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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov052008

Oh, Mama!

Who's ready for some life-sized, potentially-nightmare-inducing, definitely traumatizing, yet fortuitously-censored CAKE? Hmm?

Settle down, now, all of you; there's enough here for everyone:

(Heh, you guys thought the FIRST censored Cake Wreck was bad...)

What's that? What do you mean, you all only want a piece of the little birthday cake? You can't ALL have that: who's going to eat the legs? The belly? The.. er...tracts of land? C'mon, you'll love it: mama's made of red velvet!*

:)

Here's an even "better" angle:


John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. And there are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.

Here's some good news, though: this wasn't for a baby shower! Yay! Nope, it was served at a birthing center event. As to why the "mom" has a cake in the tub with her, though - and in that particular spot - well, you got me. I'm just glad they didn't make it into an edible baby.
Also, I've heard of cakes sweating before, but this brings it to a while 'nother level. A really shiny, gross level.

I actually had this submitted twice, by both Gina & Jeanette E. Hey girls, I'm dying to know: did "mama" have any hair? I can't quite tell from the photos. (I mean on her HEAD, you sick people, you.)

* Ok, you got me: I don't actually know what kind of cake this was.

UPDATE: I too thought that they just left the "s" off "surprise" at first, but then it would have been "urprise", not "uprise". Unless they spelled it wrong, and THEN left the "s" off - hah, double wreck! Or, I suppose it could be the name of the center.

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Reader Comments (293)

See??...this is why I check the site early in the morning. First time I check during lunch, and this is what I get. I am sickened on every possible level.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Courteous Chihuahua

This cake officially scares me.

I'm sure that after working all day at a birthing center this was exactly what the workers wanted to see.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRenegadeFilmSnob

Oh my god. That is seriously disturbing.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBecky

Lisa said...

Am I the only one who thought of the painting of Marat murdered in his bathtub?


No, Lisa, that was my first thought as well. Along with Ewwwwwwwwwww! and WTF. And a number of other things, all of which have already been posted.

Beth: Good work finding out the back story. Your Google-Fu is strong!

Lady C

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I don't know about anyone else but when I was pregnant there was no way my ass was going to fit in that shallow a tub without a more X-rated view. No more cake (or kids) for me!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlizziehoop

Wrong. On SO many different levels. Just wrong

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

I know that she's supposed to be given birth, but my first impression is that she's going to wake up any moment and discover that her kidneys are gone.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterQueenSkankarella

cakes + vaginas = EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjanet

You know, this cake would probably make a great scary Halloween decoration. But that's about all it's good for o.O

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterksaldria

I'm slightly disturbed by the sheen, the lumpy legs, the teeth (ogod.), the 2/3s head, the murky green water (what's in there!) and the sheer dimensions of this thing!
Not to mention the two chairs pulled up to the side of it. What is that about, a carving ceremony?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPassion Fruit

I lOVE that the censor bar is done in perspective! Nice touch.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRen

God. I keep coming back. This site is like a crack addiction to me. I get online early and envision a virtual line down the street and around the blook of Cakewrecks each morning before the first post goes up.

One final comment... Has anyone noticed how sad the suggestion of the bathtub drawing is? Kind of like, this really isn't a cake woman in three inches of sludgy cake water - noooo - it's an elegant ball and claw footed tub! See? See the drawing? Too funny.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAlix

@ anon from 12:11pm -

I actually cracked up at being called an old fart, so thanks for the chuckles. ;)

And I'm guessing you meant "censor", not "sensor". Anyway, I did it because a LOT of people look at this at work, and I try to keep the site around a PG rating. I also didn't want to be responsible for a lot of vomit-drenched keyboards out there.

Inspector Voyeur, these pics were sent as attachments, so I'm afraid I don't have a link to share. Maybe one of the girls who submitted it does, though?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJen

That is beyond disturbing! Sick and wrong!!!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

It was actually made by Uprise Bakery in Columbia Missouri. It was a contest that seven bakeries entered to make a "birthday" cake for a birthing center. Ewwwwww....

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is the nastiest, most confusing, most insane cake you have ever posted, and that's saying a lot. Do we have any more info about it?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ew. This is so wrong on so many levels.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAimee

Mama's throat makes her look like a man.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWhat's Her Face

Seeing as most laboring mothers are sweaty and shiny, and I'm all for waterbirth, I can kind of appreciate the concept of this cake.
But the execution? NO. No No No No NO.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterevil cake lady

What's with the blindfold on Mama??? EEEEW....this is wrong on SO many levels....blegh...

Who wants a piece of the birth-fluid infused "water" pieces??? Mmmm, nummy....

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDea

See why I am child-free (and happy)????Geez,if ever there was any childed thoughts in my head,I could vomit them out now.

Yeah,birth is such a beautiful gift.....*smirk*,maybe THAT is what they thought this would convey.

And yeah,I thought of the body in the tub from Silence of the Lambs myself.Perhaps Buffalo Bill had the idea for this anatomy lesson?

Blech!!!!!!!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBryde

Well.....um.....I....yeah, I have no words except "Who the frell thought this was a good idea?"

