My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Optimus Wrecks

Some cake designs are so popular, I get to see all kinds of Wrecky variations. I'm having way too much fun with it, too; the other day I was positively giddy when I received my 5th Costco Princess & the Frog themed Wreck (stay tuned for that post). Yep, I need to get out more. In the meantime, though, let me share my Transformers Wrecks collection with y'all.

First, the "official" design, for reference:

So no matter what, you know someone's going to have purple poo in the morning.

Here's Wreck #1, or as I like to call it, Magma Madness:

But, you know, orange magma... red flames: at least they're related.

Next, Wreck #2: the Crackling Blood Bath:

Kinda hurts to look at, doesn't it?

And finally, behind Wrecky Door #3:

The Bubbly Stuff That Would Not Be Named. I think it's growing, too; it seems to be creeping insidiously up over the inscription.

Beth W., Cades, & Jennifer N., your cakes may not have gotten their flames in icing, but at least they got flamed here on Wrecks. Eh?

« Sadness Takes on Cake Form | Main | THAT...Doesn't Look Like Dirt »

Reader Comments (90)

Oh, that last one is the "Great Barrier Reef" take on the design. Coral is really in this year. Sea life is the new cupcake cake.

Wreck #1 isn't that bad, #3 is just ugly, but #2... that is going to give me nightmares. I feel so bad for Kenny. Who knew a transformers cake would lead to therapy?

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjaxx79

i know the last one! it's coral! it's optimus prime in "under the sea"!!!!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wreck #3 looks like coral reef instead of flames. Almost like the decorator got confused and started to make an ocean themed cake...

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlindyhopper1904

Holy cow, the Transformers fan in me just curled up in a corner and cried...

It looks like Optimus Prime is drowning in that blood bath on the second cake wreck. Disturbing...

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKenya Starflight

The blood bath is my favorite...just a little scary huh!!! At least they tried!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKyla Michelle

That last one looks like Optimus is lost in a coral reef! Awesome.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

The last one looks sort of like coral! Maybe cute on a cake with an ocean theme...but not a Transformers theme. :-)

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKim H.

LOL - that last one is a real Optimus Crime!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJason Burns

Beep! Beep! These are hilarious.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterhorriblelicenseplates

I think the bubbly stuff is coral. The truck has somehow made its way into a deep underwater kingdom. There should be an image of a threatening Poseidon on the side.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn Maughan

If you took away the Optimus Prime truck... I don't know that I could have had a clue of what they were going for. That last one almost looks like the red coral thats a popular dainty pattern right now.. dainty and transformers just don't seem to mix!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter*Michelle

Should I made a stupid coral joke, or is that restricted to the first fifteen comments only?
*singing to theme song*
"Transformers, cake wrecks in disguise!"

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterValarie

Did anyone else notice that the 1st wreck didn't even frost the sides of the cake??

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHoneysuckle Creations

I have to agree that #3=coral.

Considering #2 is the only one that has Optimus in the "flames," it kind of looks like he might have snapped and this is the bloody aftermath.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEunice

I'm having flashbacks to watching Volcano. Because the only other thing that says "Wreck!" as much as the cakes you feature, is poorly executed disaster movie with completely unrealistic selflessness such as Drew Carey's TV brother jumping off a subway car into molton. hot. mag-ma. thereby killing himself to save a guy he can barely lift, yet somehow manages throw several feet ahead of him to safety as he's melting into the molton. hot. mag-ma.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

The bloodbath was actually my favourite of all three. The 'coral' cake..I just don't understand!

I hope you don't mind; I "plugged" your site on my Myspace page.:o)
~Amy B

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

What do you suppose that last one would have looked like if they had been trying to create coral?

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCorey Wilde

so, the original cake appears the flames are airbrushed, yes?
cake #1 did a pretty good job considering it was all frosting.
cake #2 is the closest in regards to the airbrush technique. a BAD example of airbrushing. the colors are BLEEDING! ick.
cake #3- eh. nice try, i guess. it DOES look like coral (as it's been pointed out).

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermere9

So I did a google image search to see if I can find any advertising for this cake, see how Wal-mart are plugging it, or if I could find a well-executed version that someone was really pleased with by way of comparison.

And I found this:

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRuth

Aww, the poor kid can't even play with the truck in wreck #3! The tire is blown!
That's beyond sad. It's cruel.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenter~Jenn Danza~

Wreck #2, just in time for Holloween!
Maaaaaw ha, ha, ha!


