My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

You Talkin' To Me?

Remember, bakers: It's never polite to ask a lady her age.

Writing it out on her birthday cake is perfectly ok, though.

(Also be sure to emphasize the "Old Woman" part; seniors LOVE that.)

Oh what a difference a missing "t" can make:

And you thought that high school nickname would never catch up to you.

Don't worry, Julie; I'm sure the baker just had a "wisp!"

I've been short for as long as I can remember, so I can say with some authority that this is why you should always order the *regular size* birthday cake:

Also, according to a t-shirt I saw once we're not "mini," we're "fun-size." So there.

When celebrating a lucky couple's recent engagement, it helps to say something complimentary:

And also to remember that "monkey" and "lucky" sound exactly the same in Wreckerator.

According to a recent survey,* "Pop-Pop" is the number one nickname for adorable grandfathers. (Awww.)

Guess what number two is?

Thanks to Cindy J., Erica L. & Erin P., Julie W., Gary L., Joann B., & Koby, who are talking to me, and actually do find me amusing. So that's seven.

* Which I just made up.

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Reader Comments (74)

I would LOVE to get a cake that said "Jewie" on it. That would make me so happy.
However, can I be annoying for a second? Lisps are technically only difficulty with sibilants (such as /s/ or "sh").
/l/ turning into /w/ would be gliding of a liquid.
There, the speech therapist part of me will go back inside, and I'll not be THAT annoying person again.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Boob Nazi

I love that the 2nd cake recipient only received one congratulation. Got to spread the love.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

I'm trying very hard to come up with a scenario where 'fast-rack' is a valid high school nick name... and failing. lol

Also.. why only one congratulation? With a nickname like that you would think there would at least be two...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEvalis

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEWIE????!?!?!?11111!!!??? Oh, my gee-hyphen-dee! Let's hope Julie wasn't Jewish...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The dice one may have been going for "a real money couple", as in the movie Swingers, as in you're so money. Still wrecky, but maybe not quite as bad as lucky >> monkey.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLizzy

Guess what number two is, indeed. Nice double entendre :)

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMs. Blasé

That last one makes me fearful of what's under the icing.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commentergscistudent

Made me laugh-thanks I needed it XD

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I just laughed out loud at the "guess what number two is" joke. My coworkers think I'm crazy...and maybe I am.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

Why don't the dice show a lucky 7?

And, oh, did my son *love* the Poop-Poop cake! He wants to call his grandfather right now! (who, thankfully, has a sense of humor)

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDharmamama

I was chuckling while reading this post.... until I got to the "Jewie, " and then I was laughing. Especially at the last one. My brothers, sister and I called our grandfather Pap-Pap. I tried picturing his face and calling him Poop-Poop and it made me laugh out loud. And those who are cube dwellers know others around you all want to know what's so funny!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSandy C also in SoFla

This is the first time I have commented on this blog, I have been creeping and reading it for months now...I literally almost spit water all over my work computer when I read "Happy Birthday Poop-Poop"

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHillary

POOP POOP!! ha ha ha ha... # 2! ha ha ha ha... I'm HOWLING laughing over here at that one!!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Am I the only one who saw the second cake as saying "Congratidation"?

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

The question is, did the Jewie wrecker follow Sandra Lee's tips for making a kosher cake?

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzombiekim

Maybe the wreckerator on that last cake was just letting out his/her inner "Austin Powers"... (WHO DOES NUMBER TWO WORK FOR!!!!!).

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who burst out laughing at Poop-Poop. I was questioning my maturity level! :)

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I have a cousin named Velvie and seriously thought that was what the Jewie cake said. I wondered for a minute what was wrong with it.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Maybe cake 2's decorator (who wrote "Congratulation," singular, BTW) is a fan of" rel="nofollow">On the Fastrack.

And maybe cake 3 is for someone with a last name like Jewett or Jewison.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

...say are those OREOS?

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStella

I actually have a friend whos name is Mini, so that wouldn't be so wreckish here.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOriginal_Acrobat

I thought the same as Lizzy, that the monkey couple was supposed to be "money" - but then the pips on the dice bothered me (opposite sides add up to 7) and they aren't even a lucky roll!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterManna

Not only is he called poop poop, but it looks like it's written in blood. Such a mess I feel quite certain I couldn't eat it. And that would bum me out more than the misspelling of pop pop.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

Took me a minute on the monkey couple cake, because I was too distracted by those dice. Apparently, the decorator doesn't know that the opposite faces always add up to 7, so you'd never see the 1 and 6 both at the same time.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeccy

Also, nitpicking here, but the dice are wrong on the monkey cake. The 1 is always opposite the 6, and the 3 is opposite the 4. So dice can't look the way they're pictured on the cake -- the dots are on the wrong sides. :)

wv trizeu -- the wreckerator trizeu get dice right, but misses the mark.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCat

Jen - remember, once you reach a "certain age", a good "poop-poop" IS a "happy birthday"!

WV: "herbros" - one of the names originally considered by Cheech & Chong...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPretzelogic in Philly PA

Jewie? Fast rack? Number two?
Snort inducing post.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

You guys are so funny! I love your way with words and puns. I've never commented before, but I've been following you every weekday for a year or more. Thanks for all the fun stuff!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJan

Wow, Fast Rack sounds like a floozy. She must have been on the fast track to Vegas. Or maybe she was just an early bloomer.

