My New Favorite Wedding Cake

Roses are red,

Butterflies are blue,

Um...

Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?

Poem Option #2:

The cake that keeps giving,
and makes your guests squirm,
'Cause nothing says "marriage,"
like butterflies and sperm!

Poem Option #3:

Roses are red
And cake can be pretty.
How sad for you,
'Cuz yours looks all...
[eyeing children]
...unpleasant.

Thanks to Kristen G., who wishes more things rhymed with "tadpoles." Or is that just me?

Move Over, Hallmark

Tired of the same ol' "Happy Birthday"s, "Congraderaultions", and "I Want Sprinkles?" Then consider these inspiring sentiments the next time you order a cake.

Perfect for the neighbor kid's party!

Assuming you're moving soon, of course.

Here's a solid, any-occasion choice:

Although it's especially effective when dropped off anonymously in the office break room.

For when the get-well and sympathy cards just seem too namby-pamby.

Because you can never be too specific.

I think I speak for Amy & Claudia when I say: that had better be chocolate.

There's this new "budget-friendly" home insurance plan around: It doesn't actually cover any losses, but you do get this nice cookie cake:

If only all bad news were delivered via cake. Can you imagine?

"He's breaking up with me?? Why that lousy, rotten, om nom nom ooh, hey! Raspberry filling!"

Thanks to Anony M., Kris K., Lauren M., Gal N., Amy D., & Melissa K., who might go back to cards after this.

*****

P.S. Prepare for a triple dose of "Awww," because LOOK HOW CUTE:

Rex the Green Dragon

This teeny pocket-sized dragon comes in a bunch of different styles: wearing aviator goggles, nursing a singed wing, even skateboarding, heh. It's hard to pick a favorite; they're all so stinking adorable!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: