The Clucking Dead

Because bakeries are running out of ideas, I give you:

John Deere Zombie Chickens!

Also known as The Clucking Dead.

On a scale of 1 to gouging-out-your-own-eyes, how disturbing is this?

Personally, I think it falls somewhere between "Ped Eggs" and toddlers-who-won't-break-eye-contact.
[shudder]

But really, the best part are the buttons. Go on, think about it.

Ever heard the expression, "getting sh**-faced?"

'Cuz someone took that WAY too literally

Ew.

Angie wanted to get her friend a cake, but there was a problem: apparently "Happy 50th Birthday, Melissa" wouldn't fit.

But don't worry, the baker was still able to squeeze something out:

So moving.

(Do you suppose the baker was wiped after this? Flushed with success? Ready for the next stream of orders? Hey, where are you going? [HAHA THAT WAS STILL A PUN] Come back! I haven't used my famous "You're in trouble" line yet!)

Thanks to Sarah P., Dimitra L., Gina V., & Angie W. for caring enough... to give a crap.

I’m so excited, y’all; I’ve been waiting to post this one for AGES:

Squatty Potty Dookie The Pooping Unicorn

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Shower The People You Love With... NOT THAT

So, you're throwing a baby shower? Sweet!

I CAN HELP.

Now, you may want the cake to say something about the baby's gender.

Or perhaps a sweet sentiment for the mom-to-be.

Don't let the bakery choose your decorations, though, or you could end up like Jennifer L, who spent her party trying to figure out what this was supposed to be:

HELPFUL REAR VIEW ZOOM:

Spoiler Alert: It's a butt. A disembodied butt.

Remember the days of baby blocks and teddy bears? Yeah. Those were nice days.

Speaking of confusing baby shower designs...

I see a pox-covered pig covering his eyes.

You?

By this point, dear reader, perhaps you've decided to nix the cake and just make cookies instead.

EXCELLENT.

I recommend something that celebrates life, creation, and of course, getting lucky:

It's a rainbow cookie cutter.

Sicko.

Thanks to Jessica D., Meaghan P., Jennifer L., Aixa L., & Aimie T. for sharing both her pot of gold AND her gutter. I'd tell you to get your mind outta there, Aimie, but the rest of us like the company.

P.S. If you ARE going to a baby shower, I found the perfect box for your gift:

Prank Pack Joke Box

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: