My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

John's Final Straw















Thanks to Natalia R., Anony M., Sandra B., Lisa S., and Vicky G. for sparking the idea.

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Reader Comments (54)

Poor John. All you need now are sticks and marshmallows, and maybe some graham crackers and chocolate.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

no comment.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Hey, SOMEbody had to take a stand. (And no, I will NOT say, "And I don't mean a CAKE STAND, either..LOL."--because that would be SO TACKY...) =^-.-^=

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

They can't all be professional cakes. Please, there is no way that number 2 could be real...please.?? And number 4- it looks like the ginger bread house my 7 year old decorated after a rough car ride- gumballs flying all over the place.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebVet

I can see how John feels that way some days, after reviewing these piles of frosting/messes. I'm just surprised it hasn't happened soon...

glad your house didn't burn down (did it?)

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermn_me

To be honest, I'm surprised you lasted that long!

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

John, you missed your calling in the graphic arts :)

[Editor's note- You're very kind. However, I didn't draw these, I just tweaked them a bit. They're from an anonymous comic gif online and, though I tried to find a source, I never found one. If anyone knows, let me know and I'll update the post with a credit. Thanks and Wreck On! -john (thoJ)]

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJael

I prefer a shotgun to a sledgehammer and gasoline.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercatspaw66

John, the crazed look in your eyes somewhat resembles the boils on that tilting tumor cake. Coincidence? (I think not.)

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAngela

I can totally relate, John.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Hahahhaa i would have done the same thing if I were you :D

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

HAH! Fantastic!

Those cakes are truly stomach-churning, but somehow I still managed to get hungry for cheese puffs when I saw the last panel.

Awesome art work, John. My favorite part is the *plink* moment.


December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKW

What's with the bride and groom figures with the huge black eyes on the third cake? I think that they're the scairiest part of the cake (and that's saying something!)

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSue M

Cake one: plastic ‘n’ plaster…..

Cake two: So then Cinderella and the Prince went skiing on their honeymoon, only to be lost in an avalanche….

Cake three is a post-modern wedding cake depicting the predicted death of love and marriage as represented by the skeletal bride and groom. The carefully placed fruit adds a mocking tone through the dichotomy of live fruit/dead institution, and has a barely perceptible subtle ironic undertone, echoing the old saying from the 1920’s: it’s the berries. Romance is dead, declares this cake, visually pointing to a symbolic cause revealed by looking at the cake’s lower border. Here we see that the flowers do not quite completely join to encircle the cake; there are no more flowers. The significance is clear, and all but sings the raison d’etre for the death of romance: you don’t bring me flowers anymore. Yet, for those willing to look, there is hope. While the green tufts of grass may seem out of place in this maelstrom of romantic desolation, they are carefully constructed bits of optimism. Not just any grass, they are leaves of marram grass, also known as beach grass, found on the ocean’s shores. Here the decorator hints at hope: as life is said by some to have come from the sea, perhaps romance will reemerge from there, too.

Cake four is a snapshot of the couple’s view on both their cake and their marriage. The careful placement of the cake in front of the fireplace says it clearly: it soots us….

Cake five touched a toad….

@john(thoJ): well done...we feel your pain....but, ironically, laughter is the best medicine...

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

John, is this your artwork? So awesome. I am genuinely impressed with the emotion conveyed by essentially a smiley-face stick-figure.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

Ahhh... john (thoJ) and his fu man chu mustache strike again. ;-)

At first I thought the 3rd one had prunes on it. Upon closer inspection they appear to be blackberries. Maybe prunes would have helped?

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Someone more talented than me needs, yes NEEDS, to make those drawings into an animated gif. Help me, internet, you're my only hope.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJessica H

At least the cake topper on the third wreck was cute...

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

Not Cool. Not Cool At All. Making me laugh so hard I cry. I'm at work and my mascara is running. Now how am I supposed to explain that?

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRaDonna Murner

Kind of a love hate relationship with the posts that with each picture I wonder how much worse it can get… then I scroll.


December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

I like the sound of a good *plink*. :D

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

I was positive that #4 was going to turn out to be one of those samples that some bakeries put in their windows and forget to remove at the end of the day decade.

I'm so sad that John (husband of Jen) will never see this (having torched his computer), but I fully understand. There are times you just have to blame the messenger.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJane

Sometimes, you just don't need words.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJen

The "final straw" has a HIDDEN Mickey! (Not sure if that makes it better or worse!?!?)

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTink*

The *plink* made that whole series of pictures. Really. I too am surprised that John has lasted this long. Blessings on your head for your patience, John. :-)

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Looks like someone needs a hug...or maybe some marshmallows to toast on that fire. Poor John.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJade

The sound of a mind breaking is *plink*

Who knew??!! :D

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLiz Wilkinson

Very fun day! Love the creativity - not the cakes, silly!

