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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Top 13 Telephone Wrecks

There are literal wrecks ("Just write Happy Birthday on it,") and then there are the wrecks that literally suffer from a game of Telephone. And they're fabulous.


"Too Legit To Quit"


"Welcome Home"


"Happy Birthday, Cowgirl!"




"Gettin' hitched!" (for a wedding shower)


"Happy Hanukkah!"


"Happy Birthday Beth & Libby!"

(And to think she used to be the life of the party.)


"Bye, Evan!"


"For Our Fearless Leader"

(At hour 5, she turns into a whimpering puddle of goo.)


"You're an ace!"


Here they asked for a big mouse with some little mice around it:



While on this one they wanted "blue camo" - as in "camouflage."

Most recently, of course, there was that Obama/Llama fiasco. Heh.


And finally, my favorite:

"Don't Take No For An Answer!"

It says "Don't Techno For An Answer." Which is officially one of my favorite things ever. Because now I want to, dangit.

Random Person: "So Jen, are you coming to our baby shower? We're serving one of those hee-LARIOUS vagina cakes!"

Me: [puts on sunglasses] [cranks techno music] [moonwalks away]


Thanks to Mary D., Amy D., Cat D., Rowenna O., Amy R., Jill S., Emily A., Karen B., Liz W., Sarah H., Helen, Yvonee D., & Dori K. for that new life goal.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (45)

Ewe just made my gnu year. :-)

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJ.

You know, if you read these cakes using a thick foreign accent, it almost explains them. ALMOST, I said.
Or perhaps if there is annoying Supermarket music blaring in the background, and the cacophony of baking pans falling, it also might explain it.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterShirley Fowley

Hat Pee Knew Ear, to awe you cake records!

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLorie

Put my name on cake 8 and it would make sense. Tribbles are genderless after all...

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTheCreepyTribble

Lulz@lorie Playing that game as a kid, these cakes makes sense only in that contex....

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Blue camels are a definite improvement over what they asked for. Poor baby Seth...

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Oh -- the mouth cake!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't stop laughing!! My most favorite wreck of the year!
Wait...... um...... well, it is my most favorite wreck today.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen S

But I think they actually spelled everything right!

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterHAL

Can't comment . Laughing .

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterThe Former CB

That is a surprisingly well drawn mouth- I wonder just how much practice the baker had - and WHY?

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterEric Stott

That's all well and good, but what is Jarman's cake supposed to be?

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterWill

Techno is only the answer if the question is "What does robot murder sound like?"

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterCharlie

I must still be recovering from that Alabama-Ohio State game last night. I couldn't get past the pound signs on the first cake.

I would have loved the "Happy Birthday Call Girl" wreck! And I think Baby Seth is much better off with his blue camels instead of the blue camo. The cake is clean, and the frosting is probably much more appealing.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterTLC

And here I've been not techno-ing for years. I thought it was called being a luddite....

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterColin M.

No, if you remain... uh, "fearless"... for more than 4 hours, you're supposed to seek medical attention immediately.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZelda

@Charlie, I love your explanation of the last cake. My mind went toward The New Pornographers' song, "Sing Me Spanish Techno" which explains that this cake will "punish you/ for listening to one song for too long."

All these cakes are so brilliant I just want to walk them home.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterFM

If that cake was for the Jarman I know, it may have been correct.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJulie G

That is a beautiful mouth. Unfortunately the little mice look like sperm o_0

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRachel CrazyMum

Definitely some bad connections here. They should have hung up and dialled again, Or emailed.

I give the wreckorator who did the "Call Girl" cake credit for getting into the spirit of the thing by putting nuts on it.

What the Dickens is that pile of poo doing on the "Valid Victorian" cake? Darwin if I know--Disraeli is driving me Wilde.

It occurred to me that the folks who ordered the "Fearless Leader" cake might also have told the wreckorator that their boss was a big fan of the Baltimore baseball franchise--and given instructions to put the team's emblem on the cake. That would make it a double-wrecker.

I realize that Jarman's cake is supposed to be a tennis racquet, but to me it looks more like Google map marker.

Hap Pee 2105, Everybody!


