FROSTED FEAR: The Snow Man Cometh

Someone...
is watching:

But it's not Santa.

He could be in your basement.
He could be in your room.
But most likely...

HE'S IN YOUR BAKERY.

"Diet soda? You know how bad that stuff is for you?"

So run, run, run, as fast as you can:

Because these snowmen:

are out
FOR BLOOD:

[Wilhelm scream]

There will be FIGHTS:

"Put 'em up, ya frosted flake!"

There will be PUNS:

"A-HA! Who's disarmed now, bee-yotch??"

And HEADS will ROLL:

"Little help here?"

"We'll bite your legs off!"

But mostly...

there will...

be...

TERROR.

At least until the hot cocoa is ready.
Then those suckers are goin' DOWN.

Thanks to Adria P., Mark H., Anony M., Cheyenne A., Jessie T., Andi L., Vanessa M., Bethany S., Tom B., and Dyan B., who are stockpiling flame throwers, just in case. (And don't worry, guys; I'll bring the marshmallows!)

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I just found the most delightfully wacky gift: it's a build-your-own-snowman that slowly melts at room temperature, so you can keep rebuilding it over and over:

"Let It Melt!" Snowman Kit

There's a metaphor here for 2020, I just know it. Or think of all the profile picture potential!
Also be sure to browse the customer photos on this one, they're a riot. :P
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And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Festival Of Slights

In the mad rush to get custom Hanukkah treats out, sometimes mistakes happen.

You might misspell something:

(Ooh! That's a new one!)

Or get a little carried away with your store's "Hanukkah House" display:

Or maybe - juuust maybe - you might put several dozen upside-down Halloween temporary tattoos on all your store's Hanukkah cupcakes, thinking they were dreidels. Or maybe Stars of David. But definitely something Jewish.

Still better than snowflakes.

My wreckporter-who-wishes-to-remain-anonymous tells me this baker had to hand-cut dozens and dozens of these, and never once noticed that they all say Happy Halloween. Or that they're big spiderwebs. With a dangling spider. That looks like this:

Oy.
Vay.

Thanks to Marlo D., Shoshana F., & Anony M. for an excellent start to Chaunnaka 2020!

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I asked John if this would offend anyone - and let's be real, this is the internet, of course it will - but it gave me a loud snort laugh, so I'm going for it:

"Not Today Santa" Hanukkah Shirt

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And from my other blog, Epbot: