Ode To Moms' Body of Work

WARNING: Today's cakes depict childbirth, and are therefore not appropriate for children. Enjoy the irony. (And I'm guessing your boss won't approve, either.)

***

Today, my dear minions, we look at the beauty of motherhood.

...in all its lumpy, oh-so-appetizing glory.

(Anyone else see a screaming face in there?)

Yes, moms, you are the oysters from which baby pearls spring.

You are the pod, full of anthropomorphic pea people.

You are the oven, stuffed with DANG GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR HANDS?!

Ahem. Sorry.

I of course meant "what's wrong with your glorious hands?"

Moms, we all know that giving birth is your single most crowning achievement - and I mean that in the most literal way possible.

So lets thank the anonymous submitter who made this photo collage for us. Just think: without the upper right angle there, we'd never have known this cake had an anus!

Moms assure me you forget all that pain, though, once they bring out your little bundle, all wrapped up:

Not like that.

NOT LIKE THAT!

Uh... You know, on second thought, let's get that plastic wrap back on.

So here's to you, moms, as you look forward to the day when all the sleepless nights and cleaning poop out of your hair will be worth it.

Because someday - maybe even one day soon! - your kids will realize everything you've done for them, and will want to express to you exactly how they feel.

And it will be glorious.

Thanks to Janie M., Hannah L., Anony M., Joshua T., & Candy D. for reminding us that Moomy knows best.

*****

P.S. This book cracks me up, it's the perfect gift for a baby shower or any mom who needs a laugh:

Brain Cakes For Babies: Yay Or Nay?

If you have a daughter named Brandon, guess what you get asked the most?

I'm kind of loving the piping gymnastics the baker had to go through to fit all that on there. Do you think at any point she stopped to wonder... ?

Naaaah.

Uh, guys? Did I miss something? Are brain cakes for babies a thing now?

Because the pics of little Toby covered in red cake gore are seriously not safe for life.

Believe it or not, though, that's not the wreck. See, someone else wanted a cake just like that for their baby... but instead they got this:

It looks like a big mushy ball of Mac n' Cheese. Which, let's be honest, is WAY BETTER THAN BRAIN CAKES FOR BABIES, mmkay? Yeesh.

Ok, maybe the brain cake is too divisive of an issue.

So can we at least agree that THIS is wrong?

"Icing shots?!" With no cake?? FOR $2.00??

Whaddaya mean, you like that much icing? Are you INSAAAANE?

(Side Note: anyone else distracted by the "Dry Old German Chocolate" sign? I was about to be impressed by their honesty before I realized it's supposed to be "Day." Heh.)

Well, in the interests of minion harmony, let's end with a classic:

A birthday cake with "a big number 2 and stars on the sides."

I guess there wasn't room to write "stars" on both sides.

Shame.

Thanks to Jennifer B., Amanda N., Kathleen, K.T. for bringing us only the second-best stars.

******

P.S. Check out these handy things:

Headrest Hook 4 Pack

These clever headrest hooks turn the back of your car seats into extra storage! Perfect for purses, shopping bags, water bottles, umbrellas, etc - and even better, they're on sale this week for $6!