My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Pipe Dreams

"Okay, Tiger, you can do this. It's just an engagement cake, nothing to be afraid of.

"Here goes..."

"Steady... steeeeady..."



"Now to finish up the delicate vine-work on this wedding cake."



"This next one calls for 'Cornelli Lace'. Huh."




And for my piece de resistance, a magical Cinderella coach for the bride and groom's table!!





Heh. Aheh.

I should probably go back to the deli now.


Thanks to Jenna P., Jade C., Catherine C., and Vanessa S. for letting me play with clipart again.


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Reader Comments (52)

The last one - is it a cake or a handbag? whatever, I think the golden pipe cleaners add a majestic touch.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Maybe it's supposed
to be a Coach handbag, eh?
No, that's not better.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

With apologies to William Blake

Tiger, Tiger, you can't write
With blue frosting piped on white
I'm afraid you're not the guy
To pipe on vines with symmetry.

Though I don't want to chastise
Perhaps red "lace" wasn't wise
Your coach cake does not inspire
Maybe you should just retire.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

"I should probably go back to the deli now."
Okay, look...that guy up there in the slide show? I need to know where that freak WORKS, or I will never buy as much as a can of peas from that place.
And, if we're playing a guessing game here, my guess for the orange blob in the last photo is: It's a toaster that has been covered in a layer of pureed pumpkin...(for the "realism" factor).
The third specimen looks more like crime scene than a cake. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd drawn a chalk line around it before slicing it.
It's a pity that the cartoon-wreckorator has no nose; he can't tell how much his decowrecking stinks!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Do they do drug screening? If not they should....

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Haiku Joy took the words right out of my mouth. I was thinking, "Oh, clever pun there Jen, Coach handbag, ha ha ha. Oh. Yeah, That wasn't a pun."

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

Magenta tapeworms!
How majestically wriggly
among blanched roses.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Quick Takes on These Mistakes

The cake’s a mess;
Spelling, not so grand.
Was the piping done
By Edward Squigglehand?

Jumbo flowers
Lookin’ fine.
And I love the green stuff…
It’s di-vine.

Cornelli lace
Or horrible blooper?
Looks like it was done
By Freddie Kreugar.

I’d love to eat more,
But I’m really full.
Now it’s time to watch
The Hot Wheels Pumpkin Pull.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Bwah ha ha ha handbag!? Love it!!

Why, oh WHY does the vined cake look like there are fleas among the vines?! Eeewwww!

The lace cake looks especially veiny! Ewwww...veins are grosser to me than fleas!

Oh veiny cake wreck
What irritated your eye?
Red angry sclera.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Important: on the "delicate vine-work" ants or sprinkles...ANTS OR SPRINKLES?!?

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBeckah

That one cake look like it was cracked by a earthquake!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBigg3469

Oh, it's all about the pipe cleaners. Nothing says class on a cake like pipe cleaners. And for that extr-y special touch, go with the metallic ones. Fancy!

Thanks @HaikuJoy, for helping me along with my diet. Blearch...

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

Oh my gosh. Oh. My Gosh. I just saw that the coach is being pulled by dune buggies. How could I have possibly missed that? So I revise my earlier statement. Class is all about metallic pipe cleaners attached to dune buggies. I just have one question. Where are the Bud Light cans?

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

When the manager asked "Can you pipe?" The baker thought he meant smoke and thought, "Heck yeah!"

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

How do these "professional" people even think that the public should pay for those messes????? There's a lesson to be learned to order a smaller cake as a trial run.

It really makes me and my husband glad a friend made our cake. Simple with some flowers added. Tasted great! While it wasn't perfect these make ours perfect in comparison.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoanie

i laughed through the whole viewing!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

@ AngelaS:(" Where are the Bud Light cans?") : Where's your head at, girl? This-here shindig just cries out fer a keg (or 3), and not that sissy "light" crap, neither. Maybe there'll be another day for "Pipe(Cleaner)Dreams" cakes? =^-.-^=

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Geeeezzzz,,, nobody ever told me that Cinderella's coach turns into an orange toaster when it's off doody (wink wink).

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKimberJ

"Magenta tapeworms" . . . I mean, really, Haiku Joy! Yet one more haiku about magenta tapeworms?? There are so many traditional Japanese haiku on that subject-- you could have chosen something more poetic. How about:

Ropy, spider veins . . .

hmmm. No.
I've got it! Ahem:

Rosy nematode,
Squiggling, writhing on a cake,
Parasitic treat.

Whaddya think? Capture the majesty of haiku and cake? And worms?

