My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Big Bangs

Note: Today's post contains a word that starts with "p" and rhymes with "Venus." Parents, please parent accordingly.

Before you head out to stock up on fireworks this weekend, here's a handy tip from the folks over at Lamebook:

Perhaps I should rephrase that.

(Also: ow.)

What I meant was, when it comes to fireworks, you really want the most bang for your buck:

So always look for the cartoon steam whistle shouting, "Bang!"

You should also familiarize yourself with what fireworks actually look like, so you don't end up with a bunch of...bombs. (See what I did there?)

Even if they are patriotically potent powerful penis-ish ones.

No, trust me, you don't want sprinkles.

I see...slushies.

Oh my gosh! They killed Blinky!

(That's the red ghost from Pac-Man, kids. Now stop making me feel old.)

Important rocket safety tip:

The flamey bits should always come out the back.

Also, don't forget your patriotic donut holes!

At least they remembered the blue balls this time.

Oh, and Canada, lest you think I've forgotten you:

Happy Bloody Band Aid day!

(Once you see it, it's all you'll see.)

Thanks to Jessica G., Dawn S., Gail D., Deanna T., Amber S., Leanne O., Saralyn T., & Jennifer O., who make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh" while they shoot across the sky-y-y.

In a firework-y way, I mean.

Not a penis-ishy way.

NEW GOAL: Work the word "penis-ishy" into as many conversation today as possible. Starting...NOW.

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Reader Comments (65)

LMAO, I knew who Blinky was without the help. You're not old! :)


July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMrs B.

Penis-ishy. Best word ever.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristie

That first one is a doozy! It totally made me blush.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

Rumor has it that the one dollar bill has a connection with a prominent secret society. I believe the celebration of Independence Day has a connection
with another type of celebration, if you know what I mean. These pictures, fireworks going off, shooting in the sky, all make things so much clearer.

This entire 4th of July celebration is penis-ishy suspicious to me.


A big tip of the ol' you for these

wv-crochs: When using fireworks, everyone should also protect their crochs.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermel

The guy at the DQ did that on purpose. There is NO WAY that was not on purpose. I refuse to believe otherwise.

WV: peninon when bakers try and get penises onto cakes anonymously and call it something else, it's a peninon.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermimi

From now on I will call those who disagree with me politically, "Patriotic Donut Holes.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Patriotic Penishes?
All those cakes should be washed, right down the patriotic drainishes.
Great post.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay, so this post reminds me of NicePeter's (ha!) epic rap battle of history between Napolean Dynamite and Napolean Bonaparte.... you'll see why at the end.

(if you love that, than you must watch Einstein vs. Steven Hawking)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLittle Lovables

The first thought that went through my head when I saw Cake #1 - Wow! Captain America is getting all...penis-ishy!! Then I read your comments and found out it was just a messed up fire cracker. Ho hum.

wv - underse: I bet Ariel doesn't have one of those underse!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Don't worry. If your cakes are "penis-ishy," you just need frosting made with "penis-illen."

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSharyn

That first one is wrong on SO many levels.... O_o as for the others-have they any idea what a firecracker looks like???

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Happy Bloody Band Aid day to you too, J&J at Cake Wrecks! :)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterL.B.

My husband thinks I'm nuts because I'm chortling. I'm afraid to show him the page.

I don't think he'd appreciate the "-ishy" part of penis-ishy.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

I think I see the trouble here. None of these decorators have ever seen a real firecracker. Explains so much!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

These cakes are perniciously penis-ishy!

(Has anyone else noticed that penis-ishy is really hard to type, let alone say?)

WF: herfu. I don't think I'm going to go there.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterelissa

Reading CW and Epbot in the mornings ALWAYS give me a great jumpstart for my day! Thank you so very very much for all the laughs!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterEmmer

Those are great! In a horrible way. But I have to say the "bloody band-aid" one brought me to tears!!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle S

No... No... No... No... No...

Also, those blue doughnut holes look moldy.

Now, back to No... No... No... No...

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer

Baby, you're a penis!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLaurel

ok, the first one makes me think the baker obviously just broke up with their bf...

and i just about died laughing when the blue balls made their appearance...

and lastly... penis-ishy?!?!? well.. now i'm laughing soo hard i'm crying! what a way to start the holiday weekend!!


July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAshbuny

Clyde will never recover from the loss of Blinky.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. A-a-a-a afternoon delight!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When I saw poor Blinky dead, I honestly heard the PacMan dead sound.

