Romancing The Scone

It's National Resurrect Romance Week, minions, and as a "humor" blogger on the internet I am of course an expert on this subject.

Also John and I are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this month, and we're both still alive, so... Yeah. EXPERT.

I've graciously decided to share some of romance secrets with y'all, so let's start with a few tips:


Heyoooooooooooooh like you were expecting anything else.


Tip The First: Let your SO poop in private.

Trust me, you don't want to be the turkey in this situation. INSTANT MOOD KILLER.


Tip #2:

Build your relationship on a foundation of terrible, often nonsensical puns:

Bee-leaf me on the nonsensical part. The more confused your SO is, the more turned on they'll be.


Tip C:

I'm not saying get them drunk.

I'm typing it.

Never underestimate the power of Tip C.



Send the kids back to school. Granted, we don't have kids, but this one is apparently so effective even the bakers are hinting around at it:


5) Practice your sexy face:


6) Then maybe try a little flexing:

Just keep in mind flexing doesn't look great from every angle:


7) And finally, remember, romance isn't just about setting the mood or saying the right things or getting drunk and dancing the perfect seductive polka. No, there are other, healthy alternatives:

"Awwww yeah. Shut the door, sweetie; and bring the whole dozen."


Thanks to Sarah L., Johnnie L., Jen D., Chris J., Katie G., Noah G., Stephanie & Rejean, Carolyn C., & Amy K. for keeping love alive.


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And from my other blog, Epbot: