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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
May292008

This Made Me Laugh 'Til I Cried

So I was putzin' around on google image search, looking at cakes, of course, when I stumbled across this picture:

Which, you know, made me kind of curious.

So I went to the originating site of the photo and read the corresponding blog post. It's written by Scott of Basic Instructions, which you should definitely check out sometime. Anyway, by the time I finished reading his post I was crying with laughter, and I knew I could not post his cake photo without the whole story attached. I e-mailed him and got his permission, and so without further ado, here it is:

"I had a day job as an office manager for the Seattle office of an international firm. We found out that one of our employees was transferring to one of our offices in China. When one of our people would leave, we usually had a little wing-ding with drinks and cake on the departing employee's last Thursday in the office, so on Tuesday it fell to me to fax a cake order into our nearest Costco Bakery.

I should point out that on that day I had a headache so bad that it hurt to move my eyes. Ordering the cake was the last thing I did before I went home sick for the afternoon. As I filled out the order form, I realized that in addition to the personalized message ("Good Luck in China," in this case) we could also get a large decoration for no extra charge. I looked at the options and none of them were appropriate. They were all things like teddy bears, balloons, or race cars. Crap, in other words. I figured if none of them were appropriate, I might as well get something that made no sense whatsoever.

I put a check mark next to the word "Fireman."

The next morning (Wednesday), lying in bed just before getting up, my mind wandered over the previous day and all the things I had accomplished. My eyes snapped open as I thought, "What did I do!? Why did I order a fireman? That makes no sense!!! I'm going to look like an idiot!"

I went to work, intent on calling the Costco as soon as they opened and stopping the cake before it started. I still had a day before I was supposed to pick it up. I figured that should be plenty of time. After some effort, I got hold of the bakery manager, only to be told that the cake had already been made. It was too late. I figured I'd just have to stand up straight and take it like a man.

My wife and I went to Costco to pick up the cake. When I got to the bakery, this is what was waiting for me.

(see above picture)

Making the hose flesh-toned had been a very bad move.

At first all I could do was blink at it and wonder, "Am I the only one who sees a giant wang?" I looked at my wife. She was blinking at the cake. An awkward silence and a few stammered sentences later we established that we both saw the same thing. A fireman holding an immense, dripping wang.

I could not serve this cake to my coworkers.

My first thought was that I would just absorb the cost of a second cake and pretend this never happened. Then I thought, "Wait a minute! This is not an erotic bakery! This is Costco! I should be able to order any stupid cake I want and be confident that it will not be sexually charged."

While at the checkout line I found a Costco employee to complain to, and showed him the cake. He blinked at it. I told him I was uncomfortable serving this cake at a place of business, and he started laughing and looking relieved.

Here’s what I came to realize about the cake. The obscene image was just obvious enough that you can't help but recognize it, but also obviously innocent enough that you don't want to say anything for fear that you're the only one who sees it.

Soon I was surrounded by several Costco employees who were looking at the cake and laughing. They explained that they had a new cake decorator who was a deeply religious woman from a foreign country, as if that explained everything. At one point while we were hammering out a settlement a woman happened by, caught a glimpse of the cake, covered her mouth and gasped. Good stuff."

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Reader Comments (124)

I am sorry to tell you, but I first saw this almost a week ago, and still have not stopped laughing. Every time I think of the guy's comments, his wife's reaction, the Costco employees standing around laughing, I start to go off, until I cry......

October 10, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterheartafire

♥♥♥ this story! Thanks for the laugh!

October 17, 2008 | Unregistered Commenternancy

So so glad I had not put mascara on yet before reading this! The cake is funny but the story is hilarious!!
I LOVE THIS BLOG!!!!

October 20, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I started to laugh the moment I looked at this cake. Reminds me of a t-shirt I bought a friend in Paris. The fireman looks like a firewomen. I have never seen a fire hose that color and I should know as I am a fire fighter. We don't call them fireman any more since there is so many of us women in the field. Everytime I think about the cake I start laughing again. Love the site.

October 26, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterodoc69

So did anyone else see the words "Good suck in China"? I then read the line about the hose looking like...yeah and it all comes together so nicely...

October 30, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterReagan

...Fail. Funny fail, but a fail. Haha. It's amusing... but a bit creepy. XD

-Lauryn.

November 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterEmo.xx.Drama.xx.Queen

This has made me laugh so much other people in my office are looking at me like i'm nuts :-) I also read it as 'Good Suck in China'. I love this blog! Lucie

November 5, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Um. Was I the only one whose first thought was "Who's China?"