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCalantha

It will take all the nurses in the center to pull her out of the tub!Oh wait, its not real, just a cake. Relax everyone.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermama

What is wrong with people!?!? I guess this wont make my blog.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

Anyone else grossed out by the fact that the little cake is iced in the same fleshy frosting as the "momma" cake? Blech. Makes that just as inedible as the rest of this wreck IMHO.

I can't decide if she'd/it'd be more or less creepy without the towel covering the eyes...

And she does look as if the top of her head is missing. Perhaps to be served with fava beans and a nice chianti?

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

gah!!! It looks like she is bathing in a tub of blue worms! Sick.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermomofonefornow

I totally thought this was a twisted homage to that famous painting of Jean-Paul Marat slayed in his bathtub during the French Revolution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Death_of_Marat

At least that would explain the "Uprise" part...

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJenipeep

So when they cut into the cake will a cake baby be on the inside?.. ok.. too disturbing.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSeptember

I think this is the worst cake you've posted thus far. I shuddered when I saw it. So gross on so many levels.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterar_kay_tee

Why? Why, Why, Why?

*walks off shaking head*

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

I didn't know that Resusie Annie was pregnant!
We practice on her at the hospital for CPR technique.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

gross, just gross. I mean seriously, these bakers need to stop hitting the bong before designing their cakes.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So, apparently this is for a Gala of some type. (Here is the link with a small amount of information: http://www.columbiahl.com/calendar.php)

It was a competition and UPRISE is the name of the bakery that made that cake. It is a competition to see who can make the best 'birth' day cake. Get it? Yeah, still really odd.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commentertankgirlmomma

Well, Jen, congratulations.

You finally did it.

I could have eaten around Olivia's childbirth experience. I could have closed my eyes and dived into any one of the CCC wrecks. (I'm not proud, okay?) I pictured me attacking the Bridezilla cake with a fork and serious ferocity. I thought I could eat them all.

Well, no more.

I can honestly say that me and my size 14 butt don't want to go near a cake right now. That's a first.

This hermamphrodidic (sp?) disaster is honestly beyond words. Heck, the lunch I just ate is threatening an uprise! The slimy bathwater, the mini cake placed in the "perfect" spot, the missing cranium, the leg stubble, it's just SO wrong.

Wow.

Just wow.

Oh, and by the way, I am grateful for the censoring that was done. Truly grateful.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBarb

That is the most manly looking Mama I have ever seen. There are just so many things wrong with that! And, Why on earth would someone want to eat a cake that is between Mama's legs.
I thought I had seen it all. Wrong!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMamaT

Oh, oh, oh...
I found the uprise answer. It it the name of the bakery.
They called it the "best" birth day cake.

Here is what I found

Columbia Community Birth Center's First Annual Cake and Champagne Gala.

Perlow-Stevens Gallery, 812 East Broadway, 7 pm.
Seven local bakeries, including The Upper Crust and Uprise Bakery, will be competing for the best "Birth-Day" cake. Come eat cake, drink champagne, and enjoy music by the Bel Airs while supporting Missouri's only freestanding birth center. Tickets are $30. Purchase at participating bakeries.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTarah

I just can't stop looking at it. Its a man, in a birthing tub? Its got teeth. Its.... um, wow.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKeeping It Sane

Does this look like the bathtub scene from the Shining to anyone?

*shudders* This is all so very wrong and ack inducing.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHavocec

I am only hoping that today isn't anyone's first visit to cake wrecks. This one is so very creepy that they might never dare come back.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAunt Annie

Definitely some execution problems there, but nonetheless, the concept is AWESOME. I bet the midwives and nurses laughed their butts off. These are people who need a strong stomach for the sheer grossness of the human body, and who (in my limited experience)usually have a wicked sense of humor about it. I dig it.

Katie

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

I thought that was some monsterous beer gut guy in a bathtub before I read the story.

So wrong on so many levels....

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNancy D.

horrified. simply horrified.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthepipers

UPRISE is obviously an acronym for

Ultra
Pregnant
Rita (or with that jawline, Roger?) Is
Seriously
Exhausted

Now don't you all feel bad about making fun of her? She should just have a little cake and she'd feel so much better.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKnitty

That is the most mental thing I have ever seen. It looks like someone who drowned in the tub...

So scary.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKathy McC

oh, lord. the face looks skeletal and frankly, um, deceased.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterThe Hyperlexian Aspie

Truly atrocious.

-Julie

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

ok. i actually liked the cake that appeared to have baby shooting up out of the mama via c-section but this cake is vile. if i was to show up at this event, i wouldn't have given this birthing center my business just for the sheer principle that they are gross. she had teeth but no top of the head? that's right.... she has done LOST HER MIND!!!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMarissa

Why has no one noted that this is not only a naked birthing woman with tweeh cake in a tub cake wreck...but a LIFE SIZED naked birthing woman with teeth in a tub cake?

look at the chairs and the people behind the table....

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. yecch.

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEtiquette Bitch

AAAAGH! MY EYES!! SOMEBODY GOUGE THEM OUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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