My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

I'm Actually NOT Ready For Some Football

I generally try to avoid sports-related stuff like watching ball games, playing ball games, or excessive movement, but even *I* can tell by my Facebook feed that something sports-related is going on. (Or went on. Or is going to go on. STOP PRESSURING ME I JUST DON'T KNOW OKAY?)

So I asked John about it, and he said he thought it was football season. Which might explain some of the stranger submissions I've been getting this week.

Like this:

Thank goodness. I've been waiting for You Teaw to get here for WEEKS.


Or this:

This is actually a perfect visual representation of my sports knowledge: half hearted, blatantly incorrect, and really confusing.


And speaking of confusing:



LITTLE KNOWN SPORTS FACT: Did you know footballs are like puffer fish? It's true! Check it out:





And while we're at it, remember those Hanukkah cakes with the five-pointed stars? Well, here's your problem:

Turns out there was just a mix-up with the Dallas "Cow-Boys."
(Oy vay! Get that pig skin outta here!)


Now it's time to play everyone's favorite football-cake-related game:


Sooo... Turkey? Or football?

Take your time; I'll just be over here humming the Jeopardy theme in between dry heaves. (Is that paprika? *hurk*)


Now this, on the other hand, is a football cake I'd totally buy:

This is an intentional joke Amber made for her bakery manager, but it turned into an unintentional wreck when he put it out on the sales floor to sell. I like to think someone with a similarly snarky sensibility snapped it up.


And finally, a "cake" that perfectly sums up all this football wreckage:

My thoughts exactly.


Thanks to Amber M., Binah, Nilolai N., Rachel L., Claire G., Ellen D., Caitlyn H., Amber G., & Benjamin B. for the home "runs." [snerk]

« Getting Ahead | Main | The Letter of the Flaw »

Reader Comments (70)

This stuff looks very suspicious :P ugh ewwwwwwwwwwwwies!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergigglemaster

I feel inspired by all these silent acts of resistance against oppressive bakery managers who force employees to make football-themed cakes against their wills.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Bzzzzzz! It's Turkey, Jen!
No, wait, not final answer.
It's Football! Final!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

LOVE the "Football is Fabulous" cake. :) And is there even any cake under that last one's pile of icing? Or is that just a pile of icing? Are we selling those now? Oh my goodness am i the first commenter too? Awesome.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

Is everyone else going 'FOOTball is FAAAAAAAbulous!' in a Queer Eye kind of way?

I miss those guys.


January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

that second one looks like a snippet of a football race--with speed! and two balls drifted out of their lanes. and the track.

blowfish ball could be the skeleton of a tiny creature. commemorated on cake with tassel trim. still inappropriate.

5 looks like a limb-less dissection victim, stitched up.

the hannukah football is nicely done. but seriously--pig skin? is that allowed to touch a Jewish cake if it's only made of icing (metaphorically speaking)?

6 reminds me of the Rocky Horror Picture Show lips, with a mouth stitched up or with braces. Or Audrey II, since it's a little dirty.

7 is for either gay or 6 year old football fans. and so lively!

8--seriously? who sells a pile of icing? is there even any cake under there in that oversized box?

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterfootballfoe

Whats even funnier about the Football is Fabulous cake is the plastic signs are acually.....for a "Baseball" team :)

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMicky

is the thing with the almonds on it a cake or a cheese log?

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNiki

At least the sixth cake spelled "Congratulations" correctly.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

My daughter and her theater geek friends would simply adore that pink cake. At homecoming they sat together and sang show tunes in a corner while everyone else watched the game. I'm happy to say, no one was beaten up.

The last cake looks like something Anthony sent to the cornfield.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Amber is awesome. That pink cake is fabulous!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

I really like the football cake with the sliced almonds on it. It looks realistic to me.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSunshine Mary

I can't wait to get out there with my... drumroll... New Cake Making Certificate! and start making cakes all day! Who cares if they tell me to make footballs! I know for a fact I can do better than those!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSunshine Mary

I really think that the deflated football is less football but rather roadkill that has been cut upon then lovingly stitched back up... Or maybe less lovingly come to think of it. Each to their own I guess.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVickyS

Photo #3 kind of reminds me of the Sandra Lee Kwanzaa cake, so that should say something about it in and of itself. LOVE the "Football is Fabulous!" cake. Awesome.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeachkins

Just in case you were wondering if footballs are kosher, "pigskin" is just a nickname. Centuries ago, footballs were inflated pig bladders (not hides), sometimes covered with any kind of leather. But none have been made of pig bladders in living memory. Modern footballs have a rubber or synthetic air chamber covered with leather, usually cowhide. So far, I haven't seen or heard of one covered in actual pigskin.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I worry for the never know what football fans will resort too in these tough economic times.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDoes it Come in Chocolate?

Halololol at your pufferfish analysis. You have made a breakthrough!

I would totally buy that fabulous football cake. Then I'd bring it over to the home of my rabid Steelers friend and bug her throughout a game asking stupid questions. "Do the referees have to wear those tight pants, too?" "When's the seventh-inning stretch? I hear we get to dance the Hora then."

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFlartus

The one with the nuts isn"t too bad, but the rest of them...that last one sums it up D:

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

That second one is half hearted, blatantly incorrect, and really confusing WITH SPRINKLES. And that's all that matters.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterUlrike

So THAT'S where Amber ended up...

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCookieD'oh

Cake #3 looks like a bunch of baby footballs suckling at the teats of the mother football. "Ew" just about sums it up.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrumnate

Turkey or Football? Is that like " Cake or Death"?

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJess

The one with the sliced almonds looks like it was frosted with feces. Yuck!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Hurrah for the Boston Red Sox! Do you think they'll win the Super Bowl this year and take home the Stanley Cup?

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

Hey idk if football is fabulous but that cake gots some SPRINKLES!!!!!!! goin' on. : )

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDIana

The 2nd picture makes me think how awesome it would be to block off half a football field and turn it into a giant ball pit. Now *there's* some halftime fun!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

Turkey or football is actually a zippered turkey with a football inside. How ingenious! ;)

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTeri

The second one looks like a ball pit.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAddy

SO love the last picture with the 49ers picks on the pile of poo icing. I about fell out of my chair! My husband is a 49ers fan and I'm a Saints fan and they play this weekend. Showed him the picture and he didn't find it quite as funny as I did. lol

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatrina

I'm dying to know. Is the third cake iced with peanut butter? I was going to go with almond butter but I believe that is a lighter shade of brown.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Every single day, I laugh and wonder at these cakes that are actually for sale or made specifically for someone. I find myself checking the cases at the grocery stores looking for my own wreck that I would promptly snap a photo and send along. Oh my........such a great laugh every day!! :D

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJean

@CookieD'oh - Just wiped the coffee off of my keyboard. That was my biggest laugh of the day!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Footballs like Pufferfish are poisonous. I don't indulge in or ingest either one :-).

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNorine

Okay, the pink one had me laughing harder than I think I've ever laughed at a sports-themed cake. Looks nummy too!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermouse

I thought the, "turkey or football" cake was my stomach after my c-section (thought you'd hacked my photo files, ROFL). San Francisco 49'ers are da SHIZnit.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermary-anne

waittttt-nobody else answered in the form of a question, did they???

What is a football?
What is a turkey?

What is turball--final answer!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersusanab

The Cow Boys cake reminds me of my husband's groom's cake, right down to the turquoise blue Stars of David!! Love it!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterClaudia

So the second one looks to me like it's supposed to be an artistic representation of a football game--the lower right triangle representing the field, and the upper left triangle representing the legions of diverse and colorful fans in the stands (hence the abundance of colorful sprinkles). Not sure what the placement of the plastic footballs along the dividing line and in the corner of the field is supposed to represent (other than that it creates another triangle, thus tying together the various elements of the cake...).

Oh, and the turkey or a football cake? Neither--it's the top of a bowling ball bag (distressed leather from so much use), with the pull broken off the center zipper.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

It's obviously a TurDucKen. You unzip the turkey to find a duck with a zipper. You unzip the duck and you have a chicken. I think the chicken has buttons though...because it has fingers.

Either that or it's Big Bird's post-autopsy photo.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKoffeekat

I am totally stealing your intro paragraph as my next Facebook status update! It perfectly describes my don't-know attitude towards sports!

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

I LOVE these

- because I really hate football

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpriest' wife

I always laugh at your posts, but Amber's appreciation of the Fabulous football Red Sox practically did me in.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

Nasty, Nasty, and Nasty.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe Tator Tot

I'm so relieved! I've been wondering what to do with my leftover Thanksgiving turkey cake.

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah R.

oh Lord the pink one nearly made me pee my pants from laughing.....especially since I can totally hear my gay friends saying FABULOUS in their own fabulous way....

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbonster

Given the way the Red Sox season ended and the usual excitement up here over the start to the Patriots' season, Amber's offering no doubt did very well on the sale floor, whether or not her manager was in on the joke. (This year she probably would have been better served with "Hockey is fabulous," but then her cake wouldn't have qualified for today's post...)

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

Re: cake #3: nuts on balls is never a good idea . . . just sayin'

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAudrey

The turkey / football looks more like zipped lips to me :)

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVK

I started literally "LOLing" when I saw the football is fabulous cake, and how the Boston Red Sox are a baseball team. The cake was funny enough, but putting the Red Sox on there made it absolutely hilarious

January 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie F

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