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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan082009

Hey, Bebeh

"Girl, you lookin' fine. Why don't you come over here, and give daddy a lil' sugar?"

"Check it. I've got a spiky polar-bear-skin rug for us to lounge on, and some suh-weet champagne glasses the size of water coolers. I even put on my navy blue tighty-whities, 'cuz I know how much you dig those.

"What's that, kitten? You like the light blue ones better? No problem."

[patting rug] "This cracked concrete floor is hard, baby, but not as hard as...er...my...devotion to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, kids! What are you doing in here? Amscray, will ya?"

"That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, talking about how lucky you are - or at least how lucky you're gonna be. [waggling eyebrows] Aww yeaaah. This sea I'm lying in is the ocean of my love, and it's all for you, girl, it's all for you. [wink wink]

"What's a matter, doll? Still not convinced? How 'bout if I do some leg lifts?"

"My sticker may say 'yellow', pudd'n, but this here treat is pure chocolate, if you know what I'm sayin'."

I don't know about you, Aimee T., Lisa C., J.B., and Becky B., but I am definitely in the mood - for cake.

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Reader Comments (317)

"Betti's getting old?"
No matter what it's supposed to say, it's illegible.

But aside from that particular flaw, this would be the best prank cake EVER!

I have a few girlfriends with weddings coming up.... *evil grin*

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

>> put on my navy blue tighty-whities

How can you have navy blue tighty-whities? Wouldn't those be tighty-bluies?

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterstigant

wow---going for 200 comments on this cake--and I am amazed at the attention to detail of the commenters. Princess napkins indeed. Whoa.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjoyce

I just want to know how so many people had the same idea for a bear-skinned rug and naked man ON A CAKE. Genius.

January 8, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBecky B

Fabulous! Absolutely FABULOUS!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Jen, I think I just feel *really* bad for you that you have obviously been hit on WAAAYYYYY too much. Scary that you can replicate that so effortlessly :)

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterApril

Zexy!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJacque

You know, my parents got me the pool-floatie version of this cake 18 years and 360 days ago...for my i6th birthday. (ick!)

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBoumama

It took me a good 30 seconds to realize that the bearskin rug is not, in fact, the Michelin Man. Oops.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterenna.

very nice blog

fr,

azmi
malaysia

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterche-mie

those are so cute!!!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMad Hatter

My favorite part would have to be that apparently the first cake is being served at a child's party - judging from the disney princess napkin in the background!?! Go girls, find yourselves a man like this! This is yummy.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterr i l e y

Sorry, how do I submit a cake? I cannot find it anywhere.

http://michellecakes.co.uk/img/port/large/baby.jpg

is the cake.

Please let me know.

p.s. LOL bear rug.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErin

Your dialog on this one is HILARIOUS! I actually came back and read it a second time. Good work!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaura

Wrap him in a flag and call him Stephen!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Somewhere in China a factory worker is wondering, WTF?!? What could Americans possibly be using these plastic Mangnum PIs for? And, why do I have to make them with assorted underoo colors?

Someday cake wrecks will take over the world and all will be revealed to those seeking these great mysteries of life.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNancy B

The last cake looks like the guy is laying on a dead albino beaver.

Beaver.. hehehe.

VF: unsom. As in, this series of cakewrecks is UNSOM!!!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterClare

LOL I can't believe there was actually more than one cake like this out there! I think these are my favorites of any you have on the site.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKerry

awesome! hey does anyone else think the second guy looks like Steve Carell from The Office?

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErica

BEST POST EVER.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

"'budgie smugglers'" HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Excellent post! Even more excellent commentary!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that there are DISNEY PRINCESS napkins next to the first cake??? Happy 3rd Birthday Betty Sue...have some Cinderella with a side of speedo-sporting Prince Charming??
Come on!!!!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGas Girl

Yes these cakes have been around for a long time. Since the late 70's in fact. The counterpart was a girl in a very risque' flimsy negligee. She was eventually replaced with the exact same doll but certain body parts were only slightly more discreetly displayed in the ummmm....upper region. What really makes me shake my head though is that the only real decorating needed on these cakes has always been just the bearskin rug. Yes, I really have been in the decorating field that long. I've seen cake decorators continually make the most horrific bears. I've even spent time teaching how to make them, all the time amazed these people were hired in the first place when they can't handle a simple "kit cake". It is without a doubt though the most consistently badly made cake in every bakery I've ever been in. I have yet to figure out why the company does not reconfigure it's decorating to accommodate the amateurs that are entering the changing bakery industry.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJudy

This is one of the funniest days ever, Jen. Your commentary coupled with the comments left by your devoted following have left me in tears. I can't wait to show this to my friends!!

