What The Fern?

Far be it from me to question the existence of any cake - it's CAKE, after all - but sometimes, when I'm staring with horrified fascination at a spotted vomitous mass one of you found on a display shelf, I have to ask myself: "Hey, what's that little blue duck doing there?"

We may never know what these bakers are thinking/inhaling behind closed bakery doors, of course, but at least their creations make for some fun cake titles!

You know, like:

The Argyle Dog Beat Poet

"WOMAN. Whoah, man. Whoooooah, MAN.
SHE WAS A THIEF.
YOU GOTTA BE LEAF.
SHE STOLE MY HEART AND MY CAT."
[extinguishes cigarette in sponge beard]

What The Fern?

Is it your houseplant's birthday?
Did you forget to order a custom airbrush portrait?
NO PROBLEM.
This bakery's got you covered!

Suckling Pigs Struggle to Stay Afloat While Mama Stares Wistfully at a Trough of Gigantic Candy Corn:

I'm trying to imagine an occasion for this cookie cake that isn't disturbing.
Trying, and failing.

Death By Trash Can (While a Small Penguin Watches):

"Stanley gaped in horror. Someone had thrown away a perfectly good half-jar of mayonnaise! What was the world coming to?!"

(I'm kind of cheating with this one, since it was probably a custom order. Still, it always amazes me when bakeries use stuff like this to advertise on their websites. Just how big of a market IS there for dead bodies sticking out of trash cans, anyway? Or do I not want to know? o.0)

Of course, even when you do know what the baker was thinking, that's still no guarantee the wreck will make any more sense.

What's that? You want an example?

Aw, I thought you'd never ask.

Sarah T. asked for her wedding cake to look like a mountain, and with a climbing rope tied at the base to signify "tying the knot."

She got this:

Great yodeling lederhosen!!

I will never look at moldy chunks of insulation or albino ears the same way again.

Thanks to Stephen O., Viola D., Jill N., Christy E., Eva F., and Sarah T. for the excuse to use the words "yodeling lederhosen" together. Life achievement, unlocked!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Keep It Simple, Stupid

Bride-to-be Coley got engaged in Hershey Park, so for her bridal shower her friends thought it would be fun to have a giant Hershey Kiss cake. Cool idea, right? Especially since, as far as shaped cakes go, a kiss shouldn't be that hard - I mean, it's not like it's a football helmet or anything.

In fact, while looking for a reference just now I found this one by Carrie of Half Baked. It's actually a cupcake, but c'mon: SO CUTE.

So just imagine this, only bigger. That's what they wanted for Coley's shower.

Instead, Coley's sister Tammy sent me a picture of what they did get, along with many emphatic assurances that yes, they actually paid for it (though "only" about $60), and yes, it was made by an actual "cake decorator" - though I should note she did put that part in quotes.

The cake was wrapped in tinfoil, a brilliant move on the "decorator's" part if ever I saw one, since that way no one saw the cake's true glory until it came time to serve it at the party.

At which point they unwrapped it to reveal...

....this:

Um...

 Ok, call me crazy, but is that top reminding anyone else of those creepy weed guys in Ursula's lair?

No? Just me?

Ok then.

Thanks to Tammy and Coley for the kiss and tell.

*****

P.S. My "related searches" kind of got away from me today, but I think you'll approve:

"Hiss" Punny Cats Parody T-Shirt

Lots more colors and shirt styles available at the link.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: