to my very own Sunshine State:

"Fair Wiell Dan
In Joy Florida!"

Huh. I think I knew a girl named Joy Florida once.

[clearing throat] Um. Not that that has anything to do with this cake, of course. Heh. Aheh. Yeeeah.

[checking watch]


What do you say we get to the credits now?

Thanks, Fernando, Dori K., Wayne H., Todd K., Tammy B., & Judith B.. That almost got awkward there.

Also, you guys ever notice that the name Phonics is super ironic? You know, since you can't actually sound out the word for sounding out words? Just curious.

« The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman Head | Main | The Men of Marvel »

Reader Comments (70)

not only can I not figure out why you don't techno for an answer (Maybe I"m being dense), but why does that cake have crayon candles on it? Inquiring minds.....

...should probably learn it's best not to ask.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

I don't know. I think "Don't techno for an answer" is pretty good advice.

Good bay.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermimi

Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, "Don't techno for an answer" comes along. Best wreck ever!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJenny Mitchell

You don't know what you just said? Well I do (after all, this frog learned to speak Enlish by watching Buffy and by having a Scotish Nanny).
"Ay, lass, nao A'm off to tend me wee bairns" would roughly translate to:
"Yes girl, now I'm off to ake caire of my small cubs (or my little ones; it depends whether you mean animals or kids). ;P

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCostumeholic

"hoo-ked on for ME!" - Brian Regan.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered

"Don't Techno" sounds like it might be a similar accent as "Under Neat".

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

Perhaps "don't techno for an answer" was supposed to be "Don't take 'no' for an answer"? Or else it was just someone (like me) who really doesn't like that type of music!!

As for the rest... oy gevalt!!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

I think the person who ordered "Don't Techno" is the same one who ordered "Under Neat". They need to start writing things out instead of calling it in. :)

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

The last one kills me: "Fair well"? "In joy"? REALLY?

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlbatross

I am sooo glad you provided translations. One would never no nohow what the H*** they were saying. Norine

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think that possibly there may be a need to have non-native speakers who get bakery jobs pass certain tests before they are allowed to do the writing part of cake decorating...... But that's probably just because I teach ESL.
However, if someone actually added the correct comma to the direct address (which almost never appears on even your Sunday Sweets cakes, I might add, making them still technically wrong), that one cake is still pleasant: "Good Look, Eileen" could be used to tell her that her new hairstyle is a winner. Okay, well, I'm stretching it here, but it is better than some of those others.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA Paperback Writer

I actually have the album "Don't Techno for an Answer". It's a techno compilation album (actually, it's a series).

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjillian

lol love to see people write in a scottish accent but as for you not a knowin what ye sayd lass Ah can nah believe dat. Keep em' comin. (YES I did spell that all how it sounded when I said it feel free to laugh)

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKitty

Drumnate, I think you may be on to something.... I had no clue and after thinking about it, it probably was meant to say, "Don't take NO..." rather than, "Don't techno..."

This and the Florida cakes, I think, are todays weiners.. I mean wynters.. I mean winners..

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSandy C/So Fla

Perhaps Dan's cake was a message from the well driller putting in his sprinkler system:

Fair Well (not a good well, but a fair one)

In Joy Florida (a suburb of Celebration FL, perhaps)

On the other hand, some of these have such bad handwriting that you can't expect decent spelling.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Fair, well Dan in Joy Florida??? I think that belongs with the previous day's "naughty wrecks" :)

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

You know, I've played a lot of Mad Gab, but that "Good Bay Sher Well Know Getout" blew my mind. (And is it just me, or does the 'G' look like the type of 6 you see on a digital clock?)

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Somehow, I am reminded of those old "hooked on phonics works for me!" commercials...these Wreckers obviously never took those courses. --.--"

-French Bean

It amazes me that you've had this website up for so long, yet there are still so many cakes wrecked every day! There should be a public service announcement along the lines of the old "The More You Know" ones...

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Don't Techno for an Answer" must be the motto of several of the tech help lines I've called.

WV: kunplayi, as in "Someone's singing, Lord, kun-pla-yi."

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGary

All I can do is laugh. In Joy Florida. Bwahahaha!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterChrissy

Too bad about Wayneengreg because the handwriting is pretty.

I think "Don't techno for an answer" might be my new favorite wreck, since I enjoy quite a bit of techno music.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBree

Anyone watching Bonnie Hunt? Cakewrecks was just mentioned. woopwoop!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Anyone notice the wrist bracelet on techno cake? Between the crayons, and the bracelet, maybe prison bakery?