Okay... maybe I was...

November 12, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMojo

This made me laugh so hard that even the cat was looking at me weird. And then pity the poor kid who came to the door to deliver Boy Scout popcorn. He thought I was crying or crazy! I love this kind of weird humor!

November 13, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I'm lol, literally! Right here in the lab on campus! LOL!!!

November 17, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTim-boy

OMG, I literally laughed until I cried. I've had that same moment of, "holy crap, what did I do?" so many times. The "fireman" really does look like a woman.

December 14, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterL. Shepherd

It's official, you've brightened my Monday. The cake, the story, and the comments made me laugh so hard I cried and now my head and abs hurt. OMG. *dries tears*

December 15, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRebekah

HAHAHAHAAAA!!! i just read this, and i have TEARS streaming down my face. i cant stop!! that IS SO FUNNY!!!!!! oh... thank you for sharing this. HAHAHAHAHAAAA

December 23, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAime

omfg - "who's china?" - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

my stomach hurts, my nose is running, and my boyfriend is confirmed in his opinion that i am the most unstable nut on the branch.

December 24, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterthree

Giant. Dripping. Wang!
I don't think you could make this stuff up any better!!!

December 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAshley

I was looking up costco cakes to get pricing when I found this site. Yes it looks like a dripping wang and I did see a fireman. Looking at it again I can see the little girl with the flower hat holding a big WANG which is even worse.

January 12, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think the part that made me laugh the most is that I can totally see how a headache can impair your judgement to the point that you make the first mistake of ordering a random fireman for a cake. I can see this happening to me in one of my headache fogs only to wake the next day and wonder what the f I was thinking. So funny...great cake and an even better story!

January 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

It's even worse that I thought it sad "Good SUCK in China" until I re-read it.

January 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Oh my gosh....I don't know if I've ever really laughed until I cried, and maybe it's the fact that it's 2AM, or the fact that my allergies are going a little crazy, but this had me going. The cake itself is only moderately funny, but with the story, it's absolutely hysterical!

February 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

I'm with Marta. Didn't laugh once. It was a well told story, but things-that-look-like-wangs pictures are about as common as guys-getting-hit-in-the-nuts-while-teaching-their-children-to-play-baseball videos. Meh.

I only felt the need to comment because so many people are laughing til they cry. You need to get out more!

Here, try this:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/

February 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDon

Count me in the "laugh til I cried" bunch. In fact, I don't know that I've read a funnier story online..lol! I spent my entire morning on your blog. Total hilarity from start to finish.

February 23, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMags

Marta's right - not even close! Personally I prefer wit to humor.

March 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDue Consideration

My mother and I were looking at this, thinking: if the color of the hose is the problem, what color WOULD work?

Black?

green?

red?

blue?

Now we're both crying and running to the toilet before we have to mop the floor! ...and she thinks her post-NASAL drip is bad!

March 21, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I am still crying and laughing at the same time.

March 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKym

Now this is what the internet was made for.

Seriously made me laugh.

April 11, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterButtercup Bento

I have tears in my eyes from laughing sooo hard... This was the best one of all
Cheers and GOOD LUCK IN CHINA... Hawwwwwwwwwwwwwww

May 18, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

WE HAD THE SAME CAKE!!!! No lie!! When my husband turn 25 (a couple of years ago) I bought him a cake from a Seattle area Costco with a fireman on it and the writing "happy 25th birthday adam". The next day I picked it up...well...we saw the same thing. A dripping, you know what. I totally wish I had a picture, but the 'fireman' might have been going through a sex change. There was a set of you know whats also. HA! Thanks cakewrecks!

May 19, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSara Cross

Am I the only one who first thought the cake said "Good suck in China"?

May 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSam

OMG... ROFLMAO... It hurts... oh,,, it hurts... Laughing so hard, I think I might need my inhaler... typing by feel, cuz, i can't see anything through the tears... LOLOLOLOL

just found your blog, today. A friend who knows I am doing my own wedding cakes sent the link, as a stress reliever. It's working! and am thoroughly enjoying going through your archives... but this one... omg

~laffs some more~
Sass

May 30, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarla

The thing that's so funny about this story is that it's absurd to the point of approaching surreal. I had to read bits of this out loud and couldn't breath through bits of it.

Yeah, I saw it right away.

(As an aside: you know, it's fine if you don't think it's funny, but there is no need to insult those of us who do.)

