My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

May the 4th Be With You...

...or at least with this cake:

"Sad of September" sends his regards.

Ask not what your country can do for you... [eyebrow waggle]

Not ok, man. Not ok.

Of course, some bakers don't need words to show their true colors:

Ah, the good ol' red, blue, white, and black.

No, wait. I can't do it. I can't just move on to the next cake. I tried - I really did - but I just can't. I'm afraid this calls for a Jen Rant. Sorry.

Here goes.


Seriously, Wreckerator? SERIOUSLY? This is what you're calling an "American flag," to be sold here IN America, and for America's birthday, no less? I mean, really? Red and BLUE stripes? Black stars? REALLY? Have you no shame? No patriotic pride? No...


Um. What is that?

Ok. Never mind. This is worse.

Now, what do you say we go out with a bang?

Theeeere it is.

Amber E., Carol S., Sarah C., Christina P., Robert I., Hillary H., & Jennifer, I don't know about you, but my confidence in these wreckerators seems to be flagging.

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Reader Comments (109)

I am aghasted at those poor cupcake cake flags! Are we sure that those were truly made in the US? They make those Canada cakes from yesterday look pretty darn good!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

Are you really sure the next to the last one is supposed to be a flag? Really? are you SURE?! Frak. That's just beyond pathetic.

The last one though. WOO! Look it's a giant, um, piece of manhood! Yeah, that's the ticket. and I'll bet it goes off with a bang!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

Well, we know that those wreckerators are NOT proud to be Americans

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm sorry, the last one reminded me of the night I lost my, ahem, well, YOU KNOW.
PS. Thank you for the Canada Day salute. It was most entertaining.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStella

I have to admit, I didn't even notice the colors were incorrect, so horrified was I by the bloated "stripes."

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

“Scuse me decorator, um, may I have a word? Yes. See here, in this dictionary? Yes, the word ‘bang.’ THIS is the definition we were thinking of for the flotsam word-pick cupcake. NOT the one listed here, under ‘vulgar.’ Okay? Okay. Now please redecorate all of those cupcakes with the word ‘flash’ on them. Thank you.”


WV: dicla. Oh, I am SO not going there.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTigerwolf

Because I always think of phallic geysers when I think of the 4th.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

If you can't even get the color scheme correct, then I'd settle for the flotsam Plastic Flag.

Sharon's Edible Art

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Definitely proud to be an Amerikan after seeing those.

*eye roll*

Wonder if I can dualize my citizenship between Canada and Amerika. Their flag cakes are the best.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDD

In defense of the birthday cake, it's typical in Latin cultures for families to name daughters 'America'. The best example is the actress from "Ugly Betty".

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, I am, like, aghast. No, not even like, I am truly aghast.

Happy of July?
Stars and STRIPS???

Just wondering what is underneath that slabflag - a chocolate underbelly cake?

I'm not even discussing the 'bang' cuppiecakes. Or the 'other' ones.


wv - graci --- we need a lotta graci this weekend, if these are the cakes presented for our celebration.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Really, who doesn't like to celebrate Independence Day with a exploding patriotic phallus?

Happy 4th!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Luxuries

I was going to say the same about the birthday cake. It may have been someone's name. The rest of these are pathetic though. Not only do the people who made them deserve a slap up the side of the head, but I think a bigger slap should be reserved for the people who actually BUY them! Great your site.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMisty

I'm just hoping that "Amerika" is a person and not the country. Maybe her birthday is July 4th. Maybe her parents are REALLY proud citizens, but got tired of decorating all her birthdays in patriotic bunting, and so ordered this fireworks cake instead.
I hope.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSylph

What's sad is that the cupcakes behind the "bang" one are actually well done (the sundae ones look yummy!).
As for the rest, I'm right with you on the ranting. They are an embarrassment. *shudders* Please tell me you've got some extra-good patriotic Sweets lined up for Sunday! :)

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I dont' get the "Sad of September" reference?

can anyone explain?

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentersevenmarie

I have to agree...the Happy Birthday Amerika one could have been a birthday cake for a person named Amerika. It's actually not all that uncommon, particularly for a person born around the 4th of July to have a 'patriotic' name (thus the sparkler 'candles').

The others tho...seriously?!?!?

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Geez, you would think the American flag would be the ONE thing you could actually pull off with a CCC. I mean it's just a square and some sripes put together into a rectangle. I guess i should have never doubted the ability of that to be wrecked.

So, I'm thinking that the "Happy Birthday Amerika" cake could easily have been a birthday cake for somebody named Amerika. I'm at least seriously hoping that it is. Amerika would be a cute alternate spelling to be used as a name, anyway.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I think those are cat food stars on the red and blue plank cake.
Just sayin...


July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have a feeling some of these wreckerators have never seen an American flag before. But then again, we've seen what can happen when you bring in a reference photo....

