Wedding Cakes

Here comes the bri...AAAAAUUGGHHH!!!

Brides these days. [shaking head] When the big day arrives, some of them can reeeally lose their heads, you know?

That's the wedding cake.


Uh, maybe I should give you a moment.


All better? Have all your co-workers/family members gathered around the screen in response to your shrieks? Good. 'Cuz I want to talk about the consultation that resulted in this cake. Do you suppose it went something like this?

Bride: I want my wedding cake to look like my dress.

Baker: Sure, no problem. You want it on a dress form?

Bride: [scoffing] Uh, no-oo! It has to be on a body. MY body.

Baker: Wait, you want a full cake statue of yourself? Like this? [shows photo of infamous bride cake]

Bride: Ew, no! Who'd want to eat my head or arms? That's gross.

Baker: [relieved] Oh, good, 'cuz for a second there...

Bride: So just leave my head and arms off.


Here's another view: The limbless bride surveying her domain.

As you can see, the bride (the headed one, I mean) thought it would be cute to put her veil on the neck stump after the ceremony. Which certainly adds...well, a veil to the neck stump.


But you know what my favorite part is? Go on, guess.

No, not that. Or that. Hah! Good point, but no. Look, I'll just tell you, shall I?

Ok, it's this: the shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me. Here, look at the first photo again and tell me you don't see a plucked headless chicken in a dress trying to flap off to freedom:

Flap flap flap.

You see it, don't you?

And if not, rest assured Headless Plucked Chicken Bride will be seeing YOU - in your dreams.



Sleep tight, Anony M.


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And from my other blog, Epbot:


We can only post what you minions send in, and lately there's been a dry spell in everyone's favorite department:

So imagine my delight when we got three wedding wrecks this week! And I'm not talking the Bridezilla-ish "I wanted sand beige and the baker gave us ecru" - these are actually horrible!


Maybe I shouldn't be this happy about that.


Luanne H. writes, "We hired a local catering lady to do our cake. She showed up 45 minutes late, and THIS IS THE CAKE SHE PRESENTED TO US!!!


Yep, I'd say that's a wreck that deserves all caps and three exclamation marks, Luanne. Condolences.



Jessi H. writes, "When I showed the baker this cake, her literal reaction was, 'That's it? That's all you want? That's so simple!'"

Hey, confidence is good, right?
Unless of course it's on THIS blog, so... BUCKLE UP.

Please, Jessi, do go on.


"The day of the wedding, during the cake cutting, we joked about how we really didn't know how to cut it, but it didn't matter because we couldn't possibly make it look worse."

Ahh, but then...


They took the greenery off.




And finally, Stevie R. writes: "I paid $400 for this..."


"...and got this:"



Thanks to Luanne H., Jessi H., and Stevie R. for sharing your pain. And to the rest of you, don't you have a wedding wreck to send us?!


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