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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Mar202009

First Impressions

My issues with baby shower cakes are well-documented. And while I don't plan to have kids myself, I know that the whole if/when/how many thing on the kid-front is a huge, life-changing decision.

So on behalf of myself and childless women everywhere, I'd just like to say the following.

Attention Baby Shower Cake Creators:
You're SO Not Helping.

Seriously, would YOU want to give birth after seeing this cake?


Helen S., I can't tell if that's mom's front or backside, but either way I think I'd be shoving the sucker back in.

Not that showing the (anatomically) correct egress is any better, though:


Egads! I've heard of childbirth making your legs feel all rubbery, Greg C., but this is just ridiculous. Plus, I thought that the First Censored Cake Wreck would dissuade this kind of thing. Well hellooo, backfire!

I mean it, ladies: stop with the fondant genitalia on shower cakes already! Yeesh, it's bad enough seeing it in all of your "Check Out this Hi-LAR-ious Wreck from Master Bakers!" e-mails. [shudder] Nightmares, folks: I have them*.

Now, if you really want to give me a little pick-me-up (IF ya know whadda mean) why not send over some Trekkie goodness of the Vulcan variety? Or heck, I'll even take McCoy - or Sheppard or McKay, while we're on the geek streak. Just make sure they're tastefully done. So, you know, in lots of chocolate. [eyebrow waggle]

*Speaking of which, if you're not subscribed to my Twitter feed you missed out on some ripe hilarity of the "Jen's-too-naive-to-know-what-this-naughty-word-means" yesterday. Check it out, if you dare....

UPDATE: Hey, commenters! If you're referencing my Twitter debacle, please don't use the "naughty" word, ok? A lot of kids read this site, and we don't need them Googling it. Thanks!

« Shirking my Shirtly Duties | Main | They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha Haa! »

Reader Comments (124)

Argh!! An alien baby is hurtling out of your stomach!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

One of our favorite sayings at birthday parties is "I want the eye" - a constant repeat of something my young nephew yelled over and over when presented with a dog cake years ago. I wonder what he would want on this cake???? Ugh!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBridgett

Now that freaks me out....GROSS!!!!!
Whatever happened to pretty and sweet shower cakes?
Geez....

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Cookie Girl

Guess I'm part of that "mind like driven snow club" I looked and thought, "Oh what a cute claddagh"...and about three seconds later came the forehead smack and the epiphany moment along with a groan that brought co-workers running to look and I had to quickly hide my Firefox window. *snickers* Maybe I should get a twitter account after all.

As for the cakes on the blog, that first one totally reminds me of Alien...or maybe Spaceballs. Either way it's positively hair raising. And I love the dead-eyed expression on the bottom one. Yes dear, that expression is what you'll be wearing for the whole of their teenage years. Trust me.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

That is so wrong! I would have had a fit if I got that push cake for my baby shower. Yuck!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelinda

I'm having a baby in August and I think I'm going to skip the whole baby shower idea.

These cakes are going to be my excuse. Who could argue with me?

-Alouette

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteralouette

I'm pretty sure that first one is based on a http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=XQf&q=sheila-na-gig&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=uaHDScz4KIiKjAevis2ZCw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&resnum=4&ct=title" REL="nofollow">Sheila-na-gig. But it's weird anyway. Cuz of the clothes. The clothes look like a shirt and pants, creating the impression that the baby's head is emerging from the mother's NAVEL. ICK.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDeborah

ew, fondant genitalia

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

I looked at your twitter.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.




I mean, if you'd posted that, you'd also have to post "two girls, one cup [cake]." - AND DON'T FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE GOOGLE THAT ONE EITHER!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

WRONG WRONG WRONG! Those two are just too wrong to even be allowed. Whoever thought them up needs the ole DiNozzo Head Slap (NCIS, folks!).

Gag me.

~Amy B.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Heh. Sheppard and McKay. :) If we're going there, I'd prefer Daniel Jackson, please.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterlave

You'd take Shep, McKay but not Ronan? I'm not sure how dreds would look in fondant tho so maybe you are right. Thanks for making me laugh out loud with yesterday's post! wams352

If I were every to have kids & have a baby shower & anyone brought anything remotely looking like either of these cakes... I would have to shove it in their face & blame it on crazy hormones!

Wow.

Those are just wrong on a few levels.

Bright side - it would help us who are watching calories not want to eat the cake!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMoonGoddess

I didn't "see" anything, either, except a badly done Claddagh ring (hands, heart, crown). I'm content with my ignorance.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTheHappyNeills

so THAT's where babies come from!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermustdestroyalltraces

OMG! The whole Alien baby out of the belly thing is totally creepy! And how did it get a binkie in it's mouth while in the womb? Or, maybe I shouldn't ask, lol. And as for the second cake, I'm afraid....I'm just afraid.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn J

i went to your twitter page. can't say that i have a clue what you're on about, though.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkerry

What could be less appetizing?

No, don't answer that!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMiranda

Gotta love it when cakes need censored!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Oh for the love of all that is sugary! I may never have children after seeing these! Who knew fondant could scarred one for life!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ewww, I think the baby might actually be busting out of her navel! Which is the creepiest most Alien-esque thing I can think of. Well, that and thinking about where it got the pacifier from. Ugh.

I must be too innocent to get the Twitter thing at all. I've never thought Claddagh were smutty.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think that top cake is a baby coming out of a bellybutton. I personally might like the more explicit cakes for a baby shower, I don't have kids because I think pregnancy is disgusting so why not share that with everybody.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTeam McNamara

Ummm....ewwwwww.

I would like to thank my friends for NOT getting me these cakes (or anything remotely similar) for my baby showers!!

...Did I remember to say EWWWWW??

Word verification "endoma". Sounds fitting, but all I can think of is Ewwww.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMidnight Ramblings

The bottom looks like jeans and the top a t-shirt. Perhaps the baby is supposed to be (inexplicably) trying to escape via the belly button?

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

*bleugh*

that is so yuck!

wv burstis - says it all :)

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPlato

The first one is so disturbing. At first (and second) glance, I thought the baby's mouth was green and that was its pink tongue. Finally figured out that it might be a pacifier. Maybe. And the second is so wrong-the legs, the breasts, the graphic birth. The flowers are very pretty though.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKatie H.

I have three daughters and if either of these cakes would have been at a shower for me, I think I would have taken a knife and smeared the frosting so no one would know what was supposed to have been on the cake. How distasteful!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJeannie

And why do they insist on making the in-labor cakes with fully naked women? You get a hospital gown, for goodness sake!

Must've been done by a male baker.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdiopsideanddiamonds

Gross, just gross. I'm 5 months pregnant and am in a ball crying in the corner.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBibi

I'm days (hours?) away from delivering my third baby and can only wish my boobs looked as perky as Wobbly Legged Birthing Woman in cake #2.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertonkelu

OMG! Is that child coming out of her belly button?!?! Very, very strange! What a way to celebrate the impending birth of your child! A belly button birth cake or the huge hip, rubbery legs graphic cake....and where did my family and friends go wrong with a traditional cake for my shower! I think my MIL would have died if I had asked for this type of cake for my shower HAHA! ~MJ

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Wow. Just Wow.

Definitely no a part of the cake that I want!!

http://gifoftheday.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">Daily Gif Blog

DB

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDoublebanker

I am glad in a way, sort of that I'm unable to bear children in I have to have a shower cake that looks like this - I would hope my friends would have the taste and maturity not to do something like this -

And then on to the twitter thing - I don't get it - I really don't, really and would like it explained to me like I'm a 4 year old please.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

I could not figure out what was wrong with the "Claddagh ring cake" so I looked further. Now I wish I did not know.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan -

Honestly, what is it about you Colonials that you're so prudish? OK, I could understand covering up the genitalia, but women's breasts are are too salacious, even when made of icing? Jeeeeesus.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

add me to the list of pure as snow. I looked at it a bunch of times and I don't get it. I have NO idea what is so bad about the claddagh cake. Aside from being poorly rendered.
I'm dieing to know. here's my emai, if anyone has a minute to clue me in: huntersnob@juno.com You can't offend me, really, just tell me!

The shower cake is just nasty. Who really wants THAT on the table at thier shower??

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

sick, sick, sick. i'm liking cake less and less these days...

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDangGina

Is that first one a C-section cake? Or an homage to Alien? Either way, I think (read: HOPE) that if I have a shower for the second kid that my pals will choose a tastefully-decorated 1/2-sheet.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWinona

"Fondant Genitalia" is a great band name, though.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOvermatter

Gee, I was trying to think of an idea for my lil sis's baby shower cake. Hmmmm?

NOT!

I think I'll go cake pops a la Bakerella!

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterbigSIS

That second one looks like it was baked by some horndog with a glorified version of childbirth. Really, the cake could be SO much worse.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHalf Assed Kitchen

My thanks to Jen. You have finally helped me come to terms with my decision to "shut down the factory".

Kudos to you! (and these amazingly bad cakes)

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwebiegal

huntersnob@juno.com: One explanation email, coming at you.

I don't know what it says about me that I saw what it was right away. What can I say? I have weird friends, and they like to share the disgusting things they find online. Can't say I understand why, but I've learned not to give in to my sick curiosity by looking. Oh, the horror.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRamblingDreamer

Aww so you finally learned the g-word, eh? :) This is a big moment.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

Master Bakers? OK that's gonna be stuck in my head all day like a bad song

I too am somewhat glad I will probably never have to worry about being on the receiving end of these cakes

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterphillygirl64

Ok, the cake is freaky.
But seriously, not NEARLY as freaky as the real thing.
I think of these cakes as public service announcements. People need to be aware.
But then again, the shower is really too late. They should be purchased for teenage birthday parties and accompanied by a CD of screaming babies played at max volume.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Do we really have to censor frosting? Are we that prudish? We can see violence of any sort but gods forbid we see a frosting nipple!

Stop showing your frigidity or just don't post cakewrecks with people parts that you find too risque and ohmygods-think-of-the-children to post. Way to promote the Puritanism.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I do not believe that any of these cakes can be good for expectant mothers. What on earth is wrong with a nice layer cake that says "Coming soon!"?

Creepy. They're all like something out of a Ridley Scott movie (and I don't mean Thelma and Louise).

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Ok, wow. huntersnob now gets it.

That is ALSO wrong, tho I stil dont really see it in that cake.

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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