Thanks!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRachel T.

Reading Becky B's comment made me think of something. I don't see how many "decorators" can all come up with the same hideous idea. I wonder if this has become some kind of underground contest for bored bakery decorators?! One of them found cakewrecks one day, and saw the naked mohawk carrot-riding baby jockeys and thought "psfft, I can top that!" and came up with the dripping fire hose cake. Next person comes along and sees said fire hose cake, and creates Tom Selleck with maggot-y chest hair. Third person sees that, and says "oh, I can do one better!" and not only has a bad design, but sticks it on a CCC. The ultimate winner is the person with the worst design and the most comments.

I can totally see this being a reality show now. On Fox of course.

*Should said reality show actually happen, I demand royalties. ;)

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMissy

If I were Bett, I think I'd have to agree. If tiny misshapen men reclining on buttercream are icons of youth, then I'll go with old.

On the other hand, I'd take the cake.

I love this blog, but it ironically makes me crave cake.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmaia

This is the most hilarious post yet! I have been following your blog for a bit and I just can't beleive these cakes! Seriously is there is a rule that says sexy guys lay on polar bear rugs? I can't believe how many different but same style there are of this cake.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterReagan

OK I can see one person having the crazy idea.... or two... but Why, oh Why are there so many of them??!!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCindy

I gave one of these cakes to my mother years ago when she turned 40! This post is hilarious!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlison

Did anyone else notice you sound like Barry and Levon from The State? Please tell me that's what you were going for.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The running dialog is the best! This was a gem, thanks for working on this one.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJennyF

D:

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenteralicia

OK, "Bakery Crafts" is now my favorite store in the world. I can't believe I can actually re-create one of these at home!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterwillendorf5761

That is absolutely hilarious!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterVeronica

The first one looks like he's lying on the Michelin man!

-Nicole

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Bakeries all over the world have you to thank for the sudden resurgence in "mostly naked man on a thing that could be a bear skin rug" cake orders!

WV: tortives. Tiny little turtle shaped candles.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

So when do we guys get the female equivalent of this cake? ;-) On second thought, after considering the way that bakeries do this stuff, it'd make me stay celibate for the rest of my life after viewing it...

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

This is why I love this blog!!! Hey Beybeh INDEED!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I FOUND THE KIT!

You can totally a kit to make this cake. HA! I'm making it for a friends birthday next month.

http://www.pastrywiz.com/cakes/cake47.htm

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjamiebentley

I have requested this cake from all of my friends and family for my birthday after seeing this. I am speechless...it is maybe the most wonderful cake wreck I have EVER seen! Oh I'm gonna have the best birthday now!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChrista

This seriously needs to be the next Tshirt design.

WV: intiver: when someone can't spell inviter.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

So completely turned on right now! To a SUGAR HIGH!

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSport's Mom

Jen, you're too much. I can't stop laughing.

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterkathy

I found were you can order these plastic gigolos! It's at

http://www.bakingshop.com/cakes/adult/sexydolls1.htm

His name is Macho Man. Uggh.

They also have a "sexy sue",

January 9, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie

ROFLMAO... this is one of the funniest wrecks ever!! And for 12 of you lucky decorators, you too can make a cake like this (or one of you can make 12!), for a bargain ebay price: http://cgi.ebay.com/Lot-of-12-MEN-Cake-Toppers-Party-Favors-9-Decorations_W0QQitemZ140293570631QQcmdZViewItemQQptZWedding_Party_Supplies?hash=item140293570631&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A0%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50

I'm warning you, this ebay listing picture is WAY more funny/disturbing than the original cakes!! ;) No little eyes, please... shield your children!

Thanks for the laughs, this one still has me giggling.

January 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterChristie

With apologies to Right Said Fred...

I'm too sexy for my cake too sexy for my cake
So sexy it aches
And I'm too sexy for my rug too sexy for my rug
let's have a big chug...

I (heart) Cake Wrecks!!

January 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterErlinda

There will be candles.

Bett is getting old?? Who says that on a cake!?!

January 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterZo-Be Designs

Jen, You are one damn funny woman.

January 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I love your website!

Could I use one of these man cake images for my blog?
culinaryabortions.wordpress.com

CDM

January 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCulinary

My apologies if someone has already mentioned this, but what's the deal with the Disney Princess napkins in the first picture? What kind of a little girl's birthday party cake IS this? ;)

January 10, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

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