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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Wednesday
Nov052008

Oh, Mama!

Who's ready for some life-sized, potentially-nightmare-inducing, definitely traumatizing, yet fortuitously-censored CAKE? Hmm?

Settle down, now, all of you; there's enough here for everyone:

(Heh, you guys thought the FIRST censored Cake Wreck was bad...)

What's that? What do you mean, you all only want a piece of the little birthday cake? You can't ALL have that: who's going to eat the legs? The belly? The.. er...tracts of land? C'mon, you'll love it: mama's made of red velvet!*

:)

Here's an even "better" angle:


John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. And there are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.

Here's some good news, though: this wasn't for a baby shower! Yay! Nope, it was served at a birthing center event. As to why the "mom" has a cake in the tub with her, though - and in that particular spot - well, you got me. I'm just glad they didn't make it into an edible baby.
Also, I've heard of cakes sweating before, but this brings it to a while 'nother level. A really shiny, gross level.

I actually had this submitted twice, by both Gina & Jeanette E. Hey girls, I'm dying to know: did "mama" have any hair? I can't quite tell from the photos. (I mean on her HEAD, you sick people, you.)

* Ok, you got me: I don't actually know what kind of cake this was.

UPDATE: I too thought that they just left the "s" off "surprise" at first, but then it would have been "urprise", not "uprise". Unless they spelled it wrong, and THEN left the "s" off - hah, double wreck! Or, I suppose it could be the name of the center.

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Reader Comments (293)

I know this is wrong, but I really want to see photos of the cake after people ate some, if they ate any.

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I looked up UPRISE and this is what it is...Uterine Prolapse: Research, Information, Support & Education

How's that for gross?

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterPatty

Um, why does it look more like a MAN giving birth than a WOMAN? I think that's what creeped me out the most!!

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OMG- the horror! Like A TLC A Baby's Story. . .the confection. . .

Ak, I just threw up a little. . .

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Two weeks ago I got rid of my Facebook- account. I may have to get a new one just to be able to spread this hideousness as far as possible. It's not fair that, in my circuit of friends, I'm the only one with eyes burning.

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNiina

I'm due in December, and all I can say is I'm glad I'm haveing a repeat csection now..... Ewwwwww.

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

My 3 year old just said "That's a skeleton having tea in the bathtub." My poor pregnant bladder almost leaked all over my chair!

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJRM

I gave birth to my second baby in a tub (a little bigger than this one of course) and even I think this cake is a little yuckola. So many more beautiful images I can think of to represent the birthing/pregnant mother! oh well.

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The cake "mom" might actually have like the water over her belly, not out of the water. And not in a traditional hospital birthing position - this was for a birth center, no?

Cute, though.

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTammi

What really gets me is that it obviously took a lot of time and effort to design and construct this cake. During all those hours and possibly days, not ONE person took a step back, looked at the cake and said, "Uh...guys, is a giant, lumpy-skinned, sweat-slick bloated dismembered corpse cake floating in a pan with a small skin-covered cake between its legs really the kind of dessert we want people to associate with our bakery, assuming we want anyone to order from us ever again?"

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Okay I'm sorry if this is repeated, but the "body" part looks like something off CSI, like a body that sat in a bathtub too long and was turning to soup....*gags*

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was there!

This cake was one of seven that were submitted to our fundraiser gala event.

There were prizes awarded for the categories of looks, taste and concept (get it?).
Dare ya to pick which 2 categories this cake won!

This cake was the hit of the evening, and was definitely presented very tongue in cheek.
Everyone got the joke, and we all took lots of funny pictures around it.

The best part of the evening?
The cake tasted delicious - and I took home an entire breast to my family.
Oh, and the breasts were very real looking...no black bars across them.

Thank you to Uprise Bakery for your hard work and all the laughs.
The gala was a huge success and we all look forward to your submission next year - I just don't know how you are going to top it!

DeeDee Folkerts
Midwife - Columbia Community Birth Center

November 6, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterDeeDee

So is the green stuff supposed to be water or meconium in the amniotic fluid?

November 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

Honey, I know that I am on the West Coast, and there is not a chance in hell that ONE of my comments would float to the top, but you failed to make one of the most IMPORTANT points in the world.

They used LITHOS as the cake font. Didn't anyone catch that? Hello, MTV from 1994. I used it first!

Lithos is now a second-degree crime: everyone knows that using PAPYRUS for any occasion should be punishable by death, and I've been saying that for at least six years. One hilarious gay designer friend says: "Just say it will look like a lesbian day spa!"

Lithos, alas, looks like Birkenstocks meets Betsy Johnson. It is Neolithic.

RAZZ THE FONTS, GAL! And geez, can't you auto-publish your posts so they hit at 11PM on the West Coast, to give some of us a cracking chance?

Thanks for all you do.

[/MoveOn.org slogan]

November 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTana

No pun intended but that one takes the cake!

November 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSharon

I can't quit laughing at the sickening cake and all the hilarious comments. Thanks for making my day.

I seriously thought it was a cake of a dead MAN in a tub when I first saw it. Maybe for a crime scene investigator's conference or something. But after you asked about the hair...look closely, am I the only one that sees what looks like a blonde ponytail back behind him/her? Maybe???

*Shudder* Either way, it takes the prize for WORST CAKE EVER!

November 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Holy Jesus, it IS. Jean-Paul Marat, murdered in his bathtub! I saw his death mask in Madame Tussaud's, and my first thought was "Either that is the coolest cake ever, or the worst cake ever."

Death mask: http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ye8Y7v64-xc/SCoY4d79VaI/AAAAAAAACVg/6VSGUpLkC-o/IMGP0620.JPG

November 7, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterScrivvet

Wow! She can birth cakes? I wish I could do that!! "Hang on, I brought desert. Nuuuhhhhhh..."

November 8, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkate

Wow... I think I'd throw up if I saw this...

I've tagged you, because you I love your blog, it's my daily pick me up! See my blog for more details: http://cupcakingirl.blogspot.com/

November 8, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMs Ashley

That's scary: it looks like a pregant male zombi! It could have escaped from a b-grade movie...

TOTALLY thought it was a weird Marat cake. Especially with "uprise" on the side of the tub. It just needs a little Charlotte Corday lurking somewhere with a kitchen knife (they can use it to slice the cake).

November 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterWhat's in a Name?

This cake was made in Columbia, MO by a famous little bakery named "Uprise."

November 10, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that... "thing" totally looks like a man!

November 12, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSilvia

I am mildly sick to my stomach, and I work in health care. I have seen far worse than this irl, but GOO! I should add that the label "creepy cakes" is an understatement.

November 16, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMindy

Oh,Eek.
Pardon me for saying this,but it looks remarkably like the photos of the corpse of Sharon Tate at the Manson murder crime scene.Once that horrible thought enters your head,it seems less like a cake & more a work of the devil.
Do not Want!

November 22, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLise

Move over Pinhead, here comes the Cenobite Mom! :-)

December 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think it's supposed to be Arnold Swarchenegger in Junior...only he had a c-section. Anyway...way creepy.

January 28, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSarah C.

I was at this birth center event and can clarify a few things...Uprise is the name of the bakery that made the cake, the cake is a chocolate cake, the woman is in the tub because she is having a water birth. This birth center provides out of hospital birth either at their center or in the woman's home and the majority of the births are water births (the mother delivers her baby in the water). This cake was amazing and was quite a sight in person. I thought it was fun and well-made, guests enjoyed it too. Some were shocked and unsure what to think, many loved it, needless to say it was entertaining.

The birth centers website with photos from this event:
http://birthcolumbia.org/CCBC_Gala.html

http://www.waterbirth.org/mc/page.do
go here for more information about water birth

March 20, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDarah

I would be completely throwing up if the was a head hanging out if "there".

September 3, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

You just don't get it. Giving birth is a painful process, hence the clenched jaw. The woman is wearing a bandanna on her head and has a towel over her forehead. Both are real, not cake. From the neck down, she is all cake, chocolate with cream cheese frosting. Uprise is the name of a bakery, and a damn fine one, where they encourage their bakers to go crazy when the occasion calls for it. Bakers were invited to enter cakes into a competition celebrating birth. There were no rules, and creativity was encouraged. All of the guests loved this cake, and how true to life it was. those who ran the birth center were thrilled. I am the baker who made this cake, and i'm immensely proud of it! there were no mistakes here, it's a celebration of the birth-day. that's why the words are on separate planes. I won the competition, by the way, so you can all go back to your cookie-cutter cake world, and i'll keep making creative masterpieces when the opportunities arise.

Jill Pautler columbia, mo
cook, baker, cake decorator, artist

August 2, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjill pautler

ok, this is really disgusting :(

September 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertere

Funniest part of this post: the "tracts of land" comment. Subtle, but hillarious!

April 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKJ

Chill, Jill, chill...K? I'm sure it looked great @ the party. We're just having a few laughs here. Not to mention, you posted your comment 2 YEARS after Jen's post. Hold a grudge much? Geesh. (Yeah, mine's 3 Years after yours, but just in case you come back to gloat... :-)

June 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKarateLady

Is it just me? .. or is that a floating cup of tea between her leg and the "small cake"? (Yes .. the wording is difficult when describing this cake)

June 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha G.

I just wanna point out that the "mama's" face looks suspiciously man-likeish... *shudder

August 22, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThecommentfairy

Not everyones cup of tea, but I could totally see myself doing something similar for all the midwives I know ;)

September 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChristy

It looke like a man!! Wow

September 21, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNella

Why were the cake breasts censored here? The people who ate the cake saw them -- are the people viewing this site expected to be more prudish? And, anyway, there's nothing wrong with women's breasts.

September 22, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterIvona

It was a first time birthing center cake contest/show to raise money for the center. There was no "theme"..just enter your cake. It was held at the end of October..a few years back. The promoters..of the birthing center..were friends of the creator of this cake. They called all the local bakeries to enter the contest. So...we did..to be set up unfairly to have this cake win. Since then ...there hv been no more contests..with them. I personally felt aback..because I had a bad a** cake. I don't mind submitting a pic.I was so surprised to find this pic..because I had no pics to show who won the contest...no one believed I lost. Oh..well. life goes on .

October 1, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercynthia

UPRISE is the name of the bakery, it is located in Mid-Missouri. Never thought I'd see a company I recognize on here.

October 28, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnne R.

The jawline and face is definitely male.

February 9, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterNicholas

O.o O.o O.o

March 11, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterPhoenix

Nice Monty Python reference....Terrible cake O.o

May 20, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterAdrianne

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