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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

And THAT'S How Baby Zebras Are Made

It's time for another one of our chats, bakers. You know, the ones where I give well-reasoned arguments for why you shouldn't wreck things, and you completely ignore me?

You're like my cats, only armed with piping bags instead of hairballs.

No, Professor Fluffypants, no!

Still, as long as I keep lecturing Tonks and Lily on proper puke placement ("The tile! AIM FOR THE TILE!") I may as well keep tilting at this particular windmill.


SO... zebra stripes.

(By Sherry O)

These are zebra stripes, bakers.


While these:

...are sperm.


I point this out because a lot of you seem to confuse the two:

...and nobody wants sperm on their birthday cake, you guys.





No, thank you.




What the...?


(Who let Professor Fluffypants in here?)


Bottom line, bakers: next time someone asks for zebra stripes, DON'T USE BUTTERCREAM.

Use an airbrush instead!

MUUUUCH better.


Thanks to Laurie P., Barb, Lauren M., Elizabeth, Amber G., Holly C., D'andra B., Courtney G., & Jana W. for showing us what's black and white and wrecked all over.


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

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Reader Comments (35)

by the end of it, i couldn't even remember what zebra stripes look like.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commentert.e.

“Zebra Question” with apologies to Shel Silverstein

I asked the zebra,
Are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?

And the zebra asked me
Are you a baker who wrecks?
Or are you a wrecker who bakes?

Are you incapable of piping?
Or does piping make you incapable?

Do you see all black lines as sperm?
Or do you see all sperm as black lines?

And on and on and on and on
And on and on he went.
I’ll never ask a zebra
About stripes

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee


I have two cats and a house with mostly hardwood floors and a few carpeted floors (we're going to change that soon). I completely get the "Aim for the tile" because my cats seem to take GREAT pleasure at cat-bombing our carpet -which is white (well, after 25 years, maybe not so much) and JUST missing the hardwood floor.

That cake with the GIANT sperm look like palmetto bugs. Yes, I lived in FLA (WPB) for two years and never got over the SIZE of those monster roaches. Gah.

Hope John is feeling better!

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Are those leeches on cake #5? TAKE THEM OFF, TAKE THEM OFF, TAKE THEM OFF!!!!! (doing the Kermit flail).

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTere

I was even more disturbed by the shoe on the top of the one cake. I realize it's probably plastic and tiny, but I can't stop picturing a full-sized USED shoe on top of that cake, and it's grossing me out!

Also, Bad Professor Fluffypants! BAD!

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Hmmmm...Tadpoles, worms and snakes. Wonder if I ordered those if I'd get zebra stripes instead?

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDonnaB

What's the yellow thing on Julies cake?

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLaShawna

The 5th wreck ("No, thank you.") does not look like sperm. It looks like a school of eels. Still doesn't look like zebra stripes, but eels they are, swimming up a pink stream.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersue

I'm just here to say that I love your cats' names.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

I'll take your Prof. Fluffypants and raise you one MC Hammer...(who can't touch that!)....However, I wasn't paying attention in school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY... so could you please explain how Don Quixote ended up on a zebra?(Maybe it was an offer the zebra couldn't refuse?)

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The "nuh-uh" wreck looks more like leeches than anything else. Extra protein!

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJill

All I can see is leeches on these cakes.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersweetsummer

The last cake looks like it was tagged by gangbangers.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFelix1140

Looks like Julie's cake got "bombed" by Professor Fluffypants. Who puts a big yellow blob of *hurk* on a cake?

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBluebonnet

a) I second the notion of cats and their extra special preference/aiming ability when it comes to shag vs tile/hardwood/anything easier to clean. Boy do I second that. When I look at potential apartments, one of my high priorities is carpet somewhat close to the color of hurled kibble.

b) I *believe* the yellow hurk on Julie's cake is actually an extremely ugly numeral 4 candle, which just suffers from a bad photo angle.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnonninnymus

To LaShawna and Bluebonnet: I'm reaching into the basket and pulling out a guess....Ah, here we go: (a): a melting, yellow, candy elephant.....
...and, (b): a "hurked-UP" melting, yellow, candy elephant.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

It's the angle - the yellow blob on Julie's cake is a (plastic?) number 4.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Cupcake #1: What is "yellow silly string" doing on top of a blue cupcake?

Cake #8: @Bluebonnet, I can see why you thought it was a "blob of *hurk*". After squinting for awhile, I finally realized it is the number "4." (Boys and we are going to learn about the number "four"). Is it a blobby yellow candle? That's the only explanation for having a blobby yellow "4" on a cake which already says "Happy 4th Birthday." Let's hope that Julie will have better luck on her 5th birthday. (Sorry, sweetheart...)

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNeeta

Hurk, hurk, hurk. Sorry. Hairball. Or sperm cakes. Hurk! We only have carpet in the bedrooms only. Savannah will walk from the hardwood into one of the bedrooms and hurk, hurk, hurk.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSue W.

I thought the "Blakely" cake looked more like one of those "cow" patterned cakes. Kinda like Chik-Fil-A's ads. Not a good cow pattern, you understand, but more blobs than stripes.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNancy

I think the manufacturer of Julie's '4' candle needs to go back to the drawing board, too. After reading Bluebonnet's comment, I saw an awful lot of hurk there, too, before I realized that it was a candle.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterColin

It's 4:45 and I just got here, but the first thing The Squire said was "Those are leeches!" when he saw the seventh cake. I sometimes teach Lifestyles of the 1700s, and we know how leeches look. You got it!

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLady Anne

or Leeches. The "Nuh - uh" one

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLaTalullah

I laughed out loud over the naughty cakes. It wouldn't be bad, but I'm at my work desk. Thanks for the laughs

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRC

Cake 2, 3 and 4 look like leeches!

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterElaine

I ordered a two tier zebra cake for my daughters 18th birthday. We got one 4" layer on top of a 10" layer, air brushed green (I had asked for green roses - there were no roses) with what looked like stick straight frayed 1" pieces of black yarn all over it.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNisi

I think some of these are tadpoles & *gasp* leeches.

February 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterellen

Nisi: We want a photo! When I was a child, our cat would hurk in the bathtub. Really. Our current two, though, seem to favor all the routes we walk in bare feet, in addition to beds, chairs, the couch and rugs.

February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

OMG I'M a complete amateur and even I can get zebra stripes right.

February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMeridae

Well I have a feeling wreckerators don't even know what a Zebra is let alone what stripes are since all of those looked like evil worms from hell. If I saw them I would flee lol.

February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Laughed 'til I cried.

On the hairball issue -- I've got carpet almost everywhere, so I used to try to put a magazine in front of my hurking cat to save the carpet or dry-clean-only bedspread beneath. Nope, never worked. Not once. They just back away before the glop can come up, and no amount of chasing can get them to hit the magazine instead. I'd swear, at that point they are more afraid of the magazine than the vacuum cleaner.

February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMary Kay

Roses are red, violets are blue, these aren't stripes, the joke is on you! One of these things are not like the others....

February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

I think Blakely's cake could almost look more like it was "supposed" to be like a dairy cow....

February 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMJH32

We were just catching up on yesterday's post with the All Seasons Mash-up when our wee dog Branna hurled. (At least she hit the tile.) Then we came to this post and we almost hurled.

February 18, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterjeliecam

The cake with the shoe on it actually looks exactly like the photo example in the cake ordering book.

February 18, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

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