Jen Tells An Easter Story

Gather round, little Easter cakes, and I'll tell you a story.

"Is it a scary story?"

Yes.

"But I don't LIKE scawwy stowies."

TOUGH.

Oh, ok, ok. I'm sorry. Don't cry. Hey, you know what? It actually ISN'T a scary story, it's a happy, funny story. 

So Wilhelm, you can stop holding your breath now:

[PHEEEW!]

Ok, here we go. 

Once upon a time - a really FUNNY, HAPPY time - a group of bunny rabbits found a field filled with the most enormous carrots.

"Did one of the rabbits have all his legs sprouting from his chest upside down and backwards, too?

 Yeah, sure.

"Yay! Harold's in the story!"

 Yes, yes, it's wonderful. 

Shaddup. 

 Ok. So. Suddenly, the giant carrots in the field rose up and ATE ALL THE BUNNIES.

And the bunnies were all, "AAA! We're being eaten by giant carrots!"

[pause]

 "Uh, that doesn't seem very happy OR funny...."

 Well, the rabbits thought it was very funny to be eaten.

***

Now why are YOU guys crying?

[sniffling] "You said this was a GOOD story."

 It is! I just haven't gotten to the best part yet! See, next a bunch of little chickens came along and found these ENORMOUS chocolate chip cookies lying around. And then the FUNNIEST thing ever happened. Haha! Can you guess? Well, can you?

You know what, never mind. It's nap time. THE END.

Thanks to Caroline V., Allison N., Rachael J., Adash, Brian & Courtney, KJ, Robin G., Carrie M., Anne B., Su M., Twist, & Larissa B. for helping show why I'm such a terrible babysitter.

*****

P.S. I'm told this is ALSO a happy funny story. Or at least funny.

Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide To Hosting The Perfect Funeral

Also it's not so much a story as a guideline. But still. Funny.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

And Boobie, When You Call Me, You Can Call Me Hell

It's time for part 2 of fabulous new nicknames! (Click here for part 1.)

Another 3-letter-name goes up in flames:

(Aw, Hal.)

Let's see if you can guess the rest without any help:

"The 'N' is silent."

Whether you're Stephen with a 'ph' or Steven with a 'v,' I've got you covered:

It's pronounced "Stiv-FEN."
'Cuz you put the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLAble.

Oh, that's Rich.

If ever a wreck deserved "congram," it's this one.

Remember: Always be yourself - unless you can be Batman. Then be Batman.

Especially if you're this guy.

(Before you yell at me, the name IS misspelled.)

And now, to show off my 'Street cred:

Mana Mana
Do DOO de doo-doo
Mana Mana
De DOO DOO DOO
Mana Mana
De DOO de doo-doo, de doo-doo, de doo-doo
de DO DO DOO-DOO DO KILL ME NOW.

Ahem.

Sure, I know it's tough having your own birthday cake misspelled, but hey, even celebrities aren't immune! Case in point; here's comedian Jim Gaffigan's birthday cake:

Or, as I like to call him, The Big D-gim.

Thanks to Hal B., Meagan C., Monica S., Sarah K., Patricia S., Melene H., Rachel J., Robyn R., Sam H., Sharon W., & Desay for telling the Big D-gim that the Grand Jennizzle says "howdy."

*****

P.S. Now that I've given you the ear worm, you can buy the t-shirt!

Women's "Mahna Mahna" V-Neck Shirt

It also comes in a bunch more colors.

The men's cut has a slightly different design, but is equally awesome.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: