My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Graduate! Celebrate! "Decorate!"

If you're still planning a party for the graduate in your life, then these bakeries would like you to know that they are ready and willing to provide a whole host of graduation-appropriate cake designs...

On Styrofoam.

Sure, it tends to stick in the molars a bit, but it's extremely low in fat.

NOTE TO BAKERS: Icing tends to slide off of Styrofoam when displayed at an angle.

NOTE TO CUSTOMERS: Regard all cakes stored flat with extreme suspicion from now on.


If for some reason you feel compelled to have a photo of your grad on the cake, then this bakery obliges with either a traditional, "boring," photo, or the hip new "green-out silhouette" option:

Also great for grads in the Witness Protection Program!


And for those customers who may become confused, thinking they have to purchase a cake with someone else's photo on it, this bakery provides a helpful clarification:

Congrats! You spelled "your" wrong!


But suppose your grad is spiritually inclined? How do you tastefully incorporate his or her religious views into a graduation cake? Well, this bakery shows us how...

...not to do it.


And lastly, this bakery wants you to send your graduate a really heartfelt message.

Specifically: "Your face looks like a butt."

Oh, and "your cap is ridiculous, with its teensy little robot arm."


Victoria W., Maya J., Denise R., Leanna P., and Patricia B., "you're thanks here."


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Reader Comments (34)

Thank you, now I finally know what an ass hat looks like...

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B

Bad Cake Circumstance (Edward Hellgar)
(This is much better with a full orchestra)

I ordered a nice cake for commencement day
I didn’t expect the words to slide away
I wished to express my ree-ligious beliefs
But that got too crowded with plastic “motifs” (boom, boom, boom)
Perhaps a pho-to cake will cause me less grief
I look like a butt-face, my picture’s not fine
I’ll put you’re photo right here, in place of mine
It’s just an outline shaped like your big head
Printed on some paper they say you can ed (it’s ed ible)
Maybe I’ll skip the cake and have pie instead

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

No, Jen. You ARE the photo.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBorg

First I was laughing pretty hard at "teensy little robot arm." Then, I read Caroline B's comment and nearly choked laughing!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

"Your face looks like a butt." O!MY!G! I laughed "O L" at that!!!
And @Caroline B: perfect! (Now I can picture, whatever THAT is, instead of just being annoyed, because I've never known what an ass hat is, either. But apparently they're knitted. =^e.e^=

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Giggling along to the post as usual... get to Caroline B's comment and spit my drink all over my keyboard. Thanks!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDegera

@Caroline B -- You win! No one could beat your comment today. I'm still grinning as I type this!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjust me

Oh! That last one!!! And your comments, as always, are hilarious.
I had already swallowed my coffee. I know better than to have a mouthful when I come to this site.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Well sample cakes (the ones in the display case) built on foam are pretty common. I worked in an ice cream shop where we also did ice cream cakes and the sample ones were just so you could pick a design. They were only changed when they got old and started to crack. The frosting was made of whipped cream, sugar, vanilla, and food coloring so they were kept in a frezer case and you could wash the frosting off with hot water when it was time to redo one.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
When you put frosting on Styrofoam, the more you slip sliding away

Whoah and I know a grad, he came from my hometown
He accidently saw a heinous crime going down
He said help me, I live in fear
My life’s not worth a nickel now, You gotta make me disappear

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
When you put frosting on Styrofoam, the more you slip sliding away

I know a woman, (who) became confused
She noticed other graduates pictures had already been used
She said a bad cake looks like someone else
She said a good cake would emulate myself
And I think you should use a picture that I choose

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
When you put frosting on Styrofoam, the more you slip sliding away

And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all ways he was spiritually inclined
He used a cake just to explain
He covered it with flotsam and signs
Until the cake looked like it was under religious strain

Slip sliding away, slip sliding away
When you put frosting on Styrofoam, the more you slip sliding away

Whoah grads only knows, grads must be kind
How do you tell someone their face looks like a behind
Well you put it on a cookie and let it say
Believe we're doing it the right way, when in fact we're slip sliding away

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

Styrofoam (with apologies to Paul Simon)

When I think back on all the crap I learned in bakin’ school
It’s a wonder I can bake at all
And yet my lack of frosting skills hasn’t hurt me none
I can just throw sprinkles on ‘em all

Styrofoam, it gives me a nice flat surface
And those greens of summer
They make you look like your from the Emerald City, oh yea

Well, I’ve got edible paper
I love to make photographs
So boss don’t take my Styrofoam away

If you took all the cakes I’ve done from when I started
Brought them all together for one night
You could really see my great imagination
And how I’ve made ‘em all look just right

Styrofoam, you’d see those nice garish colors
And those greens of summers
And you’ll never forget you’re graduation day, oh yea

I’ve got edible paper
I love to “make” photographs
So boss don’t take my Styrofoam away

Boss don’t take my Styrofoam away
Boss, don’t take my Styrofoam away
Boss don’t take my Styrofoam away

Boss don’t take my Styrofoam
Boss don’t take my Styrofoam
Boss don’t take my Styrofoam away

Boss don’t take my Styrofoam
Leave this baker all alone
Boss don’t take my Styrofoam away

Please don’t take my Styrofoam
Please don’t take my Styrofoam away

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Those "cakes" in the first pic, you don't mind if I give them the slip, will you?

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterOriana Giudici

Oh my goodness, It's a Paul Simon Jamboree! My daughter's on a road trip and just (not ten minutes ago) sent me a video of her (and her travelling companion's) rendition of "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard." Sandy and mel were the icing on the Cake Wreck.

mel, I DO see those nice garish colors and I'll be humming all day.

Sandy, your verses concerning a father's spiritual inclination made me laugh out loud. Not a nice ladylike giggle, either. More of an unattractive snort. I needed that this week, so thank you!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

@SuBee: yea...skip the pomp... in this circumstance I'll have pie, too
@Sandy: wow! well done!!!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

I have to ask. What is that purple and flesh colored thing in the lower left of the "religious graduation cake"? It doesn't look like any religious symbol I am familiar with.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

We did a cake joke on a friend. First nicely frosted birthday sheetcake. She sent to cut into it and ... it was made of styrofoam.

We all laughed, reassured her it was just a joke and here the real cake was coming.

Another friend carried in the next, beautifully frosted birthday cake. Just as he got to the person we were celebrating, he took a pratfall and fell on the cake, splattering beautiful frosting that had been on top of shaving cream.

This time she looked like she was going to cry, I think she thought we were just going to go all out prank.

The final (real) cake was a small bakery gem, beautifully decorated and from one of the nicer bakeries in town at the time. She did approach it with great caution though. Can't imagine why.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPaula Helm Murray


July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Or could that little "arm" actually be a tapeworm....? Oye!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbassgirl

That religious/spiritual cake has me wondering - it looks like there is someone prone on a red carpet praying to a quarter of a club sandwich (behind the standing figure). New twist on the religious angle - I think I like Communion would be much tastier with bits of club sandwich..

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancy N

@Caroline B, brava!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

To be honest, I never really expected Butthead to graduate. Good for him! I am sure we are all very proud.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Caroline B wins the interwebs for the asshat. Amazing!

Paul Simon MUST be a CW fan, because obviously CW fans are also Paul Simon fans. I was laughing at Sandy's Slip Sliding- even doing the oooohhh woooo ooohh right along, then I got to mel and his "Styrofoam" (ie Kodachrome) and lost it.

Calling Weird Al, I think you may have some competition on CW! We are a group of disturbed individuals <giggle snort>! I love you guys!

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

The religious grad cake ( otherwise known as the
"accidental" Cake) is the phenomenon that occurs
when a box of grad supplies Fall from the top shelf
and lands on a cake. Tada! All done!! I'm afraid the
last one is less of a heart felt message and more of a
Fartfilled message!!! (Couldn't resist!)

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCamille

Why is the butt cookie wearing a merkin?

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAudrey

The last one makes me think of the movie Cool Runnings when Sanka says to Yul Brenner "I'll draw a line down the middle of your head and make it look like a butt!"
@Caroline ~ Nicely done!
@SuBee and @mel ~ Y'all are amazing. I can't even think so early in the morning to come up with something like that and by the time I come back to comment in the afternoon, you guys have shared some of your mad skills right here for us to enjoy!
@Degera ~ Remember the first rule of CW? Sorry about your keyboard.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Robin, I believe that those are a set of praying hands. I can just make out the hands above the purple.

I have to send out a very big thank-you to Jen, Sharyn, SuBee, mel, Haiku Joy and many others that contribute to the hilarity here. Our family is going through a pretty tough time right now and Cakewrecks is a much needed bright spot in my day. I'm pretty much a lurker, I don't have your way with words, but I just wanted you all to know how much I enjoy our little Cakewrecks family here.

(I'm the shy one in the corner waving)

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

I thought tampon string...not robot arm.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

@SuBee: Happy Paul Simon Day!
@VaBeach alemaP: thanks…and I hope you find it…speaking of Weird Al, his new album (CD) has a song called “Word Crimes” and it is hilarious. It also would make a good CW post for soooooo many of the Wrecks we’ve seen. And I don’t know about disturbed…but definitely off kilter… (I like to think a have some normal genes…they’re the blue denim ones over there….)
@Jodee: for me, I think “mad” is the operative word…and thanks…
@Karen: Hello (waving back) and welcome to the shy one in the corner! Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry you and your family are having a tough time right now, and hope that cloud quickly passes. Cake Wrecks is a wonderful place to find a little refuge from Life’s periodic storms. Jen and john(thoJ) have created a wonderful, welcoming, and hilarious place here, where you can lurk or join in – it’s all good. For some, it is a place to come and read and laugh and then leave, and for others it is a place where we are inspired to share our own lunacy. J&j are most gracious in providing a place for all of us. And, shy or not, know that you have the support and best wishes of the Cake Wreck community with you, for although some may think us a little nuts, we are a caring family. May peace come to you and your family soon.

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

@mel: Regarding your "some may think us a little nuts" remark: while this IS an astute observation, I'd personally rather nut be categorized as such. I prefer the designation "COMPLETELY nuts"...but only if it's nut too much trouble! Thanks! =^~.~^=

July 23, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

@Karen: Hugs to you and your family. I hear you. A friend's mom is dying of cancer, and this is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Fortunately,we are surroundded by lovingly warped wierdos who are always good for a comforting laugh. Thanks, everyone!

July 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

A spotty butt that needs a wax...

July 24, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJo

Lol I use the phrase ass hat a lot and now there is a picture of one! Ahh justification lmao. Though when I use it I tend to be in a less than happy mood. These cakes just put a huge grin on my face because I am glad I won't be receiving them hehe.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

You're a photo here. You'r a photo there. You're a photo eveywhere.

July 25, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea

Thank you, Karen. I hope your family's rough time turns to smooth sailing again quickly.

August 6, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

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