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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan082009

Hey, Bebeh

"Girl, you lookin' fine. Why don't you come over here, and give daddy a lil' sugar?"

"Check it. I've got a spiky polar-bear-skin rug for us to lounge on, and some suh-weet champagne glasses the size of water coolers. I even put on my navy blue tighty-whities, 'cuz I know how much you dig those.

"What's that, kitten? You like the light blue ones better? No problem."

[patting rug] "This cracked concrete floor is hard, baby, but not as hard as...er...my...devotion to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, kids! What are you doing in here? Amscray, will ya?"

"That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, talking about how lucky you are - or at least how lucky you're gonna be. [waggling eyebrows] Aww yeaaah. This sea I'm lying in is the ocean of my love, and it's all for you, girl, it's all for you. [wink wink]

"What's a matter, doll? Still not convinced? How 'bout if I do some leg lifts?"

"My sticker may say 'yellow', pudd'n, but this here treat is pure chocolate, if you know what I'm sayin'."

I don't know about you, Aimee T., Lisa C., J.B., and Becky B., but I am definitely in the mood - for cake.

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Reader Comments (318)

I've never commented on here before but that was hilarious!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThat Girl

Oh my. There was more than one? Wow.

*** shakes head **** Never mind, just .... never mind. These are wrecky in too many ways!


WV: laste - what these wrecks are; bad laste.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The best thing about Erica's super-spikey cake (the first one) is that it comes with Disney princess napkins! How old is Erica that both are appropriate??

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So who gets to lick the icing off of his butt?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterDanielle D.

Does that one who is flying/cruising through the sky/ocean say "Bett is getting older" or some other variation.. and have the poor spacers struck again ?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEric

My husband did not mention he was doing any cake modeling...Looking good darlin'

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJustfrosting

Frequent reader - but never posted. This post had me bust out laughing so hard my boss stuck his head out of his office to see what was going on! HAHA! Awesome!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLindsey Wolfe

I'm speechless. The fact you could even get one bohunk on a bearskin rug....but no, you get a choice of colors! Wow.


WV: grous. He grous me out, bebeh.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterReam O Rama

I'm kinda thinking MAYBE bachlorette party (except for the one that says "Bettis getting old" which I'm guessing is supposed to be Betti's getting old. Either way, not nice.
But please tell me these all came from the same place and they just had some extra plastic men lying around and couldn't figure out what to do with them. Although I'm not sure that sounds much better.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkim

These cakes crack me up. They look like something made for a bridal shower/bachelorette party circa 1977. And did you notice the size of the "claws" on the last "rug?" Holy cow!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMazarin

I can't believe they're still doing these cakes! I was an in-store decorator for about 10 years starting in 1991, and I thought they were pretty cheesy back then.

Once in a great while people would order the silly things though. Usually for a stag-ette party or some woman's 30th birthday or something...generally as a joke.

I believe that after I ran out of these sexy men, I ripped the picture out of the book and never ordered any more. Jeannie

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI'm Losing It!

Does the 3rd one say, 'Bettis getting old?'. If Betti is indeed getting on in years, then she will surely appreciate the gigalo cake.

These are just horrific, yet absolutely hilarious!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJ. Applebee

The leg lifts! It took all I had to hold the laughter in. Thanks for making the start of my work day just a little more absurd.

I also wanted to say that I've loved all the cakes you've posted, but I've never felt inspired to "wreck"-reate one before today. My friend has no idea what she's getting for Valentine's Day.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentergreedyskunk

Hark - do I hear a little Marvin Gaye in the background?

My goodness - that has to be one of the best posts yet! Where can I get mine?!?!?!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJon & Anna

Oh my God, I used to see cakes like these in bakery windows in the 70's. I thought that the plastic gigolo cake decoration disappeared with disco. PLEASE tell me these cakes aren't recent! Please tell me that the plastic gigolo has not returned (still wearing the same 70's hairstyle no less. Geeze louise, even Ken dolls have changed their hair since then).

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStressfactor

I can't imagine why. Really. Why?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJessica

Oh My. Hilarious!!

Blessings, Carolynn

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWillow Tree

I wondered why the first guy was lying on a pile of misshapen marshmallows. And why is one lying on a crocheted version of a bearskin rug? And have you noticed that all these male figurines either look like child predators, or those jerks in high school that other girls drooled over because they were on a sports team?

Maybe that's the reason for the speedos. They're all trying to recapture those glory days.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCalantha

That is too funny.. wow, this is a fav of mine.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCatharine

Seriously? I am definitely shopping at the wrong bakery.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMama Nirvana

O.M.G.! I Can NOT Stop Laughing over This one! Excellent narration - As Usual!! You Always leave me rolling, but This one was Spectacular!! :-D

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterdenise

What disturbs me the most are the Disney Princess napkins in the background of the first picture. Who'd they get this cake for?!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLinz

*Somewhere* there has to be an "it's supposed to look like this" photo. I tried searching but came up blank.