January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterLian

Jar man won a marathon thingy on a bicycle. Yeah- that's it. It was the Tour de Pants.That is his celebratory cake, which was made to look like the bicycle seat on the bicycle with which he won. The flowers are symbolic of the lovely countryside he was riding through, but which he never really got to enjoy, seeing as how his hay fever kicked in, and between the sneezing, watery eyes, rash, and crotch rot from the rubber seat he was also allergic to, it wasn't exactly the best of times. But YAY, Jar man!! Way to go. (His buddies are a barnful of hoots, yah?) =^-.-^= (This one was singled out for being the only cake that made any sense at all...(*snicker*)

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Will: I believe that Jarman's cake is supposed to be a tennis racket. Perhaps the wrecker should have gone with a more old-fashioned racket design.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMariaTeresa

I believe Jarman's cake is supposed to be a tennis racket, but the wreckerator decided to add flowers instead of whatever you string a racket with. A stubby, short-handled racket. With flowers that appear to be trying to crawl away from the wreck.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterZeldabird

I'm wondering if the "You're an ass" cake is intentional since it's in quotes ... is that supposed to be a bass guitar? And maybe they say "You're an ass" as a play on words to sound like bass (pronounced like base)?

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterBrigid

Awwww I liked that the balloons on the "walk him home" cake looked like balloons until I looked again. Guess the decorator just knew we couldn't have non-sperm balloons.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commenteramy

Well, we know who was NOT the valedictorian.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMichele

No matter how tragic the world becomes, I can come here, Jen, and have a good laugh. You are the best medicine for all that is wrong with the world.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterdkzody

Purple House Records presents: Don't Techno for an Answer - the new album by DJ Solerous! It's the long-awaited followup to his 2009 megahit Life-Saving Trance Fusion! Available wherever CDs are still sold.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterPocket

Those are LITERALLY the best cakes I've seen all year!

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterkel

The "Gettin Hit" cake: might the wreckorator know something or person who ordered it be trying to drop a hint? "Sure, Linda, you walked into a door again. Funny how you never did that before you started dating Bob."

Poor Evan. That is not how he wanted to come out.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

As far as I can guess, Jarman's is a steak with pretty flowers sprinkled on it.

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterkk_mua

This is, in toto*, my top favorite collection Of All Time.

Thank you!

*and I don't mean the little dog ate it ...

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMrs Bridgewater

Poor Evan was totally outed. Nice... o.O
That mouth thing is scaring the crap out of me. The sperm mice aren't helping!
And there you go again with the vagina baby cakes. You know I'm ordering the cake next week, right?

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJodee

Ya know, the Valid Victorian would actually work for one of my steampunk/victorian tea parties. *ideas*

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterIsabella

"You're an ass" kinda makes sense since the cake looks like a decorated bedpan!

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commentermary fisher

At least Jarman's cake didn't say "Urine Ass".....

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth A.

At least the "Big mouse" looked good!

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMel

I don't care. I want the mouth cake. (And those mice do look like mice to me. When the picture is enlarged, I can definitely see ears on them.)

January 2, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterms_xeno

Wee fish ewe a mare egrets moose,
Wee fish ewe a mare egrets moose,
Wee fish ewe a mare egrets moose,
Panda, hippo, new deer!

I love telephone wrecks, they're just so special!

January 3, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterhapamama

Oh man cannot stop laughing. Especially at Jarman. Poor poor Jarman. Wow lol. And that mouth with poo mice.. frightening.

January 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Love, love, love the you're an ass cake! I want one for a few people i know!

January 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterJackieB

Was Seth born on a Wednesday? That might explain it.

And now, a very special guest has a few words to say about cake #7:


January 3, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterRoxy Random

I know Evan and he would love that cake.

January 4, 2015 | Unregistered Commenterlizvocal

I can't say that I'd be disappointed to pick up any of these cakes.They are all things of beauty.

January 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterAli

Am I the only one who thought of this upon seeing cake #7? :)

January 5, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterKatie J.

I was going to say that for once the balloons look like balloons! Not sperm. Then I saw the highlights on each one!!!!!

February 16, 2015 | Unregistered CommenterMoonflwr912

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