My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

It's Hatching Men

Well, here's something you don't see every day:

[adjusting spectacles and consulting clipboard] Here we have two neanderthal males with questionable chest hair hatching from watery eggs. As you can see, the one on the right has acclimated to the process, while the one on the left is all "AAAAAUUUGGHH!!"

Which is a paraphrase, of course, since in Neanderthal it'd actually be more like "OokalockahoohooGROOOOOOONK!"

Now when I first saw that picture, I figured some lone baker somewhere had gone off the deep end. Which doesn't seem an unreasonable hypothesis when you look at that icing armpit hair.

Then I saw this next one:

So the neanderthal has evolved into a suave grey fox with well-groomed armpit hair and an outie belly button that will give mothers everywhere a coronary, but the question remains:

Why are bakeries making cakes of men hatching out of watery eggs?

Anyone know? Or will this turn into another lamb cakes smoking cigarettes mystery?


Thanks to Kathleen C. for the egg-cellent wreckporting.

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Reader Comments (134)

*Mork calling Orsen, Mork calling Orsen*
The reinforcements from Ork have arrived, but they seem to be missing their spacesuits.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

What the what?! Trying to figure out the meaning of this cake is going to bug me all day! I'm going to need some answers!!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCrystal

Icing armpit hair...there's a phrase I never needed to hear in my lifetime...

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCarrieG

I have a confession.. I have not read every single post on this blog so when I saw the words "lamb cakes smoking cigarettes" I couldn't help myself and had to click on it.... OMG I can't stop laughing! I'm at work (in a call centre) and may need to leave the floor!!

But about this post... i'm not sure what the heck is going on....I really don't understand people at all!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPenny

Are you sure they're hatching out of eggs? Might the blue in fact be water splashing up around them as they surge to the surfact? They really remind me a lot of that Merman cake (loved that one) so perhaps there's actually a connection there!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Just when I thought it couldn't get any stranger... What is it about cake decoration that draws these people? There's certainly a paper waiting to be written in some Journal of Psychology.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDocbanger

Well poop, now I must subscribe to all future comments to find the answer! This is weird, I was thinking maybe merman, or a sick new years type thing for Chinese new year but other than that I'm stumpted.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMisty K

I say the wreckorators are being resourceful! Why use the eater cake molds only one time a year!!! Break them out for the invasion of mermen erupting from water eggs! :D

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterApril

I don't know why these cakes exist... I just know I'm afraid. Very afraid.

Also, is it just me or does the suave egg man look like he should have a British accent? Cause he's just that suave.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJabby

I thought the first one was just a couple of really ugly chickens until I saw the second one. I'm not sure if I want an explanation. I love starting my day with Cake Wrecks.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

Oh for the love of Pete, I hope SOMEONE can solve this insanity!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

could they remotely be ..... mermen? Although i don't think merpeople have belly buttons... ( will look at photos of ariel and said celebrity merfolk)

armpit hair real or icing is totally gross to me.. .

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDIana

Maybe it has something to do with the "Polar Bear Plunge" that some people do in the middle of winter? i.e. Jumping into a lake when it's freezing outside.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Two questions are posed:

1. if they ARE hatching from eggs, why do they have bellybuttons?
2. It's scary enough that one bakery would make such a thing (figuring that it was some sort of request by a customer), but TWO bakeries thought that it was a good idea? There must be a bakery idea book somewhere that actually has this as a viable cake option... Scary thought, indeed.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSue

Maybe the blue is supposed to be a block of ice... u know the whole frozen caveman thing?? Even so, strange cake theme.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaddie

Belly button, is it? Oy, whatever it is, these things are horrible! Do not want!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergothchiq

Anyone but me notice that the "suave" one appears to be, uh, fully functional?

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

Oh, the polar bear plunge kinda makes sense! It's for charity here and its when people plunge into the ocean for kicks and giggles in the winter, just to see how cold it is. I know its supposed to happen here soon.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat.

I am so glad that you said "watery egg" because I thought they were blue tulips--not that either one of those makes sense unless you are Anne Geddes taking pictures of babies.
Also was relieved to find out the second picture included an outie belly button instead of what my admittedly old eyes saw.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Wendy, I think that might be the answer! Perhaps the menfolk look so shocked because they're jumping into nipply (that's not a typo) water.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

I love starting my day here, usually at the crack of 11:00. I have no clue what those unfortunate cakes are, but I just wonder how everytime there is a terrible cake trend every bakery ends up following along. Its like the are big conferences and continuing education courses for wreckerators out there. Jen, you should totally get tickets to WreckCon '12, but maybe lay off on the Find Jen and Win a Prize game...for your own safety.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoe

I think these are from the same bakery. The board, tray, mouth, style and colors are almost exactly the same. Weird!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

Oh dear. I had thought the anatomically correct marzepan pig behind would haunt my dreams forever. Alas, armpit hair depicted in frosting has now taken its place.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJennyMcG

With the olympics coming up this summer, maybe they are left over Mark Spitz cakes?

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

As a fan of the show back in the day, I cracked up at the Mork and Mindy ref., I'm just gonna go with that!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeckah

I think they're flower fairies.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

Belly button? Really? Not my first thought!

If they're not from the same bakery, then I wonder if there is a bakery magazine somewhere that has a monthly feature, "Repurposing Those Out-of-Season Cake Molds", or something? Because the whole unified-bakery-field theory would just be too weird.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterleorising

In the second picture, the person holding the cake up has her fingers in the cake and it doesn't seem to be affecting the icing?!?! Are these not cakes?? Quite the mystery we have this morning!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

What...the..hell???? D:

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Any chance those are not eggs, but raindrops, and it's raining men? Though I'm not sure that's any less disturbing...

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

"I don't always jump out of blue tulips/eggs/ice water, but when I do...well I am not certain why, either." /dosequisguy

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJill

I've never heard of a cake for this before, but, I think it's the Chinese Creation myth of Pan Ku. I'm serious, it's a weird story, check it out. Summary being: Panku being a hairy man with horns and 10 times the size of a normal man, burst out of the cosmic egg with his hammer and chisel. He then used these tools to create the world.

...that didn't sound crazy at all. Go google it, the details to the story are even crazier, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I saw these :)

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChaoseeker

Uhm yeah guys I'm pretty sure that "outie belly button" is actually a body part located a little further south than that....

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

The bigger mystery to me is how were these mystical creatures born without any noses.


January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNoseless in Dallas

First thoughts:

"Look what Zog do."

Followed closely by "Marshmallow Creeps." (That less-popular Easter treat...)

Then I realized this was actually an example of Great Moments of Historical Significance finding their way into pop culture. Look closely at the side-by-side cakes. These are copies of the famed cave paintings of Lascaux, France. They depict a creation myth of people being born from "Mother Ocean," as envisioned by the indigenous people of the period -- if you look closely, you'll see the cake on the right, with its full, pouty lips, was actually meant to be a female from pre-depilatory times. It also explains why the "egg" is blue -- it's actually a wave.

These cave paintings inspired Botticelli when he painted "The Birth of Venus" (Venus Rising from the Waves,) although he painted his subject to reflect the ideal of female beauty prevalent at the time. Few know it, but Botticelli also painted a companion piece with the male figure. Unfortunately, for the male painting he decided to change the name from "Venus" to something very similar, but reflective of the gender of the male subject. This aroused the ire of the Church at the time, and the male painting was destroyed.

Sadly, the significance of the Lascaux paintings and Botticelli's later works don't translate well in frosting. What was once a profound example of historic art had been reduced to an ugly naked guy hatching from an egg, exposing what I really HOPE is a pretty pronounced "outie." Still, those of us "in the know" can look at these awful cakes, see the beauty beneath, and... go to a better bakery.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

A polar bear cake contest. I think some of the people above have a point. Far fetched as that may be.

(this is my first reaction, but I'm a looooong time avid reader, thanks for the many laughs!)

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCorina

That's one of the most acute herniated navels I've ever seen.

... But since these men are just hatching, shouldn't their umbilical cords still be attached?

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

There's something rather odd about these cakes?!? I could never tell!!

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFignie

Maybe Humpty Dumpty?

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMSNinalaska

Well, one mystery solved. I guess tomorrow you'll post the Beginnings of Barnacle Boy???

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTor2ga

To answer Sue's question, many animals that hatch from eggs do have rudimentary belly buttons - actually scars from the place where the developing animal was connected to its egg sac (equivalent of the placenta).

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought Mr. Suave's "belly button" ... um ... wasn't.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJules

Misty K sez:
"I was thinking maybe merman, or a sick new years type thing for Chinese new year ..."

Hey, it's the Year of the Dragon, not the Year of the Chicken Man.

"He's everywhere! He's Everywhere!"

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I thought I'd be clever and google the elements of the cake to see if there might be an explanation available. All I got was "How to use a urinal without splashing yourself" so.........................

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerry

If they are hatching from eggs, why do they have belly buttons?

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNewbuffalomom

Time for a limerick:


Once, some men hatched from eggs,
Disregarding biology’s regs.
They didn’t wear blazers,
And didn’t use razors.
Moreover, they didn’t have legs.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGary

Where are these cakes from? Maybe that'll shed some light on why these were made.

I don't understand what you mean about the finger on the frosting. The finger appears to be on the shiny gold board.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJamie

I think emerging from/splashing into water like some hairy middle-aged Venus in the clam makes the most sense. If anything makes sense here, really.
"I want a piece with the armpit hair!"

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzombiekim

That first cake picture reminds me of the "Bob's Burgers" characters / style of animation. I have no idea of the reason behind these hatchling cakes though.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen @ Cup a Dee Cakes

Im guessing Orthodox Christian Epiphany cakes which also commemorates the Baptism of Jesus and lots of hairy Orthodox men and not so hairy women and some children celebrate by jumping in a freezing cold lake. The Baptism is also a link to resurection, you die under the water and rise again as a new and cleansed soul, so the egg as the symbol of resurection.
Thye smoking lamb is also an eastern/orthodox paschal tradition as to some smoking is a sign of affluence and so they are showing off their wealth.(I know ,I know but you asked!!)

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

Google Image Search not particularly helpful, though most images are surprisingly safe for work.

January 24, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterlen

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