And penis-ishy is totally the new word for the day!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaJ

Very penisishy. Certain thinng just dont look good as a cake.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMinniemissy

Penis-ishy fireworks are da bomb.

Just not on cakes.
(Yay! I used the new word!)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Anonymous said...
From now on I will call those who disagree with me politically, "Patriotic Donut Holes.

~falls off chair, laughing~

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpinkie

The Canada Day cake is in honor of the worst injury ever received in Canada's brave struggle for independence. Yeah, a guy got a nasty paper cut while handling the paperwork! :D

I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Well, sorta.

WV: flyin
I don't think those cakes will be flyin off the shelves unless it's straight into the garbage can.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterpikkewyntjie

Makes me proud to be an American and wish I were a Canadian.

Great post!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My darling almost-4-yo saw #3 and said, "Look, Mom, a lighthouse!" Glad she's not quite reading yet to truly enjoy today's post.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertari

It's a 4th of July salute to modern medical practices-- bloody band-aids, and I swear that first one has something to do with a catheter.

wv: poopme. I am too stunned to think of anything to say, aside from "oh, sh*t, you've gotta be kidding."

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterwaffles

If we were to get Sigmund Freud to read the posts and the comments herein, I think he would have had a O HAI penis-ishy day!


July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterNami

Whistle feels blue, bummed.
Who dares light his fire? Who is
brave enough for "bang?"

wv: surefan

It's too easy.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Who knew fireworks could be so weiner-ish.... OOORRRR... Who knew so many people had gutter brain?? haha

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

My own haiku just made me blush when I came back to read it. That's how I know it's good.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHaiku Joy

Wow....just wow. After reading Jen's Epbot post yesterday, John, I was expecting something much more . . . um . . . Canadian . . . instead of penis-ishy. But these cakes are certainly . . . um. . . interesting, to say the least. Hopefully the Canadians among us aren't offended by the bloody bandaid cake. LOL

WV: impacke - (yes, really!) WOW! Look at those "fireworks"! They really make a HUGE impacke! ;)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

I think that first one is a tribute to Post Candiru Trauma Syndrome... (blinkblink)...

Penisishly! (hahahahahahahaha!)

WV - Yingle: Yah, dat yingle looks infected, Sven... You should see da doc about it... You might have a Candiru in dere.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma!

My wv. is "bursts"! Really! Is it possible that it is just coincidence? Seems a little penis-ishy to me.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterzoomom

Penis-ishy? I thought she was a vagina...

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered Commentermizdarlin

The 'Patriotic Donot Holes' remind me of all the 'patriotically' painted bollards, walls and street lights they have around here. Some how i think shouting ''Vive La France'' every time i see them, wouldn't actually go down too well.
Yeah I live in Northern Ireland.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTarri

Uh, is it just me, or does that third cake look like an Independence Day Christmas stocking?

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe English Teacher

i showed this to my mom's boss and she thought it was hysterical. love it when bosses decide it's okay to have a sense of humor on the job :)

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTerrrs-uh

Did anyone else read "bloody band-aid" with a British accent in your head?

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJMB

Ohhhhhh my.... Do people really pay for these things!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow, yesterday we had sperm, today we have maker-of-sperm.

Love it!!!!

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am canadian and totally offended by the bloody bandaid comment... You bunch of Patriotic Donut Holes.

Just kidding. I think the baker of the canada cake must of been celebrating Canada Day a little early, and we do that by walking to the beer store, bringing home a 2-4, drinking and repeating as nessicary.

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Er, uh... [fondly remembering the days when wreckerators were not sure how many stripes the Flag should have or were perhaps confused about the color scheme.]

@pikkewyntjie, as an American who has zero use for bureaucrats regardless of nationality, I find your comment completely non-offensive. Not to mention funny.

That said, think I'll mosey on over to the shelter, just in case. I'll bring some Canada Dry Cream Soda and some non-patriotic donut holes. (I have a lingering suspicion of red food coloring while blue...well, you know, is really not my idea of 'guy food'. It's that whole 'you are what you eat' thing (shudders).

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCraig


Just. wow.


-Barbara Anne

July 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That first one is just perspective, the top of the firecracker.

July 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That thing on the Canada cake reminds me of Santa's belt. 'Cause you know, he lives up in northern Canada... where it's cold... maybe...

July 2, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterChristine

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