My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Help Me, Princess Bride; You're My Only Hope

There are times when I get wrecks SO baffling that even I don't know what they're supposed to be.

During these times, I turn to The Princess Bride for help.


"Do you hear that? Those are the shrieking eels."

"That is the sound of ultimate suffering. The man in black makes it now."

(He's just over there, screaming at the mixer.)


"The chocolate coating helps it go down easier."

(We hope.)

 "I've just sucked one year of your life away."


"It's the PIT of DESPAAAAIR."


"I'm not saying I'd build a summer home here, but the trees are really quite lovely." 


And, of course:

"You ARE the Brute Squad!"


Thanks to Jackie K., Victoria E., Hopkin, Amy J., Lena C., Stephanie, and Amy B. for the inconceivably good time.

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Reader Comments (128)

They defy all logic and explanation O_o

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

I would buy the last cake for the Skittles.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElphaba

After much gnashing of teeth, I've figured out the second cake. It says Happy RipeH->AAY R()bbLe. I'm so happy for Robble. It's not every Ripe Day that you get such a beautiful cake.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTK421

I guess I now know who stole all my pain meds!!!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah D

I...what?? o_O Like mindy1 said...defy ALL logic and explanation!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda H.

I do not think those cakes mean what you think they mean.

As you wish.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

I kinda want to give Sad Faced Melting Poop Bunny his own TV show. Or at least I think that is what that is. Up next on Sad Faced Melting Poop Bunny... No? Just me? Dang.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHolly Folly

Did the last baker just run out of time or why didn't he take the Skittles out of the bag? Or did he put them there as an afterthought - an alternative if the cookie doesn't taste good?

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMiA

I just watched it yesterday with my kids. I am trying to convince my four year old son to dress up as the man in black and dress my daughter as Buttercup, but my son is still a little confused by the whole thing and keeps asking is that the black man?

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

Sung to "Storybook Love" (The "Princess Bride" theme)

Come, my friends, I'll tell you a tale
Of bakery cakes and their back story
How eels on ravioli shriek so much
How Robbie's piper made such a mess
That chocolate coating will go down just fine
Bloody Emily's feeling vexed
The tarry pit prob'ly makes you balk
Are those three pimply cacti -- who would have guessed?

That poor brute needs a wrecky cake story
One that's as real as those tubular eels
Let's bask in all this wrecky cake glory
And all the feelings that they make us feel
Sometimes we just want to shriek like eels.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Cake 5: upside down duck's head silhouette, with commemorative white ribbon. "Remember last year when you attempted to make duck a l'orange and caught the kitchen on fire? Well, I've made you a cake to commemorate your first and last attempt to cook."

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

Logic? We don't need no stinkin' logic.

#1 A sad tribute to the trees of the North West coast ruined by the Spruce Beetle larva.

#2 "Oh, no! We used up all the dark green frosting in the tube! Drag it through the letters to try to make it last longer!"

#3 Turned sideways, it looks like Boo Boo Bear sneaking off with a pick-a-nik basket under his fur. (That's why you can't see it)

#4 THAT"S where all the dark green icing went!

#5 I'm sorry, but I won't wear a cream cheese tuxedo no matter how much you pay me. (cute bow, though)

#6 Celebration of the cactus fruit harvest.

#7 "Ok, young bakers, here's what to do with any old left-over icing and a package of candy some kid dropped on the floor in front of the display caseā€¦"

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Sad Faced Melting Poop Bunny? I thought it was a Cycloptic Melting Poop Horse with Diminished Mane and Tail Disorder and Detachable Leg Syndrome (the much much worse cousin of Restless Leg Syndrome where the legs actually get so restless they go walk about on their own.).

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

That first very....male. Just sayin'.

And I'm glad the tuxedo cake was labeled. I thought they were celebrating an oil spill or something.

I think I need more coffee.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMyra

These cakes make me feel like I've been mostly dead all day.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCookieD'oh

Thank goodness I have been slowly making myself immune to wrecked cakes over the past year. These don't affect me at all.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

LIAR! LIAARRRR! Those aren't cakes, they're wrecks - and after what I've just seen, I'm not sure I even want to be a customer anymore!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPauline

This post just confirms my belief that quotes from The Princess Bride can be applied to any situation. (And they will usually make that situatioin better!)

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDawn B

Once again proving that Princess Bride is ALWAYS the correct answer.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

@Tricia: You took the words out of our mouths!
Great post Jen!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Really, If poor Emily is suffering from a Gastro-intestinal bleed (hence the black tarry stool) AND frank blood (perhaps a bleeding Hemorrhoid) The last thing she needs is a cake illustrating her ills.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentermimi

And today shall be forever known as Ripe Day! Thanks for translating @TK421 :-)

@Sharyn ~ Really, that's the only choice for the song today. Well done my friend!

I really need to know what that black thing is supposed to be on poor Emily's cake. Really guys, I need to know what that thing is. I have a horrible feeling it will be haunting me in my nightmares tonight and I'd really like to be prepared.

At least the blue on the Tuxedo Cake is a pretty color. Not a color I want to ingest but I'd be ok if the trim on my house was that color.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

What *are* the plastic pieces on the first cake? They look sorta-kinda like severed doll limbs, but not exactly. It would make a kind of sense to use the legs from Barbies, because the Barbies stuck into Barbie cakes don't really need their legs, but I don't think that's it.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

@Holly Folly and @Katherine, you've both got it wrong. It's obviously a mangled labrador retriever bleeding on the cake. Oh wait--you guys were talking about cake #4, right? The one that commemorates Emily's former pet dog? Because if you're talking about the last one, it's what happens to you when you eat three 8" cream cheese tuxedos. You turn into the 24 Beast.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterFM

If the "Pit of Despair" cake is supposed to be a "Glimpse Into R'lyeh" cake, it's actually quite brilliant.

Otherwise, not so much.

Either that, or I failed my Sanity check...

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma

@Elphaba- You know you can just buy Skittles, right? Of course, then the bag wouldn't be all sticky and greasy...
Love Princess Bride! Just last week I used the quote "I've just sucked one year of your life away" on my husband's anniversary card. Thankfully, he found it funny.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Okay, what the hell IS that first one? I seriously cannot figure it out.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShivers

I understand Princess Bride. I don't understand these cakes. Best advise for people who purchase them--scrape off ALL the icing and just eat the cake. (I would be afraid to eat any icing that looks like that.)

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

The last one is celebrating one of the Seahawks football players, whose mother would reward him with Skittles, and he still does it for himself now. He eats them on the sideline after a good play.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterfooeyfoo

I was already having a pretty good day; this just made it better. :)
I'm surprised you didn't caption the last one with, "Dear God, what is that THING?!?" because that was my reaction. o_O

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Ok, I vote silk worms on mulberry leaves for the first one. But what are they doing disgorging themselves from a giant tongue?

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHappy Camper

@Myra: I thought the first cake looked like little man parts. Either that or severed fingers. Can't decide.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterdutchgirl

I don't know about anyone else...but on that first one, all I can see are the insides of a tauntaun!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

Shoelaces float up.
We should eat lightning sand cakes,
not vice versa.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Yes, they all defy explanation, but the first one does it on a whole other level.

In zis sculpture by ze underground artist Glen Orglenda, ve find an extensive metaphor for ze sekshul confusion. Notice how ze male appendiches burst through ze female orifice, not from ze outside, but from vithin! Zey are accompanied by trampled, ineffectual fig leafs as a mockery of ze censorship policies vhich kept ze artist's vork from being exhibited during hir lifetime.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

I was scrolling down going, "No clue, no clue," then reached cake #5 and brightened. The piping is totally Cthulhu! (on?) a tux, apparently. Which caused a bit of head-scratching, but hey, who says a god of destruction and despair can't dress snappy?

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Helms

@dutchgirl I'm glad I'm not the only one. And if you enlarge the picture, it just gets worse.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMyra

I think the cupcake cake is meant to be the Gingerbread Man, which may be why they had to stick a sign on it attesting to the fact that it's "chocolate". I think the first one is meant to be a sandwich of some kind, but it's nothing I'd ever consider eating.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine Raymond



...umm, 'Kay...

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDPL

Perhaps the chocolate one is an R.O.U.S. = Rodent of Unusual Size. Although I don't think they exist. :)

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

My eyes can't unsee the first cake.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Grey macaroni or (ahem) male bits and mint leaves oozing out of a red tuxedo jacket??? Makes perfect sense to me ...

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathy R

Uncircumsized penises on a bed of lettuce bursting forth from a red velvet tuxedo jacket. It couldn't possibly be more clear...

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commentertuesy

I think (possibly) that the first one is a hairy man's chest in a v-neck shirt. That's the best I can do!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChelle B.

Well I can give some insight into number 7!! Being a seattleite I instantly recognized it as a wannabe seahawks cake! The eye is almost sort of kind of like the eye of the seahawks logo. Number 24 is Marshawn Lynch who is known for his "beast mode" hence the feed the beast. What skittles has to do with any of that, or what the blue blob is really supposed to be, I have no clue.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRachel Jones

The last wreck is for a fan of the Seahawks' Marshawn Lynch aka "The Beast". His favorite candies guessed it - Skittles. People throw them at him whenever he scores a touchdown. Still a pretty awful wreck, though.

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJeff

the pit of despair one.....its original title of 8" cream cheese tuxedo had me giggling. there should be a band with that name! "And now....introducingggggg....the Cream Cheese Tuxedos performing their latest hit "Its not a Pit of Despair, its a Seed of Loneliness"!

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterErica

Is it strange that I think the first cake kinda resembles a vagina?

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChichifroglegs

Please, could you tell us what the 1st one was supposed to be?! It's haunting me.......

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCory

I'm still trying to figure out why that first cake is covered with uncut male parts. Was it maybe a cake for a bris?

June 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

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