Julie's cake sounds a little anti-Semitic. insult cake scores again!

Maybe Mini's cake is the opposite of Fast Racks. Maybe she's just an A-cup and being teased.

Now, the monkey couple seems to have a gambling problem. Are we back in Vegas again? did they win each other in a bet at the zoo?

Poop Poop! that sounds like the kind of luck my dad would have getting his arm tattooed! toilet training grandchildren are so cruel. so are wreckerators where English is their second language.

(now I'm wondering if there's a blog about tattoo wrecks.)

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I hope Joan beat that wreckerator with her cane. Or walker. Or umbrella. Or fists. Whatever was available.

@Evalis, the only scenario I could come up has to do with going from a B to DD overnight involving tissues. In that case it should be 'TP Fast rack'!

@Carrie, I saw that too, but there is a 'u', the 't' has a fancy swirly line (~) with either a touch of extra icing or a blue sprinkle landed in just the right spot.

Oh no! Elmer Fudd is decorating cakes!!! Poor Jewie, that wascawy bewthday guwel!

There is no regular size. Everybody is fun-size! X-D

"Uncle" and "couple" could sound the same in wreckerator too! ;-)

If "Pop" is "Poop"...I'm imagining Dr. Seuss' book Hop on Poop, or drinking soda poop, "I'm gonna poop you in the nose!", hip-poop music, Michael Jackson: the King of Poop, eating the candy Poop Rocks or having Poop Tarts for breakfast....Maybe gramps should beat just that wreckerator too!

Hey! I'm talkin' to you too! I'm not the only one here! You can include me...that's 8 (at least I'm not number 2). :-D

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoo-E Loo-I

You know, "Minnie" is actually a popular nickname for "Epcot."

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGary

good gravy, are these cakes what minimum-wage gets you? Spelling aside, they're pretty sloppy cakes all around.

WV: euirpt. I hope that last cake doesn't euirpt all over the place!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMomcat

My name is Julie, and I'm Jewish. Now I'm kind of tempted to get a "Jewie" cake for my birthday.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterladycrim

Maybe Jewie's parents are hardcore Star War's fans. We will call her Jewie, since we can't call her Chewie. She would get picked on.

I wonder could the Fast Rack cake be for a Vice President on the FAST TRACK?

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

There is actually a gas station called FasTrack in California and a whole chain of gas stations called Fastrac in New York. So maybe the Fast rack wreckator just added an extra break to make it even more wrecktastic because let's face it, the cake is an eye sore without the text even being considered.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That last one might permanently turn me off eating cake. It is really unappetizing, between the unpleasant choice of colors and bleeding writing. For some reason, Poop-Poop doesn't bother me.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

The "Jewie" cake made me think of Pierce (Chevy Chase) on Community! Bwahahahahaha~!

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

I know some seniors who are quite comfortable with the idea of being old men and old women and don't like people to mince words about it, so maybe that's what's going on with the first cake. Still not sure I would be that blunt on a cake, though. Besides, what the "old woman" really wanted was the last cake, which is made with 100% bran flakes and prunes.

With the cake with dice on it, how do we know Mike and Joann AREN'T monkeys? I support equal marriage rights for all primates so, good luck Mike and Joann! I'm guessing it's going to be a Vegas wedding?

WV: foidif
With these cakes, please a foidif possible.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Those are just too funny. That last one would have made my whole family laugh though.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMary

I think I went to school with ole "Fastrack" herself.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

My kids and my sister's kids call my dad Poopaw. Which is even funnier because he's a waste water treatment engineer.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSara

So, if you call your grandfather poop-poop, what do you call your grandmother?


Then there's Uncle Belchie and Aunt Tootie.

I'm 56 years old -- why do you ask?


February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEllen

I hate Pop Pop, Paw Paw, Mee Maw, Maw Maw and any other Redneck sounding names. Of course, with the way people go through partners I guess they have to make up stuff to call all the "relatives". (Getting off my soapbox now).

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

number two...heh

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHawkfeather

Let me just say that I think you are HILARIOUS!! I love all the comments on the photos. I laugh daily!!!!


February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

The "monkey couple" is not only wrecked with words, but the dice aren't correct. The dots on a die should add up to 7 on opposite sides of said die. So the fact we can see the 6 and 1 on the first die and the 3 and 4 on the other die make them incorrect. Does this mean the couple is unlucky? Or lucky to have 2 dice that are incorrect making it a positive? Or something like that...

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMolly

You guys have been smokin' hot with the commentary. I swear I read your blog as much for the wit as for the wrecks. No pressure or anything going forward. Well, maybe a little. No, none. Seriously. None.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSoupAddict Karen

My niece used to call her gandfather Pop Pop, now he's Popsie Poo. That last cake would be hilarious for my family.

all i can say about the Monkey couple is maybe they are 100 Monkey fans so maybe just maybe they are a Monkey couple lol

Katie Stark

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I have to admit that "Happy Birthday Poop-Poop" cracked me up.

February 24, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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