Thank goodness it comes with a plastic figurine. Can you imagine if they had to recreate the man?
(crocheted - yes, I saw that too)

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterharmzie

I am literally crying I am laughing so hard at today's entry. I think it was the "pudd'n" that sent me over the edge. :D

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristie

you made my day today! I am falling out of my chair laughing (sneaking peaks at work) and my team is wondering what I am cracking up about.
For an about to be divorced woman - this is my kind of cake!

Hey! Can I make a request? divorce cakes? puleese?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMarieA

I thought the abmoninable snowman was attacking bacholer #1.

Bacholer #2 has been on display for quite some time judging from the cracked icing. Someone must have done a background check. The tu tu under the cake sends a mixed message as well.

Bacholer #3 has a spelling/spacing error. I think it's supposed to say "Bet it's getting old" in reference to Bacholer #2's cake.

I agree with Sarah about the pool floatie. I see it as well in Bacholer #4's cake. Except he looks like he's in an extra large jacuzzi.

Speedo's and cake are never the right decision.

wvotd vence: the opposite of hence. Bacholer #2's cake was made many years vence the other cakes.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHyena Overlord

I think the most disturbing thing about the first cake isn't the fact that it has a near naked man on a bear skin run. No, the disturbing part is the Disney Princess paper napkins in the background.

Please, oh please, tell me this cake isn't for a childs birthday.

If so, I have a number for a good therapist you will most certainlly be needing later in life.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I didn't even know they *had* erotic bakeries. Or at least I'm going to the wrong Wal-Mart. Mine doesn't sell nekkid man cakes OR polar bear rugs!

Seriously, who thinks these things up??

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHeidi

Looks like one of them is on a maxi-pad...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathleen Taylor

Does anyone else see a Nuva Ring on that first cake? Ack!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

Jeshii, you have never been seduced by a hairless man wearing a speedo on a polar bear rug? Huh. I thought everyone had that experience in their twenties.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichieGrl

You know those grown men buy those half-naked statues in comic stores of their favorite superheroine or warrior woman or whatever? I feel like these cakes were made for the female equivalent of those guys.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Men aside let's look at the bears. We have #1 the bear that looks like those egg crate mattress pads...yeah that's sexy alright. #2 looks like he's doing the guru thing and that may just be a polar bear bed of nails? #3 and #4 both have the fierce claw action going on but I've never seen a rug with the claws attached. A trophy mount, yes...a rug? No. Because nothing kills the mood like a pointy claw in the back (or the bottom of the foot) And what's up with the tail on 4? Polar bears have butt stumps, not tails.
Okay bears aside, I can't think of a reason to give one of these cakes other than possibly:
1.) It's going to a Barbie collector who thinks Ken just isn't delivering if y'know what I mean.
2.) You really want to get fired (or didn't pay attention to that sexual harassment cake) and decide this is the perfect gift for your boss.
3.) You're just twisted like that.

Awesomeness!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeslie

LOL what a great way to start the work day

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterPoetry Sue

I think this is my favorite post ever! this beats the naked carrot jockey babies in my book! I can't believe this type of plastic cake topper figurine thing exists!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCarrie

Okay...I have to post on this one...what's with the princess napkins in the first picture. Please do not tell me this was for a child's birthday party.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Hmmm... I wonder where I could go to get myself a plastic man...?

Wait! There he is! Why didn't I think of looking in the bakery before?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

What shocks me is more than one person makes this cake. Honestly!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAndrea Frederick

Are you sure that's a polar bear rug and not the Abominable Snowman about to eat him?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThistledew Farm

Wow. Uh...these wrecks make me feel a lil funneh...

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVinca Leaf Quilts

ahahahahahahahaha!

that is all.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteremily

OMG, what a way to start out the morning! As always, love the commentary by Jen. I do have a question though, what the heck does "Bettis Getting Old" mean on the 3rd one??

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentercatmania

I had one of these buttercream wonders for my bachelorette party 5 years ago (Lucky me! I know, I know). It comforts me to know that some slightly inappropriate sugary hot messes never change.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteragentfondue

I don't understand why the traditional bear skin rug has turned into a polar bear. Would it look too much like he was laying in a pool of poo if they made it a traditional brown bear skin?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterI Love Baby Quilts!

Aboninable Snowman rugs for the win!
This post is "Pure chocolate."

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth Douglas

so is this all from one company? is there a number to order from?? hehehe i know just the person to give this awesome cake too hehehehe I LOVE THIS BLOG!!!!!

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChula

Nothing says sexy like lying on the skin of an endangered species.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

About Wreck #2.

It looks like some skill went into the cake itself (the ribbon work on the sides)...so what would possess them to plop that sleezy plastic guy on top of a pretty cake?

And the cracks - what's up with those? Maybe Mr. Washboard Abs is heavier than he looks.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commentertoonces

"I GETTA LICK THE GUY, I GETTA LICK THE GUY!!!"

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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