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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jun302011

My New Favorite Wedding Cake

Roses are red,

Butterflies are blue,

Um...

Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?



Poem Option #2:

The cake that keeps giving,
and makes your guests squirm,

'Cause nothing says "marriage,"

like butterflies and sperm!

Poem Option #3:

Roses are red
And cake can be pretty
.
How sad for you,

'Cuz yours looks all...
[eyeing children]
...unpleasant.


(Betting this cake will be pulled by baker request in 3...2...)

Thanks to Kristen G., who wishes more things rhymed with "tadpoles." Or is that just me?

« Big Bangs | Main | The Far Side of the Bakery »

Reader Comments (149)

Even that blue color is funky! But maybe they really wanted a greyish blue cake with butterflies and sperm, even though I don't think those two go together.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonkaloosa

Poem option #2!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh, what a shame! The butterflies are lovely, but the balloons(?) just didn't turn out quite right.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnne-with-an-e

Are they supposed to be balloons? Even that doesn't make any sense...

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTiny Treats

Well, I wonder what the supplemental post will bring. Or to what people will think these early comments are referring when the picture is of Spaceship Earth. [walks away, whistling...]

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig

I want to say this cake had potential, the coloring isn't TERRIBLE and the butterflies are cute, but who on earth thought to put balloons (?) on the stupid thing? How random.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

I guess I can see butterflies and balloons together...Perhaps it was the wedding's theme. But really, it's not hard to roll gumpaste or fondant in order to make 'string'. And what's up with the balloons with the string that loops? Someone must have a very bad cookie cutter or electronic cutting machine image! Lame.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeannie D.

i don't get what the implied rhyme in poem 3# is? help me enjoy the humor!!!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMisssy_T

I want a cake
That honors the tadpole
So I can salute
My fertile groom's tadpole.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlindas

I painted my powder room that color just this week and I'm not thrilled with it. Maybe I'll try stenciling butterflies and sperm on the walls before I repaint them. It just might work.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Missy,
What rhymes with "pretty?"
Witty?
Bitty?
Kitty?
C'mon, you can do this!
I have faith in you!!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Will and Kate's cake? (What with the pressure to produce an immediate heir and all)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDonna

Ahhh - the benefit of seeing CW first thing in the morning - you get to see all of the cakes before they're pulled :D

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnna

I am guessing those are supposed to be balloons. If the balloons were in various colors it would have avoided this confusion...or we would have been making fun of the rainbow sperm ;-)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

I'd love a cake,
With sperm-balloons.
Those who don't like it,
Are all baboons.

?

A fertile cake,
Is what most brides covet.
Add some insects,
And everyone will love it!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAmy'sMom

I think that baker is a visionary! They have certainly planted a seed for future cakes to come!

WV: somess - I think you have somess of that wedding cake on your chin.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenniffer

I'm so glad I got a chance to see this before it gets all Epcoty. Also, I adore poem #3.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJeskalee

OOOOH rainbow sperm.
That would be soooo pretty!!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's honestly very well done. Getting buttercream that smooth and straight edged is quite a feat. I think the blue color is just fine too. But yes, those balloons (as I assume they are suppose to be) just don't look much like balloons.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSummer

I'm glad I saw this cake,
Before it was pulled by the wrecker.
The sperm makes me think,
Of that bat cake that looked like a...

Sorry, I'm still having nightmares about that cake.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

That's too bad, because I actually like the color and those butterflies are really cute! And it's not fondant, which is to be commended, but the icing is still appealingly smooth. Could have been just a very nice, simple cake in a Wedgwood style.

WV: berver - one who dishes out slices of a cake wreck.
"Please feel free to tell your berver if you prefer a slice with extra... balloons."

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteremily

Hmm, Maybe the bride was pregnant.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhomeschoolmommy

I bet that baker had a lot of spunk!

WV: phants - What you have to pull down when it is time to make another wedding cake like this.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChad

I think the color is supposed to be wedgewood blue... to me the cake looks like fine pottery. With sperm.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCatherine

Awww....sad! I mean, I actually like the colors (I'm a sucker for Wedgewood) and the butterflies are lovely. I even like the idea of the balloons...and you'd better believe that if I EVER decide to do a balloon-festooned cake, I will come back here and find that post from a few months ago that showed the difference between SPERM and BALLOONS.

Heh.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAunt LoLo

I guess the baker thought the cake looked naked and needed... something on it. S/he coulda chose sprinkles, but nooooo!

WV: ovestion - an ovum's question on why there are sperm all over a cake when they should be swimming somewhere more productive.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBeverly Diehl

balloons? Actually, I'm calling those ballons. Because that's the latest misspelling I'm seeing of balloon. Those a ballons. Or tadpoles. And butterflies. Because those usually go together.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermimi

Butterfly-sized sperm?
We need another Valium,
surg'ry for the groom.