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM

An orange ball for a coach, with the wheels embedded in the sides of the coach ABOVE the ground, and pulled by two min-dune buggies. @mel, you got it right: Hot Wheels Pumpkin Pull, indeed. Although those dune buggies will explode before they move that pumpkin.

John, you really should play with clip art more often!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

A pumpkin coach driven by… go-karts? Golf karts? Lunar karts?

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAthena

I remember my first Weoing cake. Such fond memories...

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErika

@Haiku Joy ~ Saving diets across the land! (with a little help from Jen, john (thoJ), mel and Jodi!)

@Just Andrea ~ I'm so very glad you're back. I've missed you!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

@AngelaS, obviously, the Bud Light cans are inside the purse.

Oh wow...I just noticed that the veiny cake is topped with colored calla lilies!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Context is everything. If that "coach" with the pipecleaners had been made by a young relative of the happy couple it would be charming (still funny - but charming). The fact that someone paid a "pro" for it.....words fail.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandraru

It's the golden toaster award! I wonder what they did to deserve that.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJanice

@Sharyn, @Haiku Joy, @mel, & @Jodi: standing ovations all around!

I wonder if the "Coach" mold was on purpose, or if… nevermind. I have to admire the Hot Wheels, though!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterjuice318

the William Blake poem was brilliant!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

Hot Wheels and pipe cleaners? Seriously HOT WHEELS and PIPE CLEANERS!?! That's like, " I'll just decorate this cake with whatever crap I can find in the junk drawer..."
Have a good weekend people. Stay out of the junk drawer.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen

Sharyn - pure genius (unlike these bakers)

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJane

OH AngelaS... you had me giggling. Its DEFINATELY missing bud light cans!!!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCristine

Coach handbag: Golden Arches

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLynn Baber

Freddy Krueger? Heh. My dog's name is Krueger. Not Freddy though... just Krueger. Though I guess that could have been done by a dog.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterBriana

What I find mind boggling is the vine-work is an attempt to cover up something else that looked worse.. Knife scrapings would have been better.. unless that's what they were trying to cover up. This is a case where *nothing* would have been better than *something*.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnna K

Looking at the "cornelli" one and then I am thinking.. are those *real* flowers... did they put *real* flowers that are POISONOUS directly into a cake?! O.O

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

With that third wreck, I can't help but wonder if the happy couple looked at it and thought 'Oh my God...its terrible.' or 'Oh my God...its perfect!'.

It just seems so deliberate. It really could go either way.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTifa

Well, at least I learned a new term: Cornelli Lace. Had to look it up to get the full impact of wreckery.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMiss Mindy

Thanks @Juice318.

FM, I liked your haiku too!

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

I got so distracted by the line drawings of the "artist in residence" that I almost missed the cakes. I kept thinking the guy was made out of licorice whips. the thought certainly made up for the work on the cakes.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterdrgns4vr

Was that first one made by Hagrid?

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkympro

Those aren't dune buggies. Those are sprint cars. I had no idea they even made toy sprint cars. Why they're pulling a coach is beyond me though. Wow.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterShauna

Hey, wait a minute! I can't be the first one to see the phallus on that "pumpkin coach cake"....right? ...Guys????

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

@TLC : well, there might be a chance if at midnight the pumpkin turns into a coach.....
@juice318: thanks!
@GingerSnap: hahaha...but I think as Freud said, "sometimes a set of wheels and a door is just a set of wheels and a door...."

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Thank goodness they put the sprig of cherry blossoms(??) on the coach-ster. That really adds that much needed touch of class.

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSissy

Is it just me, or does it look like there are little ants crawling up the vine-work?

September 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAmandaB

I think that first wedding cake is supposed to be a joke. It looks just like Harry Potter's 11th birthday cake. See?

September 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTina

I'm so glad Shauna has already pointed out the coach is being pulled by sprint cars, not dune buggies. Yes, they do make toy sprint cars. If you're interested in some, contact the National Sprint Car Hall of Fame in Knoxville, IA. Can't see the numbers, but it looks like Tony Stewart and Steve Kinser's paint jobs.

September 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEddie's Mom

As someone who works in a grocery store bakery, "I should go back to the deli" is truer than you think. Once when I was out sick for a week, that is exactly what they did. Now we had another decorator who did the complicated cakes--but they pulled a teen from the deli to do what they said was "simple" cakes like trim and sprinkles with some writing. And for some reason management couldn't understand why so many people were pissed at the cakes they received.

September 13, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy

Yup, ants, came with the flowers and decided the sugar vines were more delicious.

September 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

I think the yucky bits on the vine work are from a
piping tip that wasn't cleaned properly. They get
a sort of rusty greasy gunk on the inside.

It's just so much more appetizing now.

September 13, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn

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