My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

AB-Solute Sexiness!

Every now and then I start thinking maybe I should diet. This is because, according to every piece of media everywhere, I am not a man until I have abs. And while I've never seen my abs, I assume they're around here somewhere - possibly hiding under 37 years of extra cheese.

Luckily, I work at Cake Wrecks and so have a handy guide as to what my abs will look like during the dieting process.

First, after losing my initial cheese-ton of weight, I'll probably just have a lot of extra loose skin:

My sexiness will have begun.


Then, after hundreds and hundreds of hours in the gym, I will develop the coveted "3 pack:"

"Look into my pectoral eyes, and weep at my chiseled beauty. WEEP, I SAY."


Which will soon begin to divide...

...and look mildly shocked at being discovered.


Later, after countless thousands more hours in the gym and a steady diet of kale and corn husks, my abs will really start to spread out:

Like Twinkies under a blanket.

Mmmm Twinkies...


And finally, after years of neverending, staggering misery, I will be able to bask in the glory of my oh-so-sexy new abs:

Like Brad Pitt, only better.
And a little more lopsided.

[head tilt]


You know, on second thought, I think my abs are happy where they are.

Right, guys?


Now, who wants Twinkies?


Thanks to Ashlee, Brandi H., Solveig, Anony M., Stephanie S., & Stephanie A. for presenting their bodies of evidence... and for sharing the snack cakes. [hint hint]


Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:

« Something's Fishy Here... And I Bet It Tastes Funny, Too | Main | See The Sweets That We Post On Sunday? THEY CALL ME »

Reader Comments (35)

#2 looks like something out The Furby Exorcist. I see a face! And it’s saying *heLp me*

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterFairly Ridiculous


July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

The "British" 3-pack cake looks like Homer Simpson is trying to emerge Alien style from that torso.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJess

Oh, the sexy sexiness of those abs cakes! MROAaa...[HURK!]

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSusanD

Anyone else see Homer Simpson in that second cake?

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLori

I'm too sexy for this cake, too sexy for this cake...

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Hmmm, I think you are fine just as you are. The first looks like the underside of a stingray, the second, Homer Simpson, the third E.T. the rest are just too disturbing to try to find something that it looks like. Though I think the last is actually a pregnant belly, I have seen many males sporting that one. LOL

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLori

I LOVE the last one! That's me!!

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersuzied

Cake number 2 looks like Homer Simpson to me. I can't not see it.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKarena

That second one looks like ET is trying to emerge, Alien-style.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Please tell me I'm not the only one who sees Homer Simpson in the British unmentionables.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterGrrly Girl

Last one: Give him Reeses...
That could be E.T.

Kale and Corn Husks - There's a difference?

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterStella

In the second cake from the top all I see is Homer Simpson! Or is it ET? Doh!!! Lol

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKim Carver

Oddly, I find the lack of bulge on the first one just as disturbing as the presence of one on cake two. Apparently there is no good, non-disturbing way to make a torso cake. Although the shocked "face" makes #2 somehow less threatening, if only because it makes me laugh. 3 and 4 are just scary and I can't decide if 5 is a pregnancy cake or a beer belly. 🤷

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

Oops! Add one to every number I said in my previous post! Actual #1 apparently didn't even register in my mind. Lol

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMaureen

The second cake looks to me like Homer Simpson is trying to escape almost facehugger style from Alien.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl Gosselin

Cake #2 looks a lot like Home Simpson. Once you see it, you won't see anything else. And what does the tattoo on Cake #4 say..."Just Marbled"?

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterCherylG41


July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

My first thought when viewing #2 is Homer Simpson. But then the long-necked robot from MST3000 starts melding into Homer's face and it's downhill from there.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterFlora

You know, when I saw your Facebook teaser about wanting Twinkies, I was thinking something totally different…

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKerry

The second one can only be described as a British Homer Simpson. And of course, that's all I could see when looking at the rest of these!

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMemere

Love this post! I giggled all the way through.

The only change I'd like to see on is a byline, so I'm warned ahead who is writing. I always expect Jen to be the writer, and it's surprising -- sometimes even a bit shocking -- to realize part way through that it's not. This one was obvious pretty quickly!

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

#2 looks like a monkey face, and #3 looks like the previous one, only surprised.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterR.

Number two is Homer Simpson’s face

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterLolle

All I see is Homer Simpson’s face above a British flag...doh!

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNorma

Pic #2 looks kind of like Homer Simpson's face. But why is he wearing a Union Jack flag jock strap under his chin?

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKathy J

Does the mildly shocked one remind anyone else of E.T.?

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

I don't know. I look at number four and I see a trilobite. And number five is a walrus who's had etching work done on his tusks.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMike

#2 & #3 look like shocked aliens. I know, I can't believe it either! At least they have the comfort of their (#4) twinkie loving pet.

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJus

"Til Mor" = To Mother! Sure hope she liked it,,,,

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAlison in Austria

Twinkie abs! I will never get that one out of my head!

July 30, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJilara

I will pass on these cakes and take the twinkies lol. So much more appealing lol.

July 31, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Becky, the bottom of the post tells who the author is. And I, too, saw Homer Simpson in No. 2.

August 2, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

I could be wrong, but I believe the cake with the handcuffs and gray tie ( #5?) is supposed to be a 50 Shades of Grey cake.

August 3, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMandaP

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