My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

A Warm Welcome

There are so many ways you can welcome someone home.


You could do it "sincerely:"

You could do it musically:

You could add an extremely specific qualifier:

You could also rant about the bakery's poor spelling skills...

(Isn't it ironic? Don'cha think?)


...times "sevan":


Or - my personal favorite - you could leave a note on the counter for the travelers to find around 11pm after spending 9+ hours driving through tornado warnings and stopped holiday traffic and harrowing accident-filled highways on the way home from Dragon*Con. That way, they can stagger through the door, drop their many bags, and gaze with wonder and appreciation at your thoughtful missive:

So sleep tight, y'hear?


Thanks to Loretta, Tess S., Val D., Gini M., Lisa P., Courtney S., and to John's mother, Mum, without whom this post would not have been possible, since I might have been sleeping tonight instead of writing it. Must. Stay. Awake. [twitch] WHAT WAS THAT? DID YOU HEAR THAT? DID SOMETHING JUST BUZZ?!

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Reader Comments (54)

Best. Note. Ever.

(Why is there a 2 tailed stingray on the second cake?)

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Nice to know you both made it home safely. Apart from the wasp/hornet problem. They're attracted to cake, right? I mean, one appears to have plunged to its death on the right of the retuned cake, so maybe if you put some cake out for it....

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLoupie

not only do our military personel have to deal with guns and bombs, they have to deal with horrible cakes-oh the horror D:

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMINDY1

*tilts head*

I like the one-eyed smiley.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

And it's a 6 foot wasp or hornet. Did I mention that part?

Couldn't find the spray. Sweet dreams!

<3 GladOS

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRO

Exactly, a giant stingray has dive bombed into the Retuned cake.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLily

Glad you guys made it home safely through the crazy weather. Hope the hornet dies!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKristin E.

what is that gray THING on Tony's cake????

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjojo

I must be missing something, but what is particularly sincere about the first cake?

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

I think it's a toy soldier on Tony's cake. Despite the musical misspelling, I think the writing is kinda pretty.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCheri

Are the rest of y'all reading that as "Andrew The Three," or is it just me?

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Oh, a toy soldier from above...I wondered what that was.
Now, I didn't so much notice the mispelling (hey, its early for me!) in Kelly's cake as the error in the note explaining the cake! "I hope it taste better than it looks." Maybe the bakery was just following their instructions!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

It's "sincere" because of the "quotes".

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenternewbuffalomom

Why, please, does Tony's cake have the back half of a frog embedded in it? Can anyone explain it? It would not make me feel welcome one little bit.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStacie

I agree with Cheri. I really like the writing on Tony's cake. It's lovely! Too bad about the stingray/ toy soldier ... thing.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Sevan is the name of the bakery, not a misspelling of seven.

[Editor's note- We kinda figured. It just flowed well with the post and there was that whole "vellcom" thing. Btw, I took their web address our of your comment to protect the baker. -john (thoJ)]

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterbearer of bad news

174 lb is a wrestling weight division, isn't it? In which case, this wreck doesn't rate so wrecky.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHilary

Glad you guys are home safe and sound.
I agree with Cheri that it is a soldier on Tony's cake, but what I'm wondering about is the sprinkling of yellow around the edge. Is Tony specially trained in scent marking as a means of defence?

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

The Half Baked quote really made my day, so thanks for that ;)
Also, seriously what is that black squiggly "two tailed stingray" on the second cake?! It's so out of place...

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNinaBeans

How long do you reckon that "willcom Sevan" cake has been sitting in the display window? Years? Decades? Centu..nah, not THAT long!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

Have you seen the Dr.Who episode with the giant wasp? No? Ahh.....just don't upset the vicar and you'll be fine.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Oh wait ... it's a song too. Damn! I guess I'm just a stoner at heart :/

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNinaBeans

That's not a hornet; it's a Hopne Plus Slashwasp (as seen on TV). Perfectly harmless.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Maybe Tony was in the US Army Band? :-)

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJules

(graceful bow) My hornet/wasp and I thank you for our 15 minutes of fame.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJohn's Mum

thank you MIL. I almost peed my pants at the note.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpaula

if I squint and turn my head to the right slightly I can see that it's a toy soldier, but yes at first I did see a two tailed sting ray as well!!!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

As wrecky as these cakes are, it was the note that made me laugh out loud today. I've had to go back and read it 3 more time. :)

I'm really not seeing the gray blobby chunk on Tony's cake as a toy soldier . . . but I'll take the other commenters' word for it. Whatever it is, it's disturbing-looking in the picture!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLis

Truly a LOL from John's mum.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJanet B

My daughter just finished doing "Cabaret" with her theater camp (there's nothing more entertaining than 15 year old Nazi prostitutes strutting around in fishnets for 2 hours.) So the worried doll drowning in frosting "vellcom" cake seemed just right to me. If only that doll were wearing less, it would have been perfect for the cast party.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

SO...?! Did you find and/or kill the hornet/wasp? What are your cats good for if they can't track down one measly insect to protect your home while you're away? Where is John from that he has a Mum instead of a Mom? So many questions left unanswered...

