My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Gag Me & Lace Me

[So I was trying to make today's post title a "Cagney & Lacey" pun, but I think I just ended up attracting a whole new demographic to the CW readership. Er. Hi, guys! Welcome! Perhaps the last cake in this post might interest you?]

Loyal wrecky henchperson Amy O. ordered this lovely lace-covered cake from a reputable, "established" bakery for her wedding:

And believe it or not, that lace is actually edible. The ribbons, too. Yep, Ron Ben-Israel is JUST THAT GOOD.

I did a little digging, and the general consensus is that Ron may have used a product called Sugarveil, which pipes like icing but dries flexible, like a net. (John and I got to play with Sugarveil at a cake show once, and it's pretty surreal to pipe something you can then pick up and drape a moment later.)

Anyway, it took me about 10 minutes to figure out how you might go about recreating a similarly lacy look. But hey, I'm not a pro!

As it turns out, the "established" "pros" can figure it out in under 30 seconds:

...right after a quick trip to the fabric store.


Now, if you're wondering how much of what you're seeing is edible, the answer is: well, none of it.  

There could be towels stuffed in there for all we know. C'mon, at least the empty cardboard box had icing on it!

So to get to this cake, you'd first have to untie the ribbons and then peel off the lace from each tier - which were all buttercream? Is that right?

Except it looks like the lace goes under each layer, too, which would require you to disrobe the cake, as it were, from the top down as you serve each tier. Sweet Cagney, this cake's harder to undress than a gal in Victorian underwear*!

Ok, Amy, there's just one last thing I've GOT to know: what did you guys do for the cutting ceremony? Get a pair of scissors?

*I got my first Victorian corset last week, so that's the voice of experience talking. In a high-pitched, gasping-for-air whisper.

UPDATE: Inspired by today's post, John and I decided to do a little "decorating" of our own:

 I wish I could say we were bored and had nothing better to do at the time, but the truth is we stopped far more important things to do this. So in an attempt to justify the last giggle-filled half hour, let's have a contest: Make your own ridiculous fabric cake, post a photo of it on the Cake Wrecks' Facebook page, and I'll send my favorite(s) a free signed copy of Cake Wrecks. Aaaand...GO.

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Reader Comments (61)

Wow. At what point did the baker look at this and thin, "who doesn't want to undress their wedding cake?" Maybe it was a prelude to the wedding night **waggle waggle **

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commentershe-she

you and John crack me up...I love the last "cake". :D

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

Reputable Established Bakery. Remember our motto: "Look, if you didn't want velvet, you should have damasked."

Sung to “Tie A Yellow Ribbon”

We’re getting wed, it’s the right time
Yes, I’m finally going to go and make you mine
So now I think we’d better get a cake for you and me
Reputable Established Bakery made this one you see
For a modest fee.

They’ll tie a bunch of fabric ‘round some cakes for me
If we buy three tiers
Then the ribbon’s free
If we want something better than cloth lumps to see
They’ll overcharge us
And you’ll make a fuss
And put the blame on me
We’ll get off rather cheaply if you’ll just agree.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

And they didn't even fit the lace on *neatly*, for pity's sake! It,s just glommed on, with bits sticking out here and there... Geez Louise, I could *pipe* better-lookin lace icing, even without the magical miracle sugar veil stuff, and I have arthritis in my hands. It would certainly never occur to me to moosh actual lace onto a cake. A ruffle around the bottom edge, maybe; a little old-fashioned nowadays, but bearable.

If that were my wedding cake, let me tell you, hissy fits would have been flying in all directions.

I learned of a lace techinique (not sure if this is the way Ron did his though) where you put the lace on the cake and then spread a thin layer of buttercream over the lace and then remove the lace--using the lace as a stencil. I've never tried to do it though.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdee

About 13 or 14 years ago I DID do a fabric covered cake (I used cardboard hat boxes) & people at the wedding thought it really WAS the wedding cake, even the groom! I wish I could find the photos. I glued the lids to the base above each tier so you could still open each box & put small gifts to the bride & groom inside.
Mine was much prettier than this bakery version- I used white damask fabric, lace, pearls & silk flowers

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

I actually like your cake, John and Jen. It's "artistically messy", the fabric is beautiful, and the tiers are color-coordinated.

The baker of the lace cake needs to start saying, "No, I can't do that", or at least, "Let me research it, and I"ll get back to you."

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea H.

I am laughing so hard that the end table next to my chair is shaking, too. And I'm snorting.

I wish I could have been there and watched the baker put this cake together. And listened to the conversation. At least they did it without mangling the cake!

@Sharyn: Another great song. And your motto! Bwahahahahahah!

I have to go to Nobbies today and get stuff for my niece's baby shower. I know I'm going to giggle my way through the store thinking of this and the other baby cake wrecks. Teeheehee! I'll probably lose it when I walk past the wedding stuff.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

*off to forgo other important chores to make a fabric wreck*

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Poor amy :( her misery is our laughter XD Sharyn you crack me up, and that fabric "cake" bwahahahaha

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

...Because nothing says "wedded bliss" like picking bits of sticky fabric out from between your teeth...

Well, okay, I guess under the correct circumstances, that COULD say "wedded bliss", but this isn't one of those circumstances, dammit.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

"you should have damasked"..... LOL!!! Well done.
And well done Jen and John!!! But hey Amy -- sorry about your messed up wedding cake. Bummer.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

I like the paisley. You people are awesome.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSydney

Today’s post reminds me of the time I took my young nieces, Heather and Gabardine to look for some summer dresses. They didn’t have a lot of money, but didn’t want anything too chintz-y, either. They looked around for a while, but the clock was ticking, so we had to hurry. They found a store that piqued their interest and we flocked to it, but most of the dresses looked pretty lame, and some just creped me out. Prices were so high I felt we were being fleeced. The girls were crushed by the sheer costs – it would be a stretch to buy just one. They were a little down, but I just thought que surah surah. Finally they saw a pile of inexpensive dresses and serged forward. They each found some they liked and asked how many they each could get. I told them tulle do fine. Two would be OK? they asked, and I said it twill (I’m not crewel). We then had lunch, but it was the worsted lunch ever! We had barely sateen down when Heather found a herringbone in her fish sandwich and Gabardine found a houndstooth in her hotdog! I had waffled between the two sandwiches and was glad I went with the French onion soup – though the cheese was hardly melton. It was an exhausting trip – we came from Jersey – and I went home and napped.

PS – today’s post proves it...Cake Wrecks is the true fabric of our society....thanks for the laughter....

PPS – what happened when a man from the planet Tar gets too close to the sun? He gets a Tartan….

@Sharyn: you continue to dazzle us ‘gauze you are sooooo funny!

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermel

The second cake is 'sew' wrong.....

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterThe former CB

That's one of Ron Ben-Israel's cakes? Seriously? Now I see where the "Sweet Genius" title comes from and why all the "chef-testants" on that show are practically falling over themselves to kiss his ring. Though sometimes I think they want to smack him, too. I know I would.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

So, I scrolled down, expecting to see some hideously piped squiggles being passed off lace. I realize now that would have been far more acceptable than this being passed off as an edible cake (or, the wreckerator being passed off as a person with a functioning brain).

I'm so sorry, Amy, and I hope the marriage is more joyful than your wedding cake experience.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTheOneOnTheRight

Do we have to PROVE there's real cake under the fabric?

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergobbler

The ribbons are edible? WOW. They look like silk. That lace. Amazing.

As for the other hideous thing: I'd be hiding under the table cloth, too, if I looked like that!

Gah! I'm at work! The air conditioning is out, so I have no spare pieces of clothing from which to make a fabric cake! Whatever shall I do?!

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Can I email mine to you? Because I, um, don't have Facebook. You can laugh.
Um, you can stop laughing now.
No, I mean it.
You know, I'm leaving if you don't stop laughing.
Oh for the love of--
Listen, just tell me if I can email it. And seriously, STOP.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAyy

I think corsets are fabulous. It would be cool to have a corset cake, but not with actual fabric. I mean, who knows who's touched it , and it's on cake that's meant to be eaten! (I've done too much food service in my life.)

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdoodlebug

The baker obviously hasn't heard of Ron Ben-Israel--also host Food Network's "Sweet Genius"; I can imagine Ron making "cutting" remarks about the wannabe cake! (Ron lives up to the "genius" monicker for sure, but quite frankly his face reminds me of a fetus, heheheh...)

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaisy

Can I just tell you how much I loved the way you did the bad-crop, faded-edges effect on your fabric cake? Oh my gosh, that alone had me rolling. I could practically hear the bad midi-fied version of Canon in D playing in the background like so many "professional" sites I've seen. Awesome.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMai

aw man. That isn't even GOOD lace. You'd think they could at least spring for something that wasn't $5.99 a yard at Jo-Anns.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAl

Wow, just wow. And sad, so sad.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCustom Caker

@Sharyn - that is your best adaptation yet! Love it!

@dee - apparently, this wreckerator left the class before they taught the last step.

I suppose such cakes would be appropriate for a diet wedding. Look, don't eat. And don't look for long, if you value your eyes and your sense of taste (ha!).

Hey, maybe it's stuffed with some monogrammed towels for Aloysius and Serenita Salisbury. ;-)

(If this appears twice, sorry. My connection is feeling feisty today.)

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDB

Re that "other demographic" -- I think we've been here for quite a while, actually. After all, this is a -very- masochistic site (from the reader's side of things, anyway).

I think you're going to get a lot of ludicrous fabric cakes!

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commentermneme

Are we entirely sure that there's cake under there? And if there is, would you even begin not want to eat it?

@Sharyn, you rock. And apparently you country as well.
@Me, you totally wrapped me in fabric puns. That was hilarous


August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBeesMom

Is it possible to ask Amy what they did at the reception? Even if you unwrapped the lace and ribbons and deconstructed the cake, would anyone eat it wondering if the lace was even washed and clean before the wrapped the cake?
Ew on so many levels.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterpagopago

Hi, New here.
Oh, the fun I would have with a fabric cake!!! Let the serging begin.

Sharyn, love all the songs I've seen!!
Lisa, your memory cake sounds like a great idea!

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDeana

I went to the ron Ben Israel site and couldn't find that first lace cake. Did spot a couple of corset cakes though (one under For Her and one under Bling). I do like the pagoda cake. It would have to be a rather bold wedding for that one to be appropriate though (at least in those colors), (it might work for a wedding in a Japanese garden).

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkelticat

I'd type something like "wow, just wow" regarding Amy's cake, but I think my son said it best "Mum, there's creative and then there's wrong. That is wrong. And sad."

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterD

Hey, It's just the precurser to the inevitable blanket cake for the baby shower.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarcia

Where did you get your corset from? I sooooo totally want a corset.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoni

Bahaha! Game on! :D

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterStoich91

@Pagopago, YES that's what I was thinking too--let's see, first the lace was put on a bolt at the factory (it has some sort of sizing on it), then HANDS unwrapped it at the fabric store, and HANDS laid t on a dirty TABLE to be cut with dirty FABRIC SCISSORS...bleeech!!!

Plus, who ever thought that would be acceptable???

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLetitia

(Pleading) PLEEEEEEEEEEASE share the fabric cakes!
I'd say "Pretty Please..." but that doesn't really apply to this cake... and probably won't apply to the cakes that are submitted, either.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commentersqrlhrdr

What do you take me for, some kind of (seer)sucker? I've always felt that textiles and food do not mix. Frankly, I don't cotton to these at all.

The 'Reputable Established Bakery' one is cute and quirky, but the second one? Who had the notion that they could pull that off? Needles to say, I hope there isn't a pattern developing here.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I love the idea of Sugarveil. That is seriously awesome. Now I want it just to play with it. :p

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAdorablyDead

Well my grand accomplishment today was making a fabric cake. Thank you, Jen, for giving me one more excuse not to do housework! lol

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNatasha

From the title I was so hoping for a '50 shades of grey' post, but this was hilarious as always.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRose Cull

FINALLY! A use for all those fabric scraps I've been saving!

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDSmo

Ick, I don't like lace on my cloths much less my cakes. I love your material cake though, I think it is the best one there. lol

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTerrie

You KNOW someone will make an actual cake out of your last wreck there, now, right?

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdonna

@Sharyn - can I be just like you when I grow up?

You know the saddest thing about this post, Jen? That your fabric cake looks better than most of the wedding wrecks you've shown us over the years.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

I can't believe I didn't think of this until now...

Sung to “Material Girl” by Madonna

Sometimes floral, sometimes stripy
I like both OK
If I can’t wrap my cakes in fabric
I just walk away.

Can’t pipe frosting or knead fondant
Never turns out right. (Not right.)
Just give me a couple yards and
I’ll wrap cakes up tight, ‘cause I am

Making wrapped-in-material cake
Not gonna try to frost what I bake
You know that I like making wrapped-in-material cake
I’m telling you it’s not a mistake.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

A cake that's just nothing but ribbons, lace, and cardboard would be even worse.

August 3, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPrudynce

Oh boy. I wonder what the bride did when she saw that catastrophe of a cake.. I can imagine someone being attacked by lace. What on earth did they think they were doing? That entire cake I hope was edible after all the unwrapping. I do hope the poor bride got her money back though.

August 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

Joni, check out they have an AMAZING range
If I've typed that wrong just search for fairygothmother

August 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFran

"Reputable Established Bakery" hehehehe.

August 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAmbee

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