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

(plink) Love it.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeAnn

Maybe... the fugly cakes are normal and the pretty ones are wrong, just like that Twilight Zone episode "Eye of the Beholder".

Yes, I did watch the TZ Marathon all day long on Thanksgiving, why do you ask?

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJose

Someone remide these brides/grooms they get what they pay for. these are horrid

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterlizzy

This is what was in my mind after each cake:
1- Ugh, really? How.
2- That cake is just.. unacceptable.
3- Why do the bride and groom look weird? Wait... THEY'RE SKELLYBUNS!
4- If it were a little less.. flat... and lumpy... and glittery... and weird... and better worked on, it could be a little close to socially acceptable. A little close.
5- WAT.

Love how he just goes *plink* and gets derpy.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenter-Unknown-

We all suspected it would happen someday. The surprise is that John didn't snap sooner! Also, someone want to call the baker and tell them those little cotton puffballs are meant for sweaters, NOT cakes?

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterE. Anne

Bravo, John, Bravo!!!!!!!!

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWildDuck

(With apologies to t.s.elliot...)
this is the way the wreck ends
this is the way the wreck ends
this is the way the wreck ends
not with a bang OR a whimper,
but with a conflagration!

[John-I wish there'd been a disclaimer stating that no one was hurt during the making of your post!]

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I think the cartoons are from Cyanide and Happiness.

[Editor's note- I checked because I thought so, too. As far as I can tell, though, they're not. Huh. -john]

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa

This sort of reminds me of "Hyperbole and a Half" I half-expected to see at the bottom that Allie Brosh had guest-written/drawn the post. (But then the eyes would be buggier and there would probably be more mayhem, possibly involving dogs) Now, THAT would be an awesome post (not that you aren't awesome, john [thoj], but....)

BTW, did you know that Allie has a new book out (called "Hyperbole and a Half")? It is so hysterically funny that, despite its being about an inch and a half thick, I read it in a day and a half. Well, there are a lot of drawings. "The God of Cake" is in there, too.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSaraCVT

C'mon, now, tell the truth - Cake (?) #2 is actually frosted with grout, applied with the fingers, right???? Urk.

I swear, I have transported home-baked buttercreamed cakes hundreds of miles, over rutted dirt roads, and not one of them wound up looking as awful as these. John (thoJ), I don't blame your mind one BIT for plinking. Mine would, too! In fact... ooh, look - there's a piece now, scuttling across the rug! Quick, catch it! I might need to give that piece to someone someday....

Did the last one have fuzzy yarn balls on it?

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren took BALLS?

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth Kay

If you scroll down fast enough, it almost looks animated....

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTiggerintn

Sadly #2 was all too real. My husband has a small home based business where he does catering and baking. This was made by him and he says there was nothing wrong with it.....back!

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterandrea

Kill it!!!! Kill it with fire!!

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFuchsia70

Store your cake wisely.
Magnetic mothballs are best
to ensure freshness.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

For the fourth cake, had I been there I would have "accidentally" tripped and fallen against the table pushing the cake into the fireplace. That would have been awesome! There is just no excuse for any of these wrecks. John, I would have done the same thing.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

Dear John (because I've always wanted to write that!):

May I please borrow your wonderful cartoons? I can really use them. I've been trying to apply for health insurance on since the site went live, and I'm still not finished. My insurance company is pulling out of my state on Dec. 31, and if I don't get this finished by Dec. 23, I am screwed. Unfortunately, they still have not verified my identity, so I don't think my chances look good.

I promise I will not tell the Secret Service where I got the cartoons. So pretty please, can I use them?

Nervous Nellie in Nebraska

P.S. Not even in my worst nightmare have I made a cake that looked as bad as cake no. 2.

December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC


December 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterColleen Van

sometimes i just can't bear to look at these cakewrecks, so i can't imagine have to look though who knows how many pictures to find ones to post.

December 3, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterarchersangel

Oh man my brain was gone after the Cinderella catastrophe. She must have fallen into the frosting and drowned. Poor thing. Wow..just wow. And how on earth did these wreckerators get these cakes so horribly wrong??

December 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

@Tink* - darn it, you beat me! Though, if you stretch the definition a bit, I think I found 3 hidden Mickeys in that last cake.

@mel - Wondrous commenting! :-)

@Haiku Joy - <giggle-snort!>

@John(thoj) - Thank goodness it's CyberMonday. Should be able to find a replacement superfast & supercheap! ;-)

December 3, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarate Lady

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