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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

The Yuletide is Coming In

Now that it's almost Christmas, bakeries are working hard to make all their designs more "season-appropriate."

Which is why you can now find, for example, the army toys attacking giant poinsettias:

"Call in backup! We need more silly string!"


And flotsam-bedecked "Christmas guitars":

"Oh Oh Oh" is right.


And of course, that perennial holiday favorite:

The Puppy-Pecking Parasite of Pastries Past!

It's a deer tick.


Oh, c'mon, quit groaning: that was freaking brilliant on my part.


Heather M., Melissa G., & Jessica L., do you suppose they used "sugar doe" to make it?

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Reader Comments (38)

Sung to "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"

Mocking around the Christmas treats
At my local corner shop
Cake wrecks all placed where you can see
Some of them make my jaw drop.

Mocking around the Christmas treats
Thinking, "Is that silly string?"
The cake is neither deep nor wise
The baker's a ding-a-ling

You might get a wee judgmental feeling when you're near.
Oh, oh, oh! It makes me jolly. "Look! Flotsam Guitar of Folly!

Mocking around the Christmas treats
Make the deer tick* go away
I approach these treats warily
What a mind-numbing array!

*"Deer tick." You're right -- utterly freaking brilliant.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I guess I'm easily amused. "Deer tick" made me laugh. :D

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

I'm chortling. You totally made my day even better!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElissa

I'm glad 3/4 of the office is on vacation today. The strangled chortles coming from my cube would have drawn stares. Love it!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

The saddest thing to me on the guitar cake is that one of the "Ho Ho Ho"s is right side up...

Merry Christmas to Jen, John (thoj), and all you readers out there! I hope you have a wonderful and safe holiday!

I wonder if the last one is lime flavored from the disease the deer tick carries....

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermiss_paper

#1 looks like a pile of holiday poop!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEileen

"deer tick". {snicker} {snort}

Merry Christmas to my favorite blog, and the commentators that I have grown to love.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie

Jen that was freakin' brilliant, and freakin' hysterical! (What's up with that white thing anyway? Mountain? If that's a dog, why is its nose on the floor like that?)

Sharyn, you amaze as always!

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSomethingWiccanthiswaycomes

Bwahahahahahaha!!! "Deer tick"
Oh, what awful, wonderful, wacky wrecks!
Oh Oh Ho and Merry Christmas!!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Needed to stop by here to kick my day off with some Joy. The holiday may now commence.

Merry Christmas to all.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

To the flotsam-loaded CCC wrecker: "Uh, you're gonna need a bigger CCC, dude!"

Deer tick, ahahahahaha, hee! And, eewww.

Healthy, happy holiday wishes to Jen, John, their Cake Wreck elves, and readers! I never miss a day chuckling and/or flat-out snorting with laughter here. And ain't that what it's all about now? THANK YOU!!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoanie B

A Family Christmas Eve Visit to the Wrecked Cakes Bakery

Said the little girl to her brother dear
Do you see what I see?
(Do you see what I see?)
Way up on that shelf brother dear
Do you see what I see?
(Do you see what I see?)
A cake, a cake
Giving me a fright
Looks like I won’t sleep well tonight
Looks like I won’t sleep well tonight

Said the brother dear to his Mommy there
Do you hear what I hear?
(Do you hear what I hear?)
Look upon that shelf Mommy, there
Do you hear what I hear?
(Do you hear what I hear?)
A scream, a scream
Coming from my soul
I’ll be kneeling o’er the toilet bowl
I’ll be kneeling o’er the toilet bowl

Said the mother to the Dad standing there
Do you know what I know?
(Do you know what I know?)
We’re in bakery hell I declare
Do you know what I know?
(Do you know what I know?)
Our kids, our kids,
Shivering in fear
Let us get them quickly from here
Let us get them quickly from here

Said the Dad to the people everywhere
Listen to what I say
Abandon Hope all who enter here
Listen to what I say
These cakes, these cakes
Will give your children frights
Leave as fast as you can tonight
Leave as fast as you can tonight

* * * * * *

Dear Fellow Wreckies: As Monty Python would say, now for something completely different. The following has nothing to do with cakes, and has no bad jokes or puns; it’s just a reflection on a recent event, offered in the spirit of whatever event you celebrate this season – from Chanukah to Solstice to Bodhi Day to Christmas to Kwanzaa – that promotes peace, love, renewal and hope…

I was a visiting Santa for an in-home daycare today, and what a fun experience that was. As I entered the room, filled with young children, cries of “I saw you at the Mall” rang out. I read “The Night Before Christmas” and then handed out gifts that the daycare owner provided as each child sat on my lap for a picture. The kids loved their gifts and several asked “How did you know I wanted this?” as they thanked me. Then the real fun began. For the next half hour or so, it was non-stop questions as the kids gathered around to touch the “fur” on my suit or hug me. One little girl asked all kinds of questions, and after each answer she clasped her hands together and said excitedly, “I knew that! I knew that!” A four year old wanted to know how I got out of my suit. Several wondered if the reindeer liked glitter (they do). Do the reindeer like large or small carrot? (Both.) A young literary scholar wanted to know why Rudolph isn’t mentioned in the poem “The Night Before Christmas.” Where were the reindeer? (Visiting friends in the area.) Where was the sleigh? (At the North Pole being loaded with toys for the upcoming trip.) Well, then, how did I get around? (Rented a car.) What makes the sleigh go? (The magic of Christmas.) How old am I? (As old as spirit of Christmas.) How come your beard’s shorter than in the pictures? (Because if it’s longer, when I fly out on Christmas Eve the snow gets caught in it and then it might melt and drip on your floor when I bring your presents.) Can I go with you when you deliver the presents? (There are so many toys on the sleigh there isn’t room for anyone else.) Several children wanted me to tell them their name and where they lived. (I can’t do that with other people present – it’s a matter of confidentiality.) Then the BIG question made its appearance: Am I on the Naughty or the Nice list? (You’re on the Nice list.) What about so and so…he’s naughty. (He’s being nicer, so he’s on the Nice list, too.) And what about this person and that person? (All on the Nice list.) Satisfied they had all secured a place on the Nice list, they went off to another room to play. It was time to go, so I bid them a Merry Christmas and slipped out.

Sometimes I wonder where the world is headed, but today, surrounded by the wonder and the curiosity and the magic that is childhood, I was reminded that it’ll be O.K. And, as my young friend said, “I knew that. I knew that.”

* * * *

Happy Holidays to all!
(and yes, Jen, "deer tick" was "freaking brilliant"!)

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

Merry Christmas to my absolute favorite bloggers in all of Internet-land! You make me smile, laugh, snort,guffaw and pee myself (oops TMI) with every post. Love you!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

Wow. I was looking at it ALL wrong. On the deer-tick dog, I first saw the nose as an outstretched, right front leg with a black foot, and the left eye as a black nose. It's facing toward us, but it can't see because the long fur has flopped over its eyes. Does ANYONE else see that? ((deafening silence))
As for the elk/deer/caribou/whatever-thing: I guess it just felt like taking a hike, maybe trying to get a better view of where the HELL it is. I mean, besides being stuck in a plastic box, on top of a sticky mop head. All in all, what could possibly be Christmasier? Christmassier? Christmassy-er--Bah! Humbug! =^-.-^=

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Sharyn and mel ahahaha :D Jen as always thanks for the giggles :D

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Happy Christmas, CW team! Thanks for the giggles and chortles this year.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

I am still wiping away the tears from the "ho ho ho" flotsam being placed upside down. I mean, it's one thing when you write it wrong with frosting. But you can't even spell a two-letter word correctly when it's already spelled out for you?

And yes, Jen, deer tick was freakin' brilliant. So was the fact that they included little frosting poo spots with the cake as an added bonus feature.

Sharyn: brilliant as always. And mel, loved your song too. But your story takes the cake. What a wonderful gift to have all those answers prepared to bring the wonder of Christmas to these kids.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

"deer tick"!!!!! Absolutely, freaking brilliant!!!! 😊😁😄😃

Merry Christmas to all & to all, a good night!! 😊😁😄😃

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranony mouse

@mel: Oh, my...what a wonderful story! That was so beautiful and touching that tears came into my eyes! (I love when that happens for happy, magical reasons!) You made my day!!! =^~.~^=

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Merry Christmas to my Cake Wrecks family. Thank you all for giving me the gift of laughter every day of the year! Hope you all have a wonderful holiday, or if you don't celebrate this particular festivity, a wonderful day of peace & beautiful baked goods!
@mel... You brought a tear of heart-felt holiday joy to my eye. Thanks, Santa. :)

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMovieMom

Sharyn - Brenda Lee's voice sang your song in my head and it was spectacular!

