My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Well, This Is Awkward...


I think it's safe to say these parents just won the brass nipple ring of Awkward First Birthday Cakes:

(Note: Picture taken down at customer's request. Please enjoy this "artistic" rendering. -john)

Try not to imagine the scrapbook photos of little (Child's Name) and her smash cake.




Hey Catherine M., got milk?


Note: Jen wanted me to make a few more adjustments. Pleast to enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot:



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Reader Comments (78)

I wouldn't mind having that for my birthday...

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Seriously - Wednesday - Thursday - Friday - what were these parents thinking?

Obvious answer -- they weren't!

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDebraSue

"What's her favorite thing?"
asked the unwitting baker.
"Like, her favorite food?"

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

What the.....?

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersweetsummer73

I really, REALLY want to hear the story behind THIS.
Customer on bad cell phone connection: "I really want the BEST cake for my little birthday girl."
Baker, struggling to hear over sound of busy kitchen: "Are you sure? Well, OK . . . ."

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFM


I just don't understand what the parents were TRYING to achieve with this cake.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKreative

In many cultures, stripper training begins at a very early age...

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Sung to "Baby, You Can Drive My Car"

Baby, use a BIG black bar.
This one will leave mental scars.
Baby, use a BIG black bar.
And black out the nipples.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

Ok.. searching "smash cakes" me images of a trend of "piñata cakes" .. I have not seen you post about these cakes... and your opinion on them. Very interested if professional bakers make these are if it is just a home baked situation.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKreative

Let's just hope that this was a small, immediate family only party and not one for the whole neighborhood.
"No, No, little Billy, you DON'T want the "rose".


September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeloise


September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

@Haiku Joy: I can't breathe... too funny.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

So, little McKenzie just loves to go for walks in the park, looking at the flowers, trees, but in particular, the birds. So mum and dad asked for a cake featuring her favourite birds of all, a pair of tits....

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCaroline B I cannot possibly make it any clearer.

SuBee and Sharyn-you both got a hearty cackle this morning!

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemaP

I clicked on the photo to read the credit line (they're often pretty funny), and this time, I was surprised to see that along with the credit is the "uncensored" version of the photo. Seems like an odd cake for a first birthday party, but little McK. won't care.....until she's older (like maybe a pre-teen); then she might not be too amused...! =^~.~^=

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I'll guess that the orders for the bachelor party cake and the first birthday cake were switched .

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

Mom is planning to breastfeed sweet McKenzie until she is nine. Each year, the cake will feature the same theme. Sure, this year the boobs are tall and perky. On future birthdays, they will sag more and more until the boobs hang off the bottom of the cake board. That smash cake will soon look like it's already been smashed.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterbonnie

@Caroline B and @SuBee-BWAHAHAHA!

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Why? Just WHY???

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNancie

OMG Haiku joy and Sharyn XD XD as for the cake-what was it SUPPOSED to be... D:

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

As Gilbert and Sullivan, the Victorian-era composers, said in H.M.S. Pinafore,
“Things are seldom what they seem.” Today’s cake falls into that category, in the subdivision, “Is that what I think it is?!” No, gentle fellow Wreckies, it is not.

McKenzie is a friend of Amber’, whose exploits have been documented in these pages over the past few years. I think when we last left Amber’ she was working in a “gentlemen’s club.” It was there that she met McKenzie, an aspiring waitress temporarily working as an actress until she could get her foot into one of the local restaurants. She had had a part-time job in a bakery decorating cakes, but left because of the base nature of the men who worked there – something about “their inherently oppressive calla willies and their inherently oppressive gender based abuse of piping bags.” *

Amber’ took McKenzie under her wing and taught her how to dance so men would “make it rain.” But, alas, the rain was slow to come. “I want sprinkles,” exclaimed McKenzie to Amber’ after some dry spells. “What am I doing wrong?”

Amber’ thought how to best say this. “You worked in a bakery, right?” she asked. “Yes,” said McKenzie. “Well,” continued Amber’ slowly, “I think the problem is you have cupcakes where you need cakes. And, ummm, in this business, sadly, with cupcake cakes, well, men say ptooie! But I know someone who can help you – Dr. Panwow. It’s amazing what he can create with one basic shape!”

The rest, as they say, is history. As McKenzie’s chest swelled –ah, with pride – so did her income. She was greeted nightly with not only rain, but thunderstorms. It was a new beginning for her, as if she were starting life all over again. And that is how, on the first anniversary of McKenzie’s meeting with Dr. Panwow, Amber’ gave McKenzie this celebratory cake.

*love ya, SuBee

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commentermel

Considering to a one year old, those are lunch, it's hardly any more inappropriate than the ones that look like a sandwich. D;

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJen

There's just no way those aren't supposed to be boobs! I just can't understand the WHY!! I mean, I'm a breastfeeding nut and nursed my children well past the age of one, but a booby cake for a one year old?? Not. The child would be confused. Is milk supposed to come out of it?? Is mommy trading my boo boo for those fake ones??? Horror!!

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSissy

Wow. I love all the jokes and witty comments here. But I can't help feeling afraid and sorry for McKenzie.

If her parents give her a cake for her first birthday that needs to be censored, then what's down the road for her? Was this Mom's idea, or Dad's? Are there siblings, and have they been treated like this?

Feeling very squicked out about this.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

@mel, you win! But you'll have to make do with a hearty snort laugh because I'm too doubled over laughing to be able to give you a standing ovation.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

No. Just. No.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterTricia L

Ooookay, someone didn't think this through to a logical conclusion. One-year-old still nurses. Parents think it's funny to get kid a boob cake. Child looks at cake, pokes it, squishes it, eventually discovers it's edible, bites into it. Funny, right?

So what happens next time the kid goes to nurse?

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSkate

[*shrug*] I'm sure the cakes are exactly what the parents ordered. Their taste is questionable but I'm not seeing the wreckiness here.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

Yesterday I received a text from my up-until-now-flat-chested-daughter-who-is-currently-growing-my-soon-to-be-grandbaby. The text simply said "Mom! For the first time I have boobs! Please, please, please, Lord, let me keep these forever!" This post is strangely appropriate. Totally inappropriate for a 1th birthday cake tho. O.O

@Haiku Joy ~ Your students are so very lucky. I wonder what they would think if you ate a fondant baby?
@SuBee and @mel ~ You guys are dangerous!

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

You know, they follow you when you move around the room.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow


But seriously, I need an explanation for this.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterErica

@mel: oh, oh I can't breathe!!! The story is superb, and using the recurring character of Amber' as well as the allusion to the comment made earlier this week is pure GENIUS my friend!!! As soon as I read the first line of the second paragraph "McKenzie is a friend of Amber'" I started howling, by the time I finished, tears of laughter were competing with gasps for breath as a sure sign of hilarity.

@Skate: You took it to the very end of the logical deduction track-the final dialogue is "OUCH!!!"
<slightly uncomfortable empathetic squirming>

@Fluffy Cow: <snort> Good one!!!

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterVaBeach alemap

Mom asks McKenzie's Dad to order the birthday cake. Dad forgets to order the cake. Minutes before the party is supposed to start he runs to the bakery down the street -- which happens to be an erotic bakery. Considering his other choices he did okay. McKenzie's mom might start speaking to him again before the baby's 2nd birthday.

If that's not what happened someone has some weird taste in children's birthday cakes.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxz


September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Putting to the side the obvious question (WHY DEAR LORD?!?!), a secondary question comes to mind. Why are there three?

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNaomi

This is a little bit top heavy.
Er, I mean, over the top.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSaran-Dippety

For the love of sanity, WHY????

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

@HELOISE: it was not "one for the whole neighborhood". It was "one for the whole world"...

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterMira (PL)

Mom must be working on her Scrapbook collection of embarrassing baby photos she will display at her future Weddding reception.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJoy

Well DUH, obviously little McKenzie is a fan of "Total Recall". Or maybe "Twins"?

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterEllen O.

This is a great example of parents making the whole thing all about them...

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJTL

That family, what a bunch of boobs.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterCrazy T

Oh god. Cala willies. I just died....

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterLala

Am I the only one baffled by the appearance of three boobs? Is the mother the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six?

Admittedly, this is a great way for the parents to claim to sanctimonious hippies that their child still hasn't consumed anything but what comes out of a breast....

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJulia

I think the cake is to celebrate Mac's birthday and the fact that she has been weened from the boob.

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAnita

As a breastfeeding mom whose baby is reluctant to try solids, I can kind of understand...

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterHeather A

So, let me guess, boobies are little McKenzie's favourite food? Smart girl, she knows what's best for her at that age!
(Though, I wouldn't have ordered them as cake. Nothing beats the original.)

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterlcp

Peck Pleasant: "Good evening and welcome to the What's Hot In Nature segment. We'll go live to Bouncee Mammilla, on the scene. What's Hot over there, Bouncee?"

Bouncee Mammilla: "It is really Hot here tonight, Peck! I have just heard reports of a Nude Booby sighting! We tracked down McKenzie, the first person to udder the report, and she has told us the best location to view the Booby. We are here just busting with anticipation, Peck!"

Peck Pleasant: "A Nude Booby sighting! That *is* Hot, Bouncee. Dr. Bo Som of the Total Ecological Advancement Triumvirate, or T.E.A.T., is here in the studio. Dr. Som, what are your thoughts on the Nude Booby?"

Dr. Bo Som: "Well, I don't believe Nude Boobies exist, Peck. It appears the Nude Booby has become extinct. We used to see some small flocks of Nude Boobies in France, but with the cool climate there, you never see Nude Boobies anymore. There were reports of Nude Boobies in Brazil, of course, but they turned out to be the Great Bronze Tits, native to Ipanema."

Peck Pleasant: "So, you'd be surprised to see a Nude Booby tonight, Dr.?"

Dr. Bo Som: "Absolutely surprised, yes."

Peck Pleasant: "While I was speaking to Dr. Bo Som, Bouncee Mammilla has been keeping us abreast of the situation in the wild. Bouncee, have you seen any Boobies?"

Bouncee Mammilla: "Peck, we do hear what we think is the Nude Booby calling! It is very difficult making our way through here in the dark. One moment, I'm going to have our camera woman go back and turn on her headlights...yes, that's better. Now, we are following the call...quietly now....Do you see this, Peck! We have the first televised Nude Booby sighting! Wait! We see two...No! Three Nude Boobies! This is titillating! This is Bouncee Mammilla saying, 'What's Hot In Nature is the triple Nude Booby sighting'! Back to you in the studio, Peck."

Peck Pleasant: "Well, Dr. Bo Som, it appears that not only are there still Nude Boobies in existence, we've seen a trio of them here tonight. What do you have to say about T.E.A.T. research on the Nude Booby?"

Dr. Bo Som: "Well, don't I feel like a boob."

Peck Pleasant: "That's all we have time for tonight. I'm Peck Pleasant, good night, until tomorrow when we bring you reports of a snake in Dingle, on What's Hot In Nature!"

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Those cakes are a little off color. The areolae need a bit more red...

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterJust Andrea

Is that a tres leches cake?

September 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterDeeDee

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