July 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSandra

"Fireperson" looks most like Lil' Lulu to me, but yeah, the flared edges at the nozzle totally take away any notion that it's anything but a giant wang. Does he have pics of people's faces at the office party?!

July 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEricka

*choking on wine*

hilarious!

July 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMickey

Just loved that story. At first I thought my imagination is simply too dirty to see anything else, but it's really good not to be the only one. By the way, what happened afterwards? No sexual harassment party at the office?

August 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDiandra

Oh my gosh!!! I was dying reading this post... Especially 'cause my reaction before I read the whole thing was this: "Wow... I'm seriously dirty-minded! I need to take my mind out of the gutter... Anyway, let's see what Jen has to say about a fire...woman? and China." Hysterical.

August 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLalis

I don't think I've laughed that much in a YEAR! Does it make me a pervert if a dripping wang is the first thing I saw too? lol

August 23, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterredtailboalover2002

I keep coming back to this one everytime I have a rough morning on the job.... still crying after all this time!! : )

Thanks... This blog rocks!!

Angela

August 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

OK... it seems to me that it says "geed duck in china"

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?

August 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAja

Oh my. It's the grin on the fireman's face that makes the story so funny...

And I agree, there are tons of collections of inadvertent phallic depictions on the web, most of them more bite-my-tongue-I-daren't-say-anything than this, but I have known people who were that innocent...

September 25, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAliza

Where's page 2 of this story and when does it start to get funny? Why is the girl with the red bow in her hair going to China? Good luck though!

October 1, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSteve

Glad to see I wasn't the only one who thought the hat looked like a bow. In fact, I didn't realize it was a hat until I read the comments.

Besides the Caucasian flesh tone, there's also a VERY definitely "head" at the end of that hose. LOL. Niiiiiice.

October 5, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

At first I wondered why so little water was coming out of the hose, but then I noticed that the firefighter is standing on the hose, and kinking it with his/her right hand.
So the most innocent possible take on the picture is that it's a highly incompetent firefighter.

But I only thought of that after considering that it's an extremely well-endowed firefighter with an incontinence problem.

October 6, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGary

I've been reading Cakewrecks on and off for probably six or seven months now, and this is the first one that I HAD to comment on. Absolutely, positively priceless. That hose is absolutely just the wrong color (how naive WAS that decorator?), not to mention that the "nozzle" doesn't actually look like a nozzle. The water makes it a billion times worse.

That said, I'm currently making my girlfriend ask repeatedly if I'm alright. Primarily because everyone else in the house is asleep and she's afraid I'll wake them up with my (barely-suppressed) laughter.

Moral of the story: Have some kind of plan in mind when ordering cakes from big chain stores. They're liable to have someone there that doesn't really know what they're doing. XD

WV: Pormalim - It's better than Viagra! (consult your doctor... etc.)

October 13, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVictor G.-H.

I don't know how you cannot see a giant wang in the picture?!?! LOL! I guess, my mind's just in the gutter! LMAO! This is just too funny.....

October 17, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCynthia

hilarious! I'm at my school computer lab trying not to make a scene from trying not to crack up so much!

October 22, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Amusing? Yes. Hilarious? Sorry, but no...

November 24, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is wonderful, partly because of the enormous leaky wang and partly for aiming said wang at the fire hydrant (which is in danger of bursting into flames at any moment).

But the best part is the sheer randomness of the story and cakes that make no sense... almost makes me want to order a cake using William S. Burrough's cut-up method or MegaHAL for the text, and rolling dice for selecting the image. So I'd end up with a purple cake with a penguin that says THE RAIN WASHES MEMORIES FROM THE GLANDS OF COWS.

February 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterXydexx

You are going to love my blog. After reading your blog, which was quite funny, it brought to my attentin a blog I wrote months ago. Please go to www.pushthewheel.com. In my archives is THE FUNNIEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN COSTCO. It was very embarrassing.

I know you will appreciate the story. It was very true. Please let me know what you thought

August 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterIris

Stefani
This made me laugh because I have been a cake decorator at Costco for 13 years and I remember doing this lame design. We always made the hose dark because of this unfortunate situation going on in this design. Believe me we were all grateful when they discontinued this hose holding firman!!!!!

August 24, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

did anybody else make the connection of what china sounds like, and what the fire-hose looks like?

October 15, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterPaigey

Jen! Jen! Jen! Seventh picture from the top in this article!!!!! http://ht.ly/2ZNOp

October 26, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmityL

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