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterM. Dale

#1 I wonder if the quotes caused Andrew the III to question whether he was really being welcomed home. And the wreckerator left the 'th' off the end.

#2 "Retune Home Safely". I know some groups that could use that message. Well, the 'retune' part, anyway. I was so digging the seal that I didn't notice the blooper at first.

#3 There might be a perfectly legitimate reason to write "174 lb. national qualifier" on a cake. The cake might have been a contest entry, for example. Then again, it might seem kind of ironic to some. Or it might be just a case of TMI. I laughed, anyway.

#4 PerFecTLy DemonStrates the TRagIc CoNTagiOUsness of Mixed CASE WrITinG. (Oh, and the contagion of letter-omission spelling errors.)

#5 Why pick on 'Sevan Bakery'? It's their name, after all. Don't believe me? Just go to this link (which I thoughtfully redacted to save John the time). Oh wait -- now I see it: 'Wellcom'. Good thing it wasn't a dangerous insect!

#6 This note does explain a few things (in a 'where did he get his sense of humor' sort of way). What's a 'hopnet'? <sarcasm>It wouldn't have bothered me -- I know I don't feel much like sleeping after a long drive, anyway.</sarcasm>

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

The best part of the note is the one-eyed smiley face! Gotta love the pirate smileys! Welcome home, Jen and John; and try not to get stung!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterOnlyAverageMom

@SuBee The only thing more entertaining than 15 year old Nazi prostitutes strutting around in fishnets is them mowing down zombies with AK-47s. Or just in cake form.

Odd choice for a theater camp, but then my friend's high school theater class did Rocky Horror Picture Show. Dr. Frank n' Furter stole the show, as is to be expected.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpinkfizzy

Yup, Sevan is a pretty common proper name in Armenia. Most of the baked goods at my grocery store in LA are from one of a couple of different Sevan bakeries in the area. And they're darn tasty. That does not excuse the preposterous "willcom", however.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBee

Hm, after much study, I had decided the gray blob was a horse's head cake pick, laying on it's side--shades of "The Godfather"! After reading the comments, I'm relieved to find that it's a toy soldier.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Is the wasp a Vespiform?

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

I particularly like the one eyed smiley face!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAlyska

Does it say something about your writing or my reading that I thought you said you drove through tomato warnings? Have I seen too many cake wrecks?

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterslartibartfast42

Are you sure it's a soldier? Because it looks more like a two-tailed sting ray to me.
Or is it two sting rays mating?

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmberK

Fridge logic: what happened to Andrew I and Andrew II (or Andrews 1-110, as the case may be)? Did they not come home, or were they just not welcome?

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

This is awesome. Reminds me of the note we saw on our table when my husband and I returned home from our honeymoon. Went a little something like this:
Hey newlyweds,
I hope you had a great time in Jamaica. Everything was fine here. All the gifts are put away and everything is cleaned. Call me when you get in!


PS- Lucy (our dog) peed on your couch.

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTerri

Let us know here or on Epbot when you catch/kill the hornet/wasp!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Forty-seven bucks for a sheet cake? Man, am I under charging!! And my spelling is correct, too!!

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLisa P.

I'm so honored to be on my favortie website - Cakewrecks! Here is the real story of the 174 pound cake:Two days before my lovely daughter, Carrie, turned 16, our son, won the State Wrestling Championships. My husband thought it would be funny to put both events on one cake - "SWEET 16 - 160 LB. CHAMPION" (and imply that maybe Carrie weighed 160 pounds!). Later, Bradley qualified for the National Championships at the same time Carrie was returning from her first year of college so my husband again economized by celebrating both events with one cake. It is a good thing Carrie has a sense of humor! :)

See both cakes here:!/val.darrington

September 6, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterVal

Ok why on earth pay 47 dollars for a misspelled cake? That had better have been the best tasting cake ever or that wreckerator surely charged too much. Honestly am stunned at these wrecks and most importantly of all did you find that hornet/wasp? Haven't yet read through the other posts yet I am a lazy person lol.

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Thanks for coming to see us, Jen! I'm glad you're safe home! And how do I get a carrot jockey necklace? Maybe I can make my own, now that I have "learned" to "decorate." :D

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterscyllacat

Aren't moms the best? =D

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

We finally got home today. 12 hours on the road through the same conditions along with RT88 being closed due to a mudslide. Again. Had to detour and shortly after we went over some bridges, they closed them due to rising waters.

I drove very fast.

September 7, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterev

Sadly I can't get over the "I hope it taste better than it looks" part. But on a serious note, I would've been demanding they fix it or at minimum offer a hefty discount. $47 for a basic and misspelled cake? Bull.

September 8, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

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