"Deer tick" - now that's funny!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMom A

Sharyn and Mel, awesome songs by both of you! And beautiful story, Mel. Merry Christmas, everyone!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

@mel: Fantastic story. You're the best.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

"deer tick" Yep, brilliant!!!

@Sharyn ~ Thanks for another earworm lady! ;-)

@mel ~ I really love stories like that. Yesterday I was at the store grabbing some last minute stocking stuffers and there was a little girl about 3 dragging her mom around the store so she could say Merry Christmas to everyone. It was just exactly what I needed to hear with all the hustle and bustle and craziness going on. Bless you and your Santa beard for keeping the magic alive just a little longer.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Yes, Jen, freakin' brilliant! Thanks to all you regulars who make this a wonderful place. Merry Christmas!
To Emily of Aunties M&Em, thanks for pointing out that one of the HO HO HO's was right side up. I hadn't noticed that. It does make it sadder -- it's not that they can't read: they just don't care!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterbirdergirl

Oh, so that's what they mean when people talk about the war on Christmas! I'm glad there's a cake to illustrate this concept.

Deer tick. Heh!

@mel: You sound like an awesome Santa. Keep up the good work!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Now, remember, if you develop a red rash after eating the last cake, start taking antibiotics immediately.

Though, actually, perhaps you should do that after eating any of these.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl

@mel: What Sharyn said.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEla

I'll be right back...I've got to go check my dog for deer ticks. Question: Do I shoot them or just pick them up by their tiny little antlers? The upside is, if I find any they'll make some freakin' cute miniature head mounts! Not much meat on them though. Oh wait, is it deer tick season or would I be poaching? But is it considered poaching if they are on your own personal dog or only if you pick them off other people's dogs? Do I need a permit? Wow, there is so much to learn about deer ticks!
Thanks Jen!
Merry Christmas everyone!

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered Commentersandy

@mel, I've been very naughty; can I sit on your lap? ;) All kidding aside, I just loved your story -- especially your answers to some very thoughtful questions. You are DEFINITELY on the nice list! <sniiiffff, darn reindeer glitter!>

@sharyn -- I doff my chapeau to your brilliance.

To Jen (deer tick! giggle-snort!), john, the CW team, Theardare, and wreckers everywhere: peace.

December 24, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterZippy

Lol such a lovely bunch of wrecks for Christmas Eve. Wishing you a very Merry Christmas I am sure more wrecks await us soon :D.

December 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterArlene

I completely heard "Oh, c'mon, quit groaning: that was freaking brilliant on my part." in David Tennant's voice in my head. ;-P

Merry Christmas, everyone!

December 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarasu

Deer tick, brilliantly punny.

Please, people, give the wreckerator some credit: the "oh, oh, oh" would read "ho, ho, ho" to anyone looking at the cake from the other side. Some cakes are not just to be seen from one angle, but, on the whole, this cake would be best observed in a closed white cardboard box.

December 25, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

@mindy1, TLC, sendingtheclowns, MovieMom, Cynthia, Sharyn, Jodee, pikkewyntjie, Ela, and Zippy: thank you for your kind comments.

December 25, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

@sendingtheclowns - yep, I can see that, definitely. It's almost a better cake that way, except for the other missing legs and the deer tick. (Jen is right, she's brilliant. But we knew that already.) As for the spots, maybe they're pawprints? But how does a dog with no feet (or only one) leave all those prints?

@mel - sounds like Santa did his homework ahead of time so he'd be prepared...or are you just good with answers-on-the-fly?

December 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterhyphen8

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

You don't have to throw
Some more pine cones ...

December 26, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNot even anonymouse

@hyphen8: some of each. I've been portraying Santa for many years, so some questions I hear frequently -- where are the reindeer -- so I generally have an answer for those; but some questions are unique -- do the reindeer like glitter -- so I respond "on-the-fly". There usually is a mix of traditional questions and new ones, and that's what makes it fun.

December 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermel

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