My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

In Literal Color

Ok, Wreckies, time for a pop quiz. I'll tell you what these people ordered on their cakes, and then you see if you can guess how the baker wrecked it.


We'll start with something easy: 

"A giant 57"

Yeah, at this point you'd probably be more surprised to see just a 57 on there, huh?


"Happy Birthday Noah" in red

Apparently a lot of bakers pronounce the word "and" as "'n", because I see a lot of these. So many kids having to share their cakes with a fictional character. It's sad, really.


This version's a bit more convoluted, though:

"Happy Birthday Ronda" in chocolate

I wonder how many times Ronda had to explain who Incho was.


"Dave and Amanda" inside a heart

Ok, that was another easy one - but why the giant sunflower?


"Happy 85th Birthday Angelo" in "happy" colors

It's a lot more fun to read that as "colon" instead of "color." Just sayin'.


 "Happy 1st Birthday New New," plus a boy with light brown skin.

(Yes, New New is the actual name.) 

In the baker's defense, it would have taken a LOT more effort to write out, "boy with light brown skin."

Thanks to Jane R., Russ Z., Ronda M., Stephanie M., Kim S., & Heather K. for proving that sometimes you really can get exactly what you ask for.

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Reader Comments (49)

I'm a happy colon!

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFearless Colon

When I'm 85, I hope I have a "happy colon" too.

Apologies if this double posts; IE is being a [redacted naughty thing] today.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

In all honesty, the fact that someone was named "new new" is far more of a wreck than that cake. Seriously?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

It's really too bad about the first cake. I think it was well done, I mean you can actually tell those are balloons!

I can't understand the third cake. Incho? What does that even mean? I guess whoever wrote the order shortened the 'in chocolate' instructions to just 'in cho' but that doesn't excuse it.

The colors on Angelo's cake do not look happy. They kind of look ill.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

Why is it balloons on cakes always look like "male essence" (if you know what I mean!) :-)

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbmbagain803

"Incho": the cruel nickname Rhonda gave to her disappointing boyfriend.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

If they were being so literal, how come they left off the 'A' in 'A Giant 57'? I WANT MY 'A', DAGNABIT!!

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

It could be worse. The wreckorator who made New New's cake could have actually tried to draw a little boy with light brown skin. The mind boggles.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

Sung to “Interjection” from Schoolhouse Rocks

A 57th birthday for you
I told the bakery just what to do
They wrote “Giant 5 7”
And I said, “Good Heavens!”
Then I started using some interjections.

Show excitement,
Or emotion
So when they write, “+Red” on Noah’s cake
They clearly didn’t get the point
I’ll start yelling as I show them what is wrong.

Then Ronda needed birthday cake, too
I told the bakery just what to do
What was the disconnection?
“Incho” needs a correction
Perhaps it’s time for a few interjections.

Show excitement,
Or emotion
“Inside a heart” means that they’re not thinking
Or trying to make a point!
I think they just wanted to do it wrong!

Angelo’s not “happy”
He’s sad
I’m excited
And mad
Brown frosting
For “Boy”
Just shows me that they're really not that bright!

Want to hear them?
Try a bakery.
When customers pick up their confections
Their noses get out of joint
When the piping on cakes was just done wrong.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

My Mom's cat is named Red. Perhaps the baker thought it was my Mom's cat's birthday?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

Bahahaha brilliant

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

I'm amazed!!! The balloons all look like ... balloons!!

CW constantly reminds me why I don't order cakes, and take the time to bake them myself. While these are actually fairly done, (well, Angelo could have asked for better, but it's wonderful he can celebrate a happy colon at his age!) I really have to wonder just what people are thinking.

Maybe they need a better form to tell the wrecker what is wanted? A space for words exactly as they are to appear? A different space for icing colors? A space for any other instructions, to be followed, NOT to appear on the cake? I'd like to see what they really record the orders on!

Still laughing at "Incho" though!! hmmmm... Is it the dreaded ccc, or just a messy chocolate cake? Now, New New begs a completely different question.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDi

I'll second Trevor, who names a boy New New?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKeks

New New? What is Dad's name? Mom's? Child of Used and Vintage? Or did they run out of numbers on older kids? Why do parents inflict a life of name-hell on helpless offspring? Why? Why? Why?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

"Happy Birthday Ronda and Incho" is my new favorite of all time since it's far too sad that Angelo's colon isn't really as "happy" as it would seem... I guess that's what happens with age... 's a shame...

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBrooke

Ugh. Name (or nickname) your kid "New New" and you know what? You deserve every misfortune that comes your way.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterquisty0174

Ok Sharyn, I usually don't comment on your songs because they are always fabulous and someone else will probably say something anyway, but WOW! I love today's version. Seriously. Love. Thank you for making me nostalgic for Schoolhouse Rock. Now I'll have to watch the DVD (which I of course own) tonight when I get home.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

On that last cake, technically there IS a "light brown boy"...

... And all technicalities count...

... Or something...


October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Number 3: the result of inchoate literacy?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

So my twins' birthday is next week. They are both allergic to eggs and nuts, so we only do home-baked cakes & cupcakes--nothing from a commercial bakery. My daughter is going for a food challenge at the allergist's office today to see if she can actually start eating baked goods with eggs, and she's hopeful she will pass. She's already eager to go to a bakery and get a "store-bought" cake. She's got elaborate dreams of a two-tiered cake with a blue and white color scheme and dogs all painted in frosting on the lower level. As she describing an increasingly intricate plan for her cake, I reminded her to "remember Cake Wrecks", which quickly deflated her dream of a beautifully decorated and fanciful cake, as it is clear that professionals don't always get it right!

Maybe we'll end up again like last year, where our cake stuck to the pan, and so I ended up stacking the two rounds in layers (rather than each with their own round cake), cutting down the middle, and having two semi-circle cakes. semi-circle, and one cascading side of a cliff, which when frosted became a perfect setting for the Lightning McQueen candle and black icing "road" my son wanted. Hey, at least I didn't pay for it! :-)

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

Hey, hey, HEY! This isn't Name Wrecks, people! Let's not get distracted by the name choices of others and stick to picking on poor defenseless wreckerators, shall we?

If we pick apart the cake submitters, no one will want to submit cakes anymore and then where will we be? Sitting on street corners making fun of the chalk drawings of small children, THAT'S where!

At least Noah's and Ronda's cakes are easy fixes. I'm a little confused with Ronda's though. If 'in' was taken for 'and', how did they still get 'Incho'? Wouldn't it be more logical to have written 'Ronda & Cho'? Oh, wait. I see where I went wrong. I used logic.

'Dave and Amanda Inside a Heart': is this some sort of promo for Innerspace II?

On the plus side, I think the baker used the quotation marks correctly for Angelo's "happy" colon.

Hee. Considering what COULD have happened there, I'm thinking New New got off easy!

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

I really hope "New New" is a foreign/ethnic name. Or a pet.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMargaret Thatcher

It could be that New New is Asian and the parents had NO idea how odd it would look to have it spelled out, or even misspelled out. (In Vietnam Ti is pronounced the. Combine with surname Ho, and guess how that little girl might feel growing up in America.)

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkelticat

I actually like the sunflower. Seems well done.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMister Dictionary

At least the "Happy Birthday Noah + Red" was done with red icing...that has to count for something, right?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Y'know, when I was growing up, my dad taught me to be precise in my diction and meaning by reacting in a literal manner. F'rinstance, if, riding in the car, I said, "Turn here, Dad," meaning "at the corner", he would turn HERE - middle of a field, driveway, whatever. Obviously, these Wreckorators had much the same training, but didn't benefit from it. Dad would've been a great Wreckorator!

Stop calling me "boy". It's insulting.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNew New

I am hoping New New is an ethnic name with meanings we don't understand in their language. *hoping*

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranne

I'm pretty sure that fourth cake is a daisy.

@zoomom - Perfect in every way.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCat

I guess it shows how low my expections have sunk that I was impressed that both Noah's, Ronda AND Angelos cakes were at least actually written in the requested color....

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLacey S

Here's hoping that the inscription on that last cake wasn't piped with actual... puréed... light brown... SKIN. You know, as requested.


October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPretzelogic in Philly, PA

Thanks @zoomom I'm still giggling about Rhonda's disappointing boyfriend named Incho. Bhahhaahahaha

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

Sharyn, I've always enjoyed your parodies, but today's is just a total ton of awesome!

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeepBunny

Dad's name is also"New" - of course they call him "Old New" to prevent confusion.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbeemo1

@gobbler: Why Why Why is New New's sister.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterY Y Y SO SRS?

DId the wreckorator think the instructions were "Ronda, Incho : Collate"?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

New New's parents just might be Tanctonese (for those playing along at home, the aliens from Alien Nation) who were in/famous for being given bizarre and inappropriate names at immigration processing (e.g., Sam Francisco, the newcomer police detective).

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkhereva

Name Wrecks would be great.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMinatomachi

Incho? Now, if only Ronda was Japanese...awkward!*

*Incho means president in japanese, fyi. Not discriminating here, kay?

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLia

New New was a character in the 2006 teenage coming of age movie "ATL." She was called that because she was always first with the newest of the new fads. It was a pretty good movie for its genre and the nickname has become fairly popular with some teenagers. The actress, Lauren London, was nominated for best supporting actress in her first film role.

If that's the origin of the name, it's certainly not the first time someone's been named after a fictional character.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrcs

I think "New New" is probably an anthropomorphic typewriter from a Sesame Street cartoon.

October 10, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjbrecken

Well at least the baker of cake number 2 still managed to get the writing colour correct for once... :P

October 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterVoiceMail

Aw, poor Angelo! Green and brown are not happy colors at all.

And, wow, harsh criticism of "New New" - especially for a one-year-old! It's probably a nickname, I think it's very sweet-sounding. My grandniece's nickname is La La, and is as precious as precious can be. Wishing misfortune on a baby because of a sweet name is a *bit* much.

October 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCaren

Maybe New New is Mork (of Mork and Mindy's) son. "New New, New New!"

October 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHM

Maybe it's actually spelled Nuunuu, and the person placing the order forgot to spell it out. (Although we've seen what can happen when they do spell things, so maybe it's just as well.)

October 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

I hope I have a happy colon at 85!!! And, yes, I might have to get a cake to celebrate. If I live to 85, I'm gonna make up occasions all the time for cake ( "Happy I Still Have Most of My Teeth Day" for instance).

@TwinMom - some bakeries (proper ones, not grocery store ones) can make awesome vegan cakes. I had 2 cakes for my wedding, one regular and one vegan. The vegan cake was delicious, it was a spice cake with frosting that tasted exactly like cream cheese frosting.

October 11, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFlower Girl

Oh dear, the "Happy Colon" cake had me in fits of giggles. I actually had to walk away from the computer to calm down and now my husband thinks I'm mad (he should know better by now). Just wonderful combination of "happy" colours and ambiguous spelling.

Also wanted to add that I love your blog. Never fails to make me laugh even on difficult days :)

October 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

You've got to put out a table setting for incho at birthday parties just like you do for the prophet Elijah at the Passover seder.

October 12, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

This is why quotation marks were invented.

February 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRobert

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