My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Be Good...Or Else

Parents, I give you an early Christmas present: a line up of Santa cakes so terrifying, even the naughtiest child will run screaming to do the dishes.

"Well helloooo, children. I see you when you're sleeping."

"And I know when you're awake."

"I know if you've been bad or good!" [insane giggle]

[whispering] "So be good..."

"...or else."

Melissa G., Ian T., Heather H., Anony M., and Leti P & Jake C., if you think scary Santa cakes make for a great holiday greeting, then have I got a card for you!

- Related Wreckage: Santa Gets the Shaft

Note from john: Yes. Strawberry is misspelled.

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Reader Comments (135)

That last cake's card is like the current White House... There's not a "W" in it!!!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTaylor@MyOlderBrothers

Number 4... Oh.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKathryn H

so, on what planet does santa's poo brain ever look appetizing? hmmm?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermaya

Why do all these bakers think Santa has blue blobs for eyes?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHer Self

Tis the season for...child endangerment?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Have we given up the possibility that one or more of these might also be Lamb Chop?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterhuman-cannonball

I hope the pink heart cake wasn't actually left over from last Valentine's Day and redecorated.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJoel Polowin

Very funny! Am I the only one who thinks the last one looks like Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribean?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMeg R.

Ahaha! Stra'berry's the best!

That other cake is having trouble with what flavor it is, too...

It's yellow. No, wait, chocolate. Both? To represent the two faces of Santa?

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

1) If the first one had been intentional in having that expression, I actually would have called it a fantastic job of showing subtle displeasure. But it's probably more likely to be merely bad alignment...

2) Took me a minute to figure out that the red under the eyes of the fourth was probably supposed to be rosy cheeks. I thought, "Why the **** would anyone make Santa's eyes look like they were either bleeding or had huge puffy red bags?"

3) How much you wanna bet that "straberry" is a substitute, like how "chocolatey" refers to "chocolate didn't even look at this."

wv: ressn - the resin-like product that a straberry cake is made from.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly Chapman

Apparently, people will pay good money to be scared out of their wits. Horror movies, haunted houses, Santa cakes...

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJimmy

The third one looks like the coiled crap hound did a coiled crap on his Santa hat.
The last one lookes possessed....

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentermorriganscrow

Number 4...OH-EMM-GEE.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBri

What can I say? I will certainly be good this year, I'd hate to see the "or else" from these guys.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterKristan

while as they are all creepy, the second from the bottom shall haunt my dreams...

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I like that the creepiest one is a straberry cake! And I disagree with John I don't think it is strawberry misspelled. I think it is a straberry cake.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLe

The 4th Santa from the top--- my son is wondering if Santa's hat is made from the fur of the coiled crap hound.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterscreamingbanshee07

John writes of the last cake, "Yes. Strawberry is misspelled."

I thought they'd misspelled "staberry."

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The first one isn't all bad. I've been holding off from buying a heart shaped 'tin' (teflon), since there's only really one thing to use it for.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSili

I never knew heart shaped pans could be so versatile. (The first cake)

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterNicole

Wow--when you put them all together on a card like's just ten times scarier!

Great idea!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterOh, Mandy

I personally love the first one, where it's apparent that they took a heart-shaped pan and flipped it upside down.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAlex Getts

No wonder the song tells you to "jump in bed, cover up your head, because Santa Claus comes tonight" I'd be hiding too if that scary dude was headed toward my house.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

The whispering one is by far the most terrifying. The red alcoholic schnoz, the red droopy bags under the eyes, the leering upward gaze... I'm glad it's 10:15 in the morning so that I can move past this before going to bed tonight (hopefully)!


P.S. What says Christmas like a "straberry cake"? Nothing, that's what.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Credit is due to the creator of the first one for re-using a Valentine's day mould...

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLivia

The second to the last cake looks like the "hat" was piped with corned beef hash. Yum!

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.....

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterGiana

ROTFLOL! Those cakes are Awesome!

You're the best Jen! Have a great holiday!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRenee

Very creeeeeeeeepy. Good thing I actually know where a the REAL Santa can be found 24/7. He makes lunch every day at the local vo-tech.

The chili cheese fries are to DIE for!! Or at least gain 6lbs XD

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

The fourth one down is just flat creepy.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Mac

Mommy, save me.

Those are some scary cakes. I might replace my annual Christmas Evil viewing with staring at those cakes for an hour or so. It'll certainly be scarier, but will lack the warmth and heart of the film.

Tough call.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterRobert

Is it weird that I like the one that everyone hates? If his eyes were both looking ahead, I'd like #4!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterEG

My first thought was the third one had been sipping a little "adult" eggnog!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

i am going to show this to my kids! ;)

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLucille Ball Jr.

As a child, I never would've run screaming to do the dishes over Santa as seen here-- if I was naughty and DIDN'T do the dishes, maybe no one who looked like this guy would've shown up at all, preferably.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterJiminycricket

The first cakes looks like it could be the Other Santa in Coraline. At the very least, the Other Mother in disguise.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSandy

That last one sorta looks like Jack (the pumpkin king)

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commentersevenmarie

I have to say, these were very well-organized in that they got progressively creepier!

I kept thinking "OK, that one HAD to be the worst..." *breathe*...*scroll, scroll* - AHHHH!!!!!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLaurenH

The role of creepy cake santa #4 is being played by Dennis Franz!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterSiouxzr

worst part is the first one is a prefab cake the stores get in.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHotHeaded

like a train wreck, i can't stop looking at the third one (with the flavor-identity crisis).

what is UP with that misplaced, droopy, globby eye?!

wwbjtot?!(what would baby jesus think of this?!);-)

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterTerry Lee

Oh my god. The third cake and the last one are insanely creepy.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterFree

Ho, ho, h... oh my.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterHorribleLicensePlates

I just googled "STRABERRY" with disturbing results. I don't think I want this cake.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterCory

Creepy Cake #2 looks like Pennywise the Clown trying to disguise himself as Santa; "My reindeer floooat....."

whereas Creepy Cake #4...C'mon, Cthulu, I know December belongs to you, but you've done better disguises than that.

Password for the Day: "Melapt", as in "These cakes are melapt for Santa--unless you want to pass him off as a drooling psycho."

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterBlue Jean

Oh geez! That last one is from some campy horror film. I may have to sleep with the light on until after christmas!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterandygirl

I didn't realize that Santa had such scary blue eyes...but since all of these show him that way I guess it must be the truth...... :-)

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterLeah Carey

Even the best (as in bad, not good) 'cake wrecker baker' should have known to throw number 4 AWAY! Really, really scary!
I have been threatenig my kids with 'be good, santa is watching' all day...this pic might really aid that threat (or totally ruin christmas), WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET A MOMENTS PEACE.

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered Commenterjess

I think the gumball eye santa (third cake) is the creepiest!

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterThe Black Dog

So i took the picture of the first one, in my local grocery store, and I'd like to point out that the cake was right next to weight watchers snacks. Great placement :P

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa Gill

Those are sincerely creepy...I'm going to have nightmares

December 7, 2009 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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