Globe-sized butterflies?
Will they battle Hitchcock's Birds
and win? Maybe yes.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

That's what you get when you let the mothers of the bride and groom plan the cake. A bit heavy on the hinting for grandchildren side though!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Wow. I get to see a cake that's likely to be pulled BEFORE it gets pulled! How'd I get so lucky?

And I agree that the butterflies are really, really well done. I even like the color. But the 'balloons'... I just don't get it. I'd never have thought to put butterflies and balloons together - even when the balloons actually look like balloons.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngie

We need more info!! Was it a joke? Were they supposed to be balloons? Did the bride have a full out tantrum when she saw it? We need the back story!!!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What I want to know is, why do the wreckorators think that balloon strings wriggle like flagella? I've seen a lot of balloons, and I've never seen one with a creepy twisty flagellum string. Are wreckorators from another planet? Actually that would explain a lot. Hmm...

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBB, Miami

Not badly done, but wrong on SOOO many levels D:

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

AT least the buttercream was smooth. Past that, this cake has more issues than just sperm on a cake!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

I'll agree with others here-- the cake is actually quite well done, so I don't think it's the bakers fault; likely the wedding couple. So don't yank it!!

The colour's the exact same blue-grey I have in my study; works well there, and I can see it making nice modern bridesmaid's dresses, but I'm not sure about on a cake but that's just differing taste not wreck.

As for the sperm-- I really don't think those are balloons!-- I'm assuming shotgun wedding of a bride with a sense of humour? I hope. But yup, that definitely earned a "WTF" stare!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

This screams for a limerick:

There once was a cake iced in blue
Meant to feed 'bout a hundred or 2
Schools of sickly white sperm
Made the guests all say "Erm.
I'm not going to eat it, are you?"

Of course, I really wanted to do the quintessential limerick, but I had trouble with the *last* rhyme, so I decided to make it interactive. Pease use the word bank at the end of the poem -- or you can use one of your own -- for some good, clean fun:

There once was a cake from Nantucket
Topped with rolled fondant sperm by the bucket
Baker said "That looks bad.
The bride's gonna be mad.
But for what they pay me, they can ___________ it."

Word Bank:
Muck: They can drop it in muck.
Tuck: They can tuck in and eat it anyway.
Yuck: They can look at it and say "yuck".
Or, choose your own! ;)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

I get it! Both butterflies and balloons fly! (Well, not quite in the same way of course... )

Sharon

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Weddings evolved from
Fertility rites.
And this cake represents
The new couple's first night.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteradiposerex

This reminds me of an episode of Amazing Wedding Cakes and that young baker featured on there did a black and white wedding cake that appeared to be covered in sperm. His website is flash so you can't link a pic but even though it was oohed and aahhed over all I saw was the black sperm on it. Maybe I spend too much time reading Jen's comments. =)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather J.

Roses are red
This cake is gray
Sneaking in with the butterflies,
The sperm come to play!

Lol, I swear, cake decorators should be required to read this blog before being allowed to touch a cake. Then, just maybe, they would know the difference between balloons and sperm.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLunamothMama

The good news is, nobody will notice the rough, dented, oil-slick finish on the icing.

The bad news...

Someone wrecked my cake tonight, Sugarbear
Please put down the piping bag, won't you, dear?
I very nearly split my sides
Tadpoles got me hypnotized
Sweet fondant, what's the deal here?
Bukkake butterflies?
Poor butterflies had better fly
Shy away, hide away, bye-bye
oooOOOoooOOOooo-ooOOoo

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterUnknown

This would be an awesome baby shower cake for a mother-to-be with a good sense of humor.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

*snickers* I'm gonna have to check back over various times today to see if it does get pulled. But it is a shame those balloons are in such a questionable shape....

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTazzy

Comments are hilarious today! :)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This cake was made for a lepidopterist who was in the Navy reserves who married a sailor, thus, naturally, butterflies and seamen.

wv-kiststs: After the wedding, the bride and groom kiststs for a long time.

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

if the balloons were all different colors , it would have been a very nice disney pixar UP cake, with butterflies

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertiny p elephant

One of my ultimate goals
Was to decorate a cake with tadpoles
Adding butterflies my dear
Was a mistake I fear
Since the bride has just call me a**hole

Alright, that's the best you get this early in the morning for a rhyming tadpole!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAdo Annie

It's quite obvious that this is a traditional fertility cake. Only the most civilized of weddings, wanting to produce offspring in a most immediate fashion feature such cakes.

That or a bridezilla really ticked off her wreckerator!

I have to say, I don't think those are supposed to be balloons. I think they're supposed to be sperm. Which makes me wish I had been invited to this wedding...there's got to be a good story there somewhere. At any rate, if someone requested a blue wedding cake with butterflies and sperm, this cake is a success!

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJessica E

Someday you need to feature a cake with balloons done correctly --- just to show us it's possible. :)

June 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe English Teacher

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