My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Hail, Oh Ween!

 Sure, you could call it Halloween, but where's the fun in that?





"Haaloween?" Throw in an umlaut, and you've got Ikea's next bookshelf.



The only holiday that fills you with candy, but still leaves you empty inside.

Or something.




And my personal favorite:



On a completely unrelated note, I'd like to point out that this is supposed to be an eyeball:

But you know how else you could make this look almost - but not quite - exactly UNLIKE an eyeball?

 Like this:

Head, meet desk. Desk, head. Aaaand, repeat.


Thanks to Mrs. O., Jeremy C., Kelly S., Chickpea, Micheal B., Kat B., & Loni for helping us see eye-to-eye. You've been great pupils!

« And Who Are YOU Supposed To Be? | Main | Halloween Tips »

Reader Comments (62)

Happy Halloween CW crew and enthusiasts!
Yeah, the "eyeball" cake is, well, not quite there yet. Maybe if they add some sprinkles? And I personally love the "Lettering Done On Pick Up" cake. Just, epic. EPIC FAIL!!! :)
Love you guys, this blog, and Halloween!
(See, it can be spelled right)

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJess T

The missing umlat
sobs on the cracking ice floe,
forlorn, unlettered.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Too bad. The pumpkin on the first one was really well done.

I also like the "Lettering on Pickup" one. LOL!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJasini

Maybe that last one is supposed to be a goat eyeball? A goat with allergies?

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSusanna K.

I love "lettering done on pickup" - OBVIOUSLY someone has been reading Cakewrecks, and thought they'd be smart and make the baker do it while supervised, because that way nothing can go wrong. Right? WRONG. The wreackators is always just that one tiny step ahead.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

And these decorators have the right to vote.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJeanette

Sung to “Dancing Queen”

You can trick, you can treat, having the night of your life
But that word, it’s so mean, you can’t spell Haloween

Wednesday night and the lights are low
Looking for a good house to go
Where they have the right candy, chocolate anything
You’ll come trick or treating

Every year that word makes you cry
Haaloween, and the moon is high
Eat a bit of rock candy, Holloween’s so fine
That word must be from France
So when you get the chance…

You spell it Hailoween, still not right, time to make a scene
Just give up, pipe the words on the order sheet (ooo yeah –ah –ah)
You can trick, you can treat, having the night of your life
Google it, time to learn how to spell Halloween.

Something’s wrong here, it starts to dawn
There’s an eye that some worms are on
Next one has two pupils, that just will not do
It makes you look askance
Each year you get one chance

For a fun Halloween, candy’s sweet, and you’re still a teen
Halloween, get dressed up and the candy’s free (ooo, ooo)
You can trick, you can treat, having the time of your life (woo, oo oo)
Sure they’re wrecks, but there’s cake for your Halloweeen.

Have a Happy Halloween, everyone!

@mindy1, and the rest of the East Coasters: Thinking about you, and sending well wishes (and a donation...)

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Not in the least bit related. Today's Word of the Day: lycanthrope


Earlier Words of the Day this semester (because it is my duty to inform you of such things): logogram, lynx, laborious, litany, lurid, lachrymose, limpid, lichen, lumbago, lyrebird, lava-lava, legume, litmus, loathe, lemming, lightsome, leatherneck, lyric, lorikeet, luminary, laconic, languish, lungfish, loganberry, loll, lysis, libation, linden, lignite, lode, lavish, luff, ludicrous, laureate, lingua franca, and the ever-glorious lugworm.

The day one of my students ran up to me breathlessly in the hallway to say she saw the word "laborious" used in other class's textbook is a day I will not soon forget.

And now I feel like I'm really back. I *have* missed you all. Thank you again for the warm and kind words.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Since it is a holiday that originally was about saints, I think Haloween makes perfect sense.

But what is that on the Haaloween (or should I say Hääloween?) cake - are those little sperm ghosts?

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMiA

Some of these looked fairly nice, not the eyeball cakes, but most of the others do, other than the writing on them. If the smiley sperm were ghosts and the inscription were fixed, that would be nice. Even the skeleton on the dreaded CCC looks really well done. My favorite would have to be the outdoor scene with the orange apples, strawberries, peaches? I don't know what they are, but they are definitely not pumpkins. And I'm really not sure why they piped a bright blue border on it. Even the disgusting, tooth-staining black would've been a better choice. Happy Haaloween! No, Happy Hailoween! No, that's not right either. Happy Holoween! Oh, darn it all! Happy Holiday!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

LOL! Thanks for brightening up an otherwise cold and dreary Halloween. :)

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermillbrit

"Throw in an umlaut, and you've got Ikea's next bookshelf."
HAH! Laughed so hard that I almost came unwrapped! See, I would have died laughing, but I'm already dead. Mwaa-ha-haaa!

I have to stop reading CakeWrecks while I'm eating; I always end up spraying blood all over my keyboard. Ehhehheh.

No, really, I cackle like crazy sometimes, almost throw a bolt other times, occasionally I even turn green and come apart at the seams, because this website is always a cauldron of bubbling fun.

Happy HailoHaalowHollowHaloHellowien, Jen and John! Thanks for all the hard work you put into keeping us in stitches. I make no bones about my love for CakeWrecks, especially when you get into the spirit of the best holiday…Halloween!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKW

The Cravin’ (reprised, slightly revised, and with deepest apologies to E.A. Poe)

Once upon a late night, dreary, I walked into the bakery, weary,
Waited my turn and stared upon the bakery floor.
I was cravin’ cake when suddenly there came a tapping, as if someone gently rapping,
Rapping on the bakery door.
‘Tis another customer, I muttered, tapping on the bakery door,
Only this and nothing more.

Ah, distinctly I recall, it was late into the fall,
And I was standing in the mall, looking at the bakery floor.
Eagerly I wanted to go home, for I had no desire to roam
Around the stores, I wanted my cake and then to soar,
But I was stuck in line, could move no more,
So I still gazed upon the floor.

Then the baker called my number, rousing me from a slight slumber,
I went to the counter and stood before,
I pro-offered, “Here’s my ticket,” and he went into the back to picket it,
Went to the back through a narrow door.
I could see the boxes stacked upon the floor,
Boxes, boxes, nothing more.

Out he came with a great big grin, two cake boxes ‘neath his chin.
He placed them on the counter there and lifted the lids into the air.
Up flew the lids with quite a flourish;
Yes, he lifted the lids with quite a flair
And said “Take a peek at what’s in there!”
I did…then reached for a near-by chair.

My God, I stammered, nearly choking, surely this man was cruelly joking!
What The Frosting!?! I loudly shouted,
As I stared at the outrage there.
And in my mind I never doubted
That my order he had flouted;
I just stood there, and sadly pouted.

These are not mine, I simply said, though I think my protest went over his head.
My blood vessels shrank, went into restriction
As the horrors stood before me.
Was I not clear in my diction?
Do I speak with some restriction?
Do I have some speech affliction?

When I say that I want sprinkles, do you hear “a boy that tinkles”?
And what is all that big brown goo
Heaped upon that other cake?
What I said was a kangaroo.
Does that sound like “mounds of poo”?
Piles and piles of doggy-do?

My need for cake fled real fast as I stood there quite aghast
And dropped the cakes upon the floor,
Not believing what was in those boxes, like a plague of deadly poxes…
I had to leave, could take no more,
I staggered to the bakery door,
Get the cravin’….? Nevermore.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

Hail Jen! ROTFL!!!! Loved all the puns today
(and Hail also Sharyn, Haikujoy and Mel!!)

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Wow! That was amazing, mel!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenternormajean

A skeleton... with Happy Hollow ween? Maybe it's for an Osteogenesis (brittle bone disease) patient?

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJen @ Cup a Dee Cakes

Brilliant, Mel! Loved it!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKW

If the first cake had been a deliberate "Red v. Blue" reference, it would have been funny. Sadly, it wasn't.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Oh my God. That last "eyeball" literally made me laugh aloud. That is hilarious.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKayla

For some reason the second eyeball cake caption makes me want to make a cup of tea!

(LOVE the Hitchhiker's Guide nod!)

absolutely brilliant Mel!

That last eyeball cake reminds me of the time my dad tried to fry some eggs... did I mention that my dad can't cook?

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

@Mel, Sharyn haiku joy and everyone else, thanks for the laughs and well wishes :)

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Sclera? More like SCARE-a!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNyperold

Soooo, the skeleton... some of his bones are missing their Epiphysis... which makes them look more like, um, a different sort of bone. There's man parts all over that thing!!!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKellie

"Throw in an umlaut, and you've got Ikea's next bookshelf."
Best. Line. Ever.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelonie

The googly eyes in the second pic kind of look like an umlaut over the "o" if you squint hard enough and are also possibly in pancreatic shock from too much Halloween candy.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMatt J

"Throw in an umlaut, and you've got Ikea's next bookshelf."

Oh my...I needed that laugh!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmy H.

@mel: Love "The Cravin'" reprise/rewrite. Has it really been a year already?

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I think the first eyeball cake is actually a retina cake. Seriously, search google for dog or cat retinas -- this cake looks a lot like the nerdy cakes my vet school friends make.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

"Throw in an umlaut, and you've got Ikea's next bookshelf"
That made me laugh so hard.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterjoyfulcanary

@MiA -- A "Scary Boo" to you for penning what I also saw on cake #2 but with clarification. I see two slow but happy ghost sperm with a fertilized zygote that has already begun dividing to one day become to 2 identical ghosts.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChris

I'm not certain if my second comment was sent --- possible hollow skeletons in my computer. But two members of the roving gang of lower-case Ms show up on the "Letterng Done At Pick Up" cake. Scary Boo !!!!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Anyone else see Cassandra from Doctor Who on that last cake? No? Just me? Ok then.


October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterScaperMama

Well done everyone! <clapping>

Happy Scary Boo day! :-)

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJodee in WA

I really wish we had a like button for comments. Haiku Joy - awesome. Sharyn - wonderful as usual, but I did realize that I absolutely do not know the words to Dancing Queen. Wonderful job all around today :)

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMom A

Well, you know, skeletons are hollow...

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnn

...I think I'm with those jack-o-lanterns on the second cake....those ghostly sperms are a bit too happy...

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEmily

For some reason, I've got "The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout" running through my head right now. I can't imagine where it came from...

Sharyn and mel, fantastic adaptations! Haiku Joy, glad that you're back! I hope those on the east coast are safe and sound, and have power right now.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMelindaB

On the 2nd cake: I love how the ghosts look happy and the pumpkins look sad

@Mel - I bow to you. I think Poe would be proud.

"Lettering Done On Pick Up" - hahahaha!!! I think that's my new favorite wreck!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFlower Girl

Happy Lettering Done On Pickup to everyone!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

The second eyeball cake looks kinda like a cell getting ready to split. See, the nucleus has duplicated already!

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJess F

The Ikea bit made me giggle aloud.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterp.j.

Mel, if you came to my door right now, I'd give you all my Hallowee candy. That was a masterpiece!

Now we have sperm ghosts. I give up.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

I thought nothing can surprise me anymore. 'Lettering on Pickup' just had.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKat

The last is a new 3D eyeball. Effective binocular vision for pirates and cyclopean beasties, like Mike Wazowski in "Monsters, Inc." Patent pending.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarkinSF

Bahaha, the third one looks like Jeff Dunham's Achmed.

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

...I see what you did there...I think. If it was intentional. Which I hope it was, because it's one of my favorite quotes.

"He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea."

October 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRaikana

Going to say it. It's Halloween and yup, I'm scared. Guess what bakers...SUCCESS!

November 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdanielle

Another vote for the "Holloween" cake being Achmed the Dead Terrorist. If I had bought that cake, I would be so tempted to shout "I KEEL YOU!" at the baker/decorator.

November 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

Happy Halloween!! Well if the wreckerators don't get frightened by their own creations one day I am going to be shocked. I don't even know what to say to the cake that should look like an eyeball but instead looks like the invisible man needs some visine.. lol. Some of those cakes were kind of cute even if they can't spell halloween.

November 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>