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLesley

You know thos flags look more like a CSA Stars and Bars then they look like flags of the United States Zof America!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsolder74

Maybe the flag cakes were imported from China. I saw the other day that some American flags imported from China were being sold at dollar stores. They had 60-plus stars on them.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShauna

I may actually be the first one to comment on this (woohoo - can I get a fist bump?):

Are those SPARKLERS on the "Amerika" birthday cake?!?! If that IS for someone's birthday, it should come with a warning label to duck and cover when they light the, ah, "candles."

WV - jewra: I hope the birthday girl isn't wearing any plastic jewra when she blows out those candles.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarcy W.

I actually know an "Amerika" - however, if what I think I see are in fact sparklers in the corners of that cake then I can certainly believe that it's a true 7/4 wreck

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm thinking the Amerika person must be from Scandinavia. Thats how we spell it over here at least. Although we do know it is the flag has Red and White stripes with White Stars on a Blue backround. :)

Love you blog!!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterValerie

That one cake reminds me of a song, "The Red, The White, The Black, The Blue". By Hope of the States.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterOliver

And the wreckness continues!!! Happy Birthday America!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

Sevenmarie - it's 'cos the cake says 'Happy of July' - c'mon, keep up!!

That last one is ribbed for your pleasure........

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Even small children know what colors go where on a flag.(Okay, there is usually one or two that color in the starts yellow for some reason, but sometimes they get confused because there aren't any white markers.)

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFanboy Wife

@sevenmarie: The post cake said Happy of July... should have been Happy [Fourth] of July. The parallel constructionn was made with "Sad {missing noun] of September."

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkayk

...i have no words for how terrible those "flags" are. omg sooooo ridiculous!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterstella

I'll be honest and say that I had to look up a picture of the flag to remind myself what it's supposed to look like...

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

What the ()*@%(*& is the "bang" made of? Is that all icing?

And hey, I don't know if you know this, but that Amerika cake is actually supposed to be the dome thingy at Epcot. You know, the one at the entrance? You can tell by the font. ;)

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

The black stars were indeed bad (It's not like they didn't have the right colors! They're caught red-I-mean-blue handed there) but for some reason I was much more disturbed by the Fat Finger Stripes of the rest of the flag! I felt like it was going to strangle me...or maybe those black stars

For some reason the first one made me laugh more than anything on here in a long time. It's so simply silly :D

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

Sitting here checking out the comments and the WV is too good to pass up:


My first thought as a Southerner was that is a command to be seated.

However, I can also see it as a prescription medication:

"Situall - for all of life's 'situations'." *ahem*

I think all of these Wreckerators were zoned out on Situall when they made these cakes... especially the last one. XP

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKarasu Hinoeuma

What do you suppose "Happy of July" said BEFORE they wiped it off?

I might comment that these were made by Canadians, but I was in Candada one year on July 4 and the Chateau Lake Louise made a huge (and lovely) sheet cake for all the Amerikans.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

I wonder if the Amerika cake is supposed to be as offensive as it could be perceived/interpreted. Read Kafka's book, Amerika, the really nasty perception Communist Russia had of the US in the 1950's. But then, the cake wreckorator may not be old or literate enough to have that frame of reference, etc, etc. (snarky implications intended). But if they did, it's quite a slap.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

In Amerika, cake wrecks YOU!

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterladyrazorsharp

I was really holding it together until the last one.

Dear god what is that... thing?

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

What on the planet is wrong with these people? Perhaps these cakes were all made my terrorists trying to subvert the greatest American holiday.

The Amerika cake may have been a birthday cake for someone by that name, but would they use sparklers as candles then? I think not. These are all examples of why I have decided that my future celebrations, even those for my future children, will involve pizza with candles in it. No words, no frosting, no wrecks :)

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMM

I rather like the "bang" cupcake. In its own mutilated way, it has a bit of charm.
My favorite, though, is the "stars and strips forever." Oh, yeah. Bring on the Chippendales in red, white, and blue bowties! Mmmmm.....

Word verification: logglace
That sounds like a wreck waiting to happen. Perhaps a yule log on a doily......

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA Paperback Writer

Frankly, that last firecracker cake (or is it a sparkler? Most men, I bet, would love to call it a 'sparkler'!) is no more phallic than the rest of the cakes here..glad to see your country's symbols get butchered just as much as mine (Canada)

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermizdarlin

Every time I see the letter "k" take place of the letter "c," I always think of krab vs crab.

Seriously, these cakes are really pathetic.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

That's a pretty big bang. And flesh-toned too.

WV: remed... um...

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermimi

Very not PG comment but...umm...yeah. The last one looks like a condom designed by a drag queen put to icing.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

Maybe decorator is a fan of Kafka and was just making an editorial comment? OK, not.

This posting has inspired me to listen to 'America' from West Side Story while I read the comments.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

"Amerika" is how you spell America in German (haven't y'all heard the Ramstein song? So maybe the cake was made by a foreigner with an excess of good will towards those of us in the States.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTamara Marnell

When I read - "chocolate underbelly cake?" I almost shot hot coffee out of my nose.
Thanks, Di.

Yet it does appear to be chocolate cake under the slab flag.

July 2, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxzr

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