October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterclueuin

Oh, the colors, and the hideous magma. And even in the original---shouldn't shooting flames come out of the truck---not toward the truck? Maybe a firetruck attacking the flames would be better? Brings new meaning to "Wrecks" as there was a car wreck somewhere to cause all those flames.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

@honeysuckle: No, I didn't notice the first wreck didn't ice the sides! Wow, that's really, really bad.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterToni Marie

Happy birthday Kenny...enjoy your inflamed intestines!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterawriterswindow

Good thing they stuck that "transformer" card into each of the wrecks. Makes the intentions clear.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commentere.

I think my favorite part here is that most of the "decoration" is created by sticking a postcard on the cake. Heck, I could do that, and I have no artistic ability whatsoever.

I'm sure it doesn't matter to the target age group for these cakes, but it seems kind of... I know! It somehow reminds me of those cheap Halloween costumes where the shirt has a picture of whatever it is. Hello? If I want to dress as, let's say, Tinkerbell, I want a floofy tutu and wings. I do not want a shirt with a PICTURE of Tinkerbell on it. That is not "dressing up as" Tinkerbell. Does Tinkerbell go around with a picture of herself on her shirt? Well, she's not Paris Hilton, so, no. I know it's not exactly the same concept, but this is nevertheless the cake equivalent.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKansas girl

All that red and blue reminds me of the $1.8M piece of plywood painted with two blue stripes and a red stripe, entitled "Voice of Fire". It's painful to look at because of the colour contrast.

So are these >_<

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterOphelia

Cake #2 just screams "blood on the highway"

i feel for the poor kid who got that plopped down in front of him for his birthday.

Too funny!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterReal Live Lesbian

Looking at number 2, I don't think I've laughed that hard at blood since the first time I saw the theater trailer for The Shining.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTwistie

It seems the lesson here is:

When it comes to making flames out of icing, less is more!

These are all funny, but the Great Barrier Reef meets Optimus Prime is my favourite.

And the joke someone made about these being "optimus Crimes" - ha ha!

Thanks for the laugh!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJuliet

One problem with those grocery store-ordered cakes is that the customer wants it to look EXACTLY LIKE THE PICTURE. Unfortunately, as most people know, red icing is near impossible- if you get a deep red color, it's bitter and stains teeth, children, clothing, and even dog poo. If reddening buttercream isn't bad enough, try it with whipped icing that most cheap stores use. I would guess that is why orange and other ugly red variations are used.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCake Artist

Cake 3 looks almost like the dirt from the last posted cake wreck. I hope that truck is an actual transformer, otherwise they gave that kid a truck with a broken wheel on it!

Number 1 is the closest so far, but someone laid on the frosting way too thick.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

Cake #2? OMG! When did the transfomers join a slasher flick? Seriously!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTrevor

The 2nd Wreck looks more Spiderman than Optimus... lol!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea*

Why do the stores offer these cakes and not give the decorators the tools or skills to actually pull them off? These are just sort of sad

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

All I can think of when I look at wreck number one is... "My loony bun is fine Benny Lava"!!!! (Google it, I can't watch it again!) The others are... scary.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterFluffy Cow

Aaaghhhh! The flames, man, they're goin' to get ya!!!!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commentersues2u2


October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPoetry Sue

We got" REL="nofollow">the same cake for my son's first birthday, but it turned out much better than these. I'm surprised that these wrecks turned out so differently.


October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichael

Yikers that last one looks like Optimus Prime is in a battle with some nuclear entrails.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAn Apron Straitjacket

So...what the hell?? How is it humanly possible to screw up FLAMES? It's ridiculous. And stupid. And WOW, I think I may go blind from #2...

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love how the cardboard standup on #2 is squished into the icing cockeyed.

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCharlotte

The second cake brings back vague and terrifying memories of the movie they showed us in driver's ed. Optimus is just sitting there so smugly amid the carnage.

@kansas girl - you're right about the stupid postcard. It's like those awful Halloween costumes they used to make with the stupid mask and then a plastic smock with artwork of the character. Which wasn't at all the same thing as dressing up as the character but it was good on the cheap. Which I think is what these cakes are going for...

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

The "flames" in the last one look like blood vessels!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterApril

The mom that has to hand their children ANY of those cakes must paste a smile on their face so the kids don't know what a disaster their birthday cake is! Kudos to those MOMS!!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSusie PSU

Wreck #2 just looks scary to me...!!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJeff

Liquid Hot Magma...

Dr. Evil would love it!

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBeckster

So what is it with these designs? Is the official design done by some expert, who then licenses out the pattern to less aptitudinous decorators to attempt?

October 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMike

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