LEGGO MY LEGO!

Did you know LEGO will be 88 years old this year? Yep, that's 88 whole years of tiny bruises and hopping around the house on one foot while cursing - which is definitely grounds for cake.

Hmm. Maybe a LEGO cake would be more appetizing.

Now, in theory, a LEGO brick cake is pretty simple to make: just stack cupcakes on a sheet cake, frost the whole shebang, and then stick as many LEGO flotsam pieces on it as possible so people don't think you've created an edible skin rash:

 I have an irresistible urge to step on this.

You can also use the time-tested, wreckerator-approved method of just writing what the cake is supposed to be ON the cake, so people are sure to get the hint:

If I were Kyle, I'd be hoping there were another 9 cakes waiting in the wings.

Still, those aren't half bad for homemade, right? Of course, they're not homemade, they're professional. And so is this:

(The Cliffs of INSANITY!)

And this:

It's like the underside of a sheep belly. A cold sheep belly.

(Ok, not THAT cold, but still, you know, pretty cold.)

And this:

There's a "sh***ing bricks" joke in here SOMEWHERE, I just know it.

If you want your LEGO cake to get really confusing, just add crayon candles:

I see a pair of goggles exploding rainbows. Which is almost awesome.

And you're never going to believe it, but this, too, is a professionally made "LEGO" brick cake:

[looking around]

[shifty eyes]

Ok, if no one else is going to say it, I will:

LEGO NIPPLES.

FUN FACT: The little bumps on LEGO bricks are called "studs."

FUNNER FACT: Today's wreckporters Breanna, Amanda K., Cindy S., Autumn & Dylan, Sondra D., Brian K., Gwen I., & Cricket are total stud-magnets. Awww yeeeeah. (Also: ouch.)

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Did you know LEGO makes cute little LEGO cakes?

LEGO Duplo "My First Celebration"

We've come full circle!

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Mess With The Cake, Get The Claws

They say Big Brother is watching, but really, who needs covert surveillance when we've got bakers writing down our every word?

Baker: "I'm sorry, could you speak up? I lost you after [consulting notes] 'knuckleheaded baker with the reading comprehension of a coked-up ferret.'"

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Jack wanted a volcano on his cake, because - and I cannot stress this enough - Jack is seven.

Somebody get this kid a Metamucil, stat.

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And finally, this last one is going to separate the women from the other women who know more pastry names than the first women.

Ready?

Mercer University's mascot is a bear, so Coleen asked her bakery to put a bear claw on her MU cake.

Which, technically, they did:

If you're like me and wondering what the heck that powdered sugar spine is, that's a pastry called a Bear Claw.

See? Now it makes sense!

Thanks to Rob M., Paige E., & Coleen B. for the dramatic paws.

And hey, if you have a thing for bear claws - which is a sentence I never envisioned myself typing back in college, but I'm sure my English professor would be proud of - I found some insanely popular telescoping bear claw back scratchers over on Amazon:

Why? I have no idea. But you get 5 for $8, so I'm guessing that has something to do with all the rave reviews. And really, as often as John requests a good back scratch, maybe I should grab him a set?

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And from my other blog, Epbot: