My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Everything MUST GO!

"Excuse me, where's your toy department?"

"Let me answer that question with another question:

How picky are you about licking potentially food-grade plastics?"

Yep, you can always tell when bakeries are cleaning out last year's plastic flotsam inventory. Or, as I like to call it: when Darth makes new friends.

Say, d'you think if Vader were to force-choke Spongebob he'd get all wet?

Or would he just threaten to mop the floor with him?

(Because eels always look like they just told a joke and are waiting for a reaction.)


Moving on...


"Good news, boss! This customer wrote 'just make it pretty' on her order form."

"HOT DANG!! Pass me the flotsam bucket."

The lobster really pulls it together.


Of course, there's no reason we can't be artistic about it.

I call this one, "The Meaning Of Life, With A Fast Food Crotch Grab On The Side."

Luckily her hair matches the icing, too, so we might even find a few surpriii-seees!


And this one's called, "Can YOU Say, 'Yooooouuu'rrre OUT!'?

"...'Cuz Indiana Jones 4 Sucked Huevos. Am I Right, Boots?"

Ok, so that title's a little wordy. I'll keep working on it.


"Well, boss, we did it. There's just one piece left - a spare from our old Halloween kits. Should I throw it away?"

"Throw it away? Are you kidding? Of course not! Give it here."


"Now we can sell it by the foot!"


Hey Shelli A., Kris T., Janie L., Jenn C., Lindsey S., Janie L., & Anony M, wheeeen theeee joke seems to fly like a big whoopie pie...that's a moray!

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Reader Comments (81)

I absolutely love the eels. That gave me and my boyfriend a hearty laugh.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterShandi

"...that's a moray!" I don't know what you are on, but I want some! Entire post was filled with hyper-active bursts of creativity. Frosting overdose maybe? Rock on!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBassgirl

(Mopping tears of laughter out of her keyboard) Great Post!!!!!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWroena

Happy MLK Day?
WHAT is the deal with the eel?
Don't tell me that's a cake. Can't be. Not with those nostrils.
...well, there goes breakfast.
"I had a dream"...!

-Blondie's Mom

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBlondie's Mom

Oh, Jen, I laughed so hard my abs hurt! That's my workout for today, thank you.
The cookie cake with the last piece of flotsam on it reminded me of a joke:
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Another LOL! You are a genius, you know! Love the moray, love the mom's cake with 6 babies and poker cards. I guess if she has 6 babies she should play the cards in Vegas. I know I felt like I had won some sick lottery when they said 4. Not that I don't love the kids and all...oh wait. Cake. Yeah...
Aaaanyway! Funny post!

It's too early in morning to wonder why there are cannonballs on Mom's cake. I'm going back to bed.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

And just like that. I will never look at another eel the same again.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Re: Mom's cake. I don't see anything wrong with the mother of six having a wide range of interests.
Lobster fishing, racing, pyromania, bowling ball stacking (?) and gambling are all valid ways for a busy mom to let off steam and stay in touch with her inner woman, Now the recipient of the next cake may be in trouble. When a woman (regardless of how many children she has) becomes dependant on junk food, beer and...uh..."self adoration," her babies may end up being neglected.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

THAT'S A MORAY...I totes woke up singing a sole mia, so it must be a trend. Probs. the frozen air of Florida freezing all our brains. ACTCH

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

I think those eels disturbed me more than the cakes did! LOL Although the crotch grab fast food is a very, very close second. Just... why??

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany

I think those jokes have made me somewhat eel.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeriamis

Oh, yeah, the eels did it for me, too. Still laughing. Great way to start the morning out here in California.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I will never hear that song again without thinking "that's a moray!"

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMijinjax

Asa scuba diver who has been suprised by a moray, this post is even creepier to me than the ones John writes.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMattG


January 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

These are obviously MLK Day cakes. They are highlighting diversity in the flotsam container and excellent examples of everything getting along. Well, maybe a bit forced in some cases, but still, harmony....right?

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJengersnap

The eel at the end about killed me laughing.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

When an eel
reaches out
and bites you on the snout
that's a moray.

BTW, I'm scratching my head over the fire truck on the "Mom" cake. Does that mean "Mom" is a fire fighter as well as the mom of six who enjoys all sorts of different hobbies?

Fun stuff as always, Jen! Whatever your "sickness" is, I enjoy being infected! :D

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercrownring

I'd heard blogging wasn't terribly lucrative, but it appears it's left you guys pretty well 'eeled.

(I was a bit sad those were actual eels. I want Disney to do a "Little Mermaid" cake set with Ursula's two eels, so there would really be "plastic Flotsam.")

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Those aren't bowling balls on Mom's cake... they're her marbles! Which she thought were forever lost when the doctor said "six"! Honestly, though, between the Fire Dept., the six kids, the poker tourneys, the lobstering, riding with the Heck's Angels, and being psychic (that is a Mystic Eye, isn't it?), it's no wonder she has to stack her marbles on the birthday cake, where she'll see them at least once a year.

Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! LOVED the eels! That was a great way start my week. Thanks!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMeganM.

i'm with Bassgirl, i want what ever drugs you are taking/smoking....

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterearlleen

When you swim in the sea
and an eel bites your knee
THAT's a Moray!

Thanks for my morning giggles!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLady C

Yay, our wreck submission made it into a post! We found the cookie at the grocery store right before Christmas. I guessed it was an elf foot but now I see it is a it's even more disturbing than I first thought it was. Thank you to Jen and the Eels for making my day!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieG

That last eel's my expression as I contemplate Vader force-chocking SpongeBob ... and getting wet.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermsyendor

So, the farmer and pig at the top right of your first picture actually ARE toys. They're from the Fisher Price Barn set. I'm wondering if some baker's kid was a bit too old for the set, and the baker said, "Hey, I can take those old toys and put them to new use!" Is it to much to hope that the toys were washed first?

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Awesome flotsam post, and the pun at the end was perfect. What a great way to start the day. Cheers!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterleorising

The great thing about plastic flotsam is the way you can easily address the diverse interests of the recipients in on cake or cluster of cupcakes...

By the way, they seem to be charging for that crotch grabber by the pound! Is that before or after the addition of the flotsam? And is that a candle wick I see? Yikes!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

You are the best way to lighten my day. HOW are you so funny day after day after day??? You have a gift. BUT, if there is some secret to it, please share! Love the eels.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTeri

Witch accidentally
squashed last ingredient in
disappearing brew.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

That Halloween cookie is just "Wicked"!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda Young

What's that thing
In the reef
with the big
Shiny teeth

That's a mo-ray!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoanne

Can't type--laughing too hard.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBarbara

Long time reader, 1st time commenting. I just had to. I heart you so much, you have the best sense of humor EVER!! This whole post was just entirely full of brilliant. I was cackling alone in my apt like a crazy person! Which is not far off the norm, really, but this was an outstanding example. Keep up the awesome!!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrenna

America's social morays are alive and well.

I've always wondered (well, once, anyway) how these flotsamized cakes sell when we're endlessly told about PDQ or WTF or whatever plastic ingredient we're all supposed to be in terror of this week. I mean, isn't anyone worried that they might get...eel?

"Paella is a fish dish, not cockney-stinking-eel-pie!" -- Manuel

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

Those 6 babies aren't Frosting Jockeys! Where are the carrots?

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCornflake Girl

LOLOLOLOL That's hilarious!! As usual, you make me literally LOL I now know how to describe that look on eel faces, which is perfect.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterIggy bit by teeth way down under the reef, that's a moray
When you head for dry land with no fingers or hand that's a moray...
When it's eel that you feel and you know you're not dreaming, oh no way,
Scuse'a-me can't you see way down under the sea...
That's a moray!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChenaya

My four year old just said "I so hope that's not my birthday cake"

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

Oh, wait, the eels weren't made of cake?

I was fully prepared for the flotsam cake to read "just make it pretty." I think I'm vaguely disappointed that it didn't. :-)

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJules

The naked babies on cake #3 are missing their carrots.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNebula

You are totally nuts.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDana

You, Jen, are now officially my favorite person on planet Earth!!!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah R.

having a crappy day and yest again, CakeWrecks made it all better. Thanks for the laughs.

(p.s. I'm gonna be singing that ALL day now ha)

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRachael

No, no, it's
When you meet with an eel
Who has great sex appeal
THAT's amoray.

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

#4... I... wh... I... it... whhh... Soda bottle?

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRane

Oh dear, that eel bit had me cackling with laughter. I had to bring the laptop into the kitchen to show my husband. I'm easily entertained. :D

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle

Twenty years or so ago Smithsonian magazine had an article about sea life that inspired a reader to reply with: "When the ell in the reef/ Nips your heel with his teeth/ It's a moray."

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTXRed

OMG Recovering from strep and this is the first time I've laughed all weekend. I'm not sure what's better - the post or the comments! After reading both, I might just live after all. Thank you!

January 16, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSerenity

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