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Ay, lass, nao A'm off to tend me wee bairns!"

Scottish translation; Yes young lady, now I am going to take care of my little children. (I learned this from Star Trek actually))

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Wow - really? Were the decorators still hung over from the night before?
King of reminds me of when you try to read English that was translated from a Chinese.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStevens Family

ROFL!! SO glad my cuppa was done today.

oh -- and what's wrong with sounding out pahonixs? Just wondrin.

Egads.. I canna do it. That last line just killed me.


July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Techno for an answer" . That is the best. EVER.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGina

That life's a faught there is nae doubt,
A steep and slipp'ry brae,
And wisdom's sel', wi' a' its rules,
Will aften find it sae.
The truest heart that e'er was made
May find a deadly fae.
And broken aiths and faithless vows
Gi'e lovers mickle wae.

When poortith looks wi' sour disdain,
It frights a body sair,
And gars them think they ne'er will meet
Delight or pleasure mair.
But though the heart be e'er sae sad,
And prest wi' joyless care,
Hope lightly steps in at the last,
To fley awa' despair.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's the MAD GAB "sweets" version! "Ice Mail Ask Hunk" I love this game, and coming soon, gluten-free & low-fat versions.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

In joyed today's cakes. Phonics is our friend, but so is spelling things out that you want on a cake!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterknitorpurl

As a woman named Kathleen, I can tell you that the first cake was sent from the future, and it celebrates a book I'm going to write, titled "Good". A little punctuation may have made this more obvious.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

It's a darn shame that these are sooo wrecky--Waynengreg's cake looks delicious!

I think whoever did the "goodbye 'farewell'/get out" cake did so because they wanted all of that ganache and strawberry goodness for themselves. OM NOM NOM

And I'm shocked--shocked, I tell you!--that someone spelled Eileen right. But the cake...well, as that great philosopher, Maxwell Smart would say--"Missed it by THAT much!" XD

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

haha I wish the "techno" cake was a little more colorful.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

I think I'm most disturbed by the fact that the last one seem to have two bright red bell peppers on the side...

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

As I'm looking at the site, and actress named Busy on The Bonnie Hunt Show mentioned it. You're famous!

As a first grade teacher, I translate these too well :)


July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Actually, children learn that "ph" together makes the "f" sound from a very early age now, so it would be appropriate to expect them to be able to sound out the word "phonics"!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterliz

Sometimes you can't Techno for an answer 'cuz ther line is always bizy!
Yup, that was intentional....

But I still have to worry about the garbage truck seen in Pennsylvania that claimed to do "Municiple" waste removal. In big bold letters!!loach

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Epic-ly, awesomely, dreadfully bad. Honestly, does becoming a cake decorator require checking one's brain at the door??

aka" rel="nofollow">Baker-Writer Extraordinaire

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterErin Kelly

Silly peeps, while your Scots is otherwise commendable, us Brits know that the Good Look cake is clearly from Yorkshire. So really it's "Ey up, lass, A'm aff t' see m' wee chooks."

As for the Good bay, Sher well cake...mind blown. Even more so now I've noticed the peppers.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLottie

I can't hear (even in my head!) a Scottish accent now without thinking of David Tennant, Dr. Who # 10. {sigh} Thank you, Eileen, whoever you are, for having an occasion to have a Wreck created so I could think of David Tennant.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdharmamama

Hooked on phonics worked for me

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"Don't techno for an answer" sounds like something you'd see on a t-shirt at Hot Topic or something.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTyree

And the Waynengreg cake looks so tasty, too. T'is a pity it's illiterate.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKae

In the Goodbye, Farewell, Now Get out cake those strawberries are glazed to within an inch of their life. At first glance I was wondering why the hell they put red peppers on the cake!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKalee

this post reminds me of an old Phonics joke...

the one where a kid is overheard at a zoo yelling,

"Look mom! A Freakin' Elephant!"
(the sign reads: African Elephant)

yeah... maybe those bakers should go back to 1st grade ;)

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

Don't TAKE No for an Answer.

I knew the comments section would clear up my confusion.

I couldn't get it.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Connealy

Can we get "Don't Techno for an Answer" on a shirt? With strobes and/or glowsticks? That would be seriously awesome.

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPenelope

On a side long as you're pointing out the irony of not being able to sound out the word phonics, ever wonder why abbreviation is so long?

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDiane B.

It's just like MadGab, my favorite game! I called mt husband in so we could play. When you say them out loud it all starts to make sense.

I think Cakewrecks and MadGab should put out a special cakey edition!

July 